As we have seen in other articles in this issue, God has given us all the instructions we need, as men, to fulfill our duties for His glory and the blessing of others, in this world. In particular, He has shown us how to conduct ourselves as Christian husbands and fathers. Yet how many Christian fathers, like David, have to admit that their houses are not in order before the Lord as they should be. Marital difficulties may come in, and even if the marriage remains happy, how frequently children do not turn out, at least in the spiritual realm, the way we had hoped. Many of us are naturally reluctant to address this issue because of the consciousness of our own failure, yet both the difficulties of these last days and the clear instruction of God’s Word would encourage us to do so. How should we react when we find, as David did, that the condition of his house was not what it should be?
First of all, we must make a difference between children who are still living at home and those who may, as adults, be living on their own, either single or married. God has set up the home as a sphere of authority and responsibility, and God holds every husband and father responsible for the condition of that home. If we as fathers have neglected our responsibilities and allowed disorder or worldliness to characterize our home, we must by all means seek grace to correct it. While it is always good to begin early, yet it is never too late to seek to follow God’s Word and to correct what is wrong.
However, in many cases, the situation may be beyond our direct control, for children may be older and living on their own. I would suggest that there are several things to remember in seeking a right way to deal with such a situation.
Justify God
First of all, we must justify God in all His dealings with us. When Job was tried by the most severe difficulties in his life, including the loss of all his children, he did not understand and found fault with the Lord’s ways with him. Elihu had to remind him that “God will not do wickedly, neither will the Almighty pervert judgment” (Job 34:1212Yea, surely God will not do wickedly, neither will the Almighty pervert judgment. (Job 34:12)). He had to be reminded that instead of finding fault with the Lord, his prayer rather should be, “That which I see not teach Thou me” (Job 34:3232That which I see not teach thou me: if I have done iniquity, I will do no more. (Job 34:32)). If things go wrong in our families, we may recall what we feel was our faithfulness to the Lord and our efforts to bring up our children for Him, and inwardly we feel that somehow God is unjust. This attitude must be judged at all costs, for “shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” (Gen. 18:2525That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? (Genesis 18:25)). We must be willing to follow Peter’s injunction, “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time” (1 Peter 5:66Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: (1 Peter 5:6)).
Not Blaming Others
Likewise, we must resist the all too common tendency to blame others or a set of adverse circumstances for what has happened. We must remember that there are no second causes with God and that He is able to give us the strength to overcome even the worst of circumstances. Doubtless, in some cases, the failure of others may have contributed, from the human side, to the failures in our children, but we must bear in mind that “every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Rom. 14:1212So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. (Romans 14:12)).
Praying to the Lord
Second, we must get before the Lord about the situation, praying first of all that the Lord might show us why He has allowed the situation. If we submit to the trial and humble ourselves, we will be in a fit state of soul for the Lord to reveal to us what we are to learn from it. There may have been failure, and the Lord may be seeking to draw our attention to it, so that we may deal with it. On the other hand, the Lord may not have allowed the trial primarily because of our failure as parents. He may want to show us how His grace can overcome such failure and how that blessing is only on the ground of that grace. Sometimes the observations and advice of others can be a help, but only the Lord is unfailingly able to show us the lesson he wants to teach us.
It is often under trial that we learn the most and are made the most useful for the Lord, for trial brings us into His presence and makes us dependent on Him, as nothing else can. It is under trial that we learn what a comforter He can be and how He can use us as a blessing to others under the most trying of circumstances. It is in difficult circumstances that we walk in the steps of the Master.
Our Children
Third, we should go to the Lord in prayer for our children. He loves them more than we do, wants to bless them, and is able to work in their lives to bring it about. When we go “by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving” and make our requests to the Lord, we will find that “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding” will keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. To be sure, the sorrow and heartache continues to be there, and rightly so, but when we take it to the Lord, He gives us peace. When we have truly humbled ourselves “under the mighty hand of God,” we are in a right state of soul for “casting all your care upon Him” (1 Peter 5:77Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. (1 Peter 5:7)).
The Grace of God
Fourth, we must realize, as David did, that any blessing in our families is ultimately due to the grace of God and not to our own efforts. We as fathers are exhorted to bring our children up “in the discipline and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:44And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) JND), and this means, in the words of another, “Discipline will apply rather to the whole course of training or education; admonition implies constant watchfulness in order to warn against dangers, forgetfulness or departure from the path into which they are being led.” While we as fathers may seek to do this, yet we have to look on, as David did, to that “morning without clouds,” when all will be accomplished in Christ and not by us. There has been failure connected with everything God has committed to man, and we as fathers are no exception. In Christ all will be in perfection, in that day. Failure in our families, as well as in the house of God, causes us more to long for the Lord’s coming and keeps us from being too content down here.
The Final Chapter
Finally, we must remember that as long as we are here in this world, the final chapter of our lives has not been written. Second Samuel 23:5 could read, in part, “For all my salvation and all good pleasure, would He not make them to grow?” (See the footnote in the JND translation.) While this no doubt has a reference to that “morning without clouds,” yet God delights to bless and to do “exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:2020Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, (Ephesians 3:20)). Even in this life, God may well turn things around for our families — “make them to grow” down here in this world. Again quoting Elihu in his speech to Job, “Although thou sayest thou dost not see Him, judgment is before Him, therefore wait for Him (Job 35:1414Although thou sayest thou shalt not see him, yet judgment is before him; therefore trust thou in him. (Job 35:14) JND). Let us submit to His ways with us, learn the lessons He has for us, and trust Him to bring blessing out of all that He allows in our lives, for “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:2828And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)).
W. J. Prost