“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Eph. 6:1-3).
“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord” (Col. 3:20).
“Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother” (Deut. 27:16).
“My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life” (Prov. 6:20-23).
“Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old” (Prov. 23:22).
Children occupy a large and very blessed place in the word of God; and both in the Old and New Testaments are found those whose names are enshrined in our hearts, from our earliest years, as examples of early piety and devotedness to God. Joseph, Samuel, and Timothy —to say nothing now of the Child of Nazareth, who surpasses all—are connected with our first recollections of parental instructions from the Scriptures. Mainly, however, it is the children of the people of God who are thus brought before us, and it is very evident that they are the objects of His special care. We find, for example, in the book of Deuteronomy very minute directions for their instruction (Deut. 6:6-7; see also Deut. 4:9 and Deut. 11:19); and on the eighth day after their birth they were to be formally introduced into the covenanted privileges of the people (Gen. 17:10-13). In the New Testament likewise, and, as has been remarked in a previous chapter, in those portions (Ephesians and Colossians) which deal with the fullest truth of the believer's portion in Christ, as well as with the highest church truth, we have not only injunctions concerning, but also addressed to, children. The heart of God, flowing out towards His saints, includes their children also within the circle of His affections. And what parent—and, it may be added, what child who has received scriptural instruction—is there who has not frequently turned with thankful joy to that scene in the gospels where the Lord Jesus, in His infinite grace and tenderness, takes the children into His arms, and blesses them, and says, thereby rebuking His disciples, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14-16); or to that other, where, in order to teach the twelve a needed lesson, “He took a child, and set him in the midst of them: and when, He had taken him in His arms, He said to them, Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but Him that sent me”? (Mark 9:36-37). Precious Savior! Happy child!
But it is rather to children themselves—the children of believers—that this chapter will be addressed; and surely they will be encouraged to consider the words which God has caused to be written for their guidance, by the evidences of His love and care which have just been cited. As, indeed, when the Lord came by night, and “called Samuel: and he answered, Here am I,” and finally said, after Eli had taught him who it was that had called him, “Speak; for thy servant heareth” (1 Sam. 3:3-9); so may every child who may read these pages desire to take the same attitude of simple subjection to the word of God.
The directions given are very brief and very simple; albeit they comprehend the whole circle of children's lives. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Eph. 6:1-3). “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto” (in, the same word as in Ephesians) “the Lord” (Col. 3:20).
It is of the first importance to observe that children—the children of whom we speak—are thus set in direct personal responsibility to the Lord. Placed under parental authority, they are at the same time recognized as being under responsibility to Christ, and hence their obedience is to be rendered “in the Lord.” This at once defines the character and the limit of their duty; for the commands of the parent, when rightly given, have a divine sanction, so that the child not only obeys the parent, but also the Lord. On the other hand, no command could be binding to which obedience in the Lord could not be rendered. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Eph. 6:1). It could not be right for the child to do anything which would be sin against the Lord. The harmony between the two —the duty and the limit—is beautifully (because perfectly) exemplified in the case of the Lord Jesus when he was a child. When he was twelve years of age, Joseph, His reputed father, and His mother took Him up to Jerusalem to the feast. On their return lie remained behind in Jerusalem. On discovering His absence, Joseph and Mary “turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking Him. And it came to pass, that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers. And when they saw Him, they were amazed: and His mother said unto Him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. And He said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business? And they understood not the saying which He spake unto them. And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but His mother kept all these sayings in her heart” (Luke 2:42-51). In this lovely incident we have the two things—responsibility of obedience, and its limit before God—in perfect adjustment. The Lord in grace having become a child, takes the place of a child, and as such owns His responsibility of obedience to Joseph and Mary, while, at the same time, He acknowledges and affirms that He must be about His Father's business. “Son,” said Mary, “why hast thou thus dealt with us?”— words which, whatever their tenderness, implied a reproach. But the answer given silenced all complaint: “Wilt ye not, did ye not know, as ye ought to have done, that my Father had the first claim upon me, and that therefore in absenting myself from you, I was acting in obedience to Him?” Thus the Lord Jesus is also the child's perfect example; and it is added, in order to emphasize this truth, “And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them,”
We may now examine a little more closely the nature of children's responsibility.
(1.) “Children, obey your parents”— obey your parents in all things. The position of children therefore is one of complete subjection, and springs naturally out of the relationship which exists between them and their parents. But beyond all natural relationships, what is insisted upon here is the will of the Lord; for it is He who has given each their respective places, and who thus requires children to be obedient to their parents; and this fact at once lifts the responsibility of a child up into the light of His presence, and at the same time shows that the obedience must be rendered in the Lord.
But wherein, it may be inquired, does true obedience lie? or What are the characteristics of obedience? That which, distinguishes it beyond everything else is the acceptance of the authority which is entitled to command; for when I acknowledge that my own will has no place, that it is the will of another that has to direct and control my actions, I accept and maintain the attitude or obedience. And this is essential, because I am then freed from the temptation of sitting in judgment upon the commands I may receive. It is often said that the main requisite of a good soldier is unreasoning obedience. So with a child. Its obedience, within the limits defined by the words “in the Lord,” should be unreasoning, and it can only be this when the position of subjection to parents is faithfully and fully accepted.
True obedience will also be prompt. Postponed obedience is often disobedience in one of its worst forms, and certainly argues both insubjection and self-will; for as soon as the command is given the obligation is binding, and every moment of delay (unless permitted by the parent) is the assertion and prolongation of opposition to his authority. The Lord has given us an incidental illustration of this, and its danger, in one of His parables. “Son, go work today in my vineyard ... He answered and said, I go, sir: and went not” (Matt. 21:28-31) Now in this case it is more than likely that the son meant to obey, when he replied, “I go, sir;” but putting off the execution of the command he received, and being thus disobedient, he still delayed, and in the end did not obey his father at all. As our Lord here shows, the son who said at first, “I will not,” but afterward repented and went, was more obedient than lie who said “I go,” but went not. This danger is very subtle. Thus a child will often reason, It will do just as well in an hour hence; and as far as that one matter may be concerned it might be so. But it should be remembered, not only as pointed out, that the obligation to obedience is immediate, but also that the habit may soon be formed of neglecting to obey; and then the next step may soon be a disinclination to obey. To much stress therefore cannot be laid upon the importance of a prompt response to every command received.
Obedience should be cheerful as well as prompt, or as the Scriptures teach in the case of servants, it should be “doing the will of God from the heart” (Eph. 6:6). Everyone indeed will perceive that a mere external obedience—an obedience which is rendered reluctantly, which would not be rendered unless compelled—is no obedience at all. True obedience can only spring from love; as two lines of a hymn have it—
“Love makes our willing feet
In swift obedience move;”
or again, as our Lord teaches His disciples, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Paul alludes to the same thing when he says, “The love of Christ constraineth us” (2 Cor. 5:14). In like manner, obedience to parents can only spring from love; for love both delights to please and fears to offend; yea, even more, love will deem it an honor to be employed. It is so with the angels in heaven. Their happiness consists in doing God's will; and the temporal happiness of children who love their parents will largely consist in obedience to their will.
That there may be no mistake, we may ask in a definite form, Is there any limit to the obedience which a parent may require from his children? We have already alluded to this; but the subject is so important that it seems advisable to enter upon it more fully. The words, then, “in the Lord,” and “well pleasing in the Lord,” define, as we judge, both the nature and the limit of children's obedience to their parents; that is, in the first place, obedience never acquires its proper character —unless the Lord Himself is the object before the mind. It must be done as unto Him—unto Him who gives both the parents and the children their relative positions. In the second place, unless the action required can be done in the Lord, it is not binding. If a command be given by a parent to a child which cannot be obeyed with a good conscience before the Lord, then it is not of force in His presence. This principle is constantly affirmed in the Scriptures. Thus we are enjoined to “be subject unto the powers that be;” but when Nebuchadnezzar commanded Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego to fall down and worship the golden image which he had set up in the plain of Dura, they replied, “We will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. (Dan. 3:14-18). Peter and John also, when forbidden to speak at all, or teach in the name of Jesus, answered, “Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye” (Acts 4:18-19). While therefore God confers authority upon men in the different relationships of life, He never abdicates His own, or suffers any human claim to limit His own supremacy. The Lord Jesus thus said, “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Matt. 10:37; see also Luke 14:26.)
Children, then, are to be in complete subjection to their parents, except in the single case of their commands coining into conflict with the authority and claims of the Lord. Making this exception—and even emphasizing it—children must be very careful not to plead it in any doubtful cases: they should be very sure that there is opposition to the Lord's claims in the parental command before they venture to refuse obedience; that is they must be assured that the reason for so grave and solemn a step springs from no fancies of their own, but from the conviction of what is due to the Lord, for it is He who has given their parents the place of supreme authority in the family, and hence it is only when it would be for His own glory that this authority may be disregarded. “Children, obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” It is not supposed in this injunction, inasmuch as the epistle is addressed to believers, that any command given by the parent could conflict with the Lord's authority; and the addition of the words, “for this is well pleasing unto the Lord,” defines the circle of the extent and supremacy of parental authority, as we have just explained. We thus see that parents are absolute in their own circle—the circle described by God; but this circle is included within the larger one, over which the Lord Himself is supreme.
Obedience is urged on two grounds. First, “For this is right” (Eph. 6:1). That is, God declares that obedience is a righteous thing to be rendered by children to their parents; that it is suited to the place of a parent to command, and to the place of a child to obey. Secondly, it is said, “For this is well pleasing in the Lord.” Here children are reminded of their responsibility, and encouraged by the assurance of the Lord's approbation in their subject path. And the value God sets upon filial obedience may be gathered from His estimate of disobedience. Thus in the law we read, “Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother” (Deut. 27:16; see also Ex. 21:17; Deut. 21:18-21; Prov. 30:11,17). The apostle also stigmatizes disobedience to parents as one of the characteristic signs of the perilous times of the last days (2 Tim. 3:1-2), and of great moral corruption. (Rom. 1:30). And the slightest acquaintance with the facts of life will abundantly show that the first step in a downward career has often commenced with disobedience to parents. Write the histories of all the poor prodigal sons and daughters who, at the present moment, are seeking to satisfy their hunger with the “husks that the swine do eat,” and it will be found that the root of all their temporal wretchedness may be traced back to self-will and insubjection in their paternal home.
Both therefore by encouragements and warnings are children reminded of the value God sets upon their obedience to their parents. Let every child then shun the temptation to disobedience, as one of Satan's most dangerous snares, and be encouraged ever to keep the place of subjection to the parent's will, knowing that it is well-pleasing in the Lord.
(2.) We have another word in Ephesians—cited, it is true, from the law, but here reaffirmed as to its moral force—to express what is due from children to their parents. That word is “honour.” “Honour thy father and mother.” If obedience describes the responsibility of children as to conduct and action, “honour” expresses rather what should be their habitual feeling towards their parents. It is a peculiarly solemn word; for it is the same as that used by our blessed Lord when He says “that all men should honour the Son, even as they honour the Father. He that honoureth not the Son, honoureth not the Father which bath sent Him” (John 5:23). In fact, it is a term descriptive of true filial piety; for to honor their parents children must not only acknowledge their position, and their right of parental control, but they must esteem and reverence them, as set in their place of authority by the Lord. Hence the child that honours his parents will love to pay them the outward expressions of homage and respect, will prize their counsels and instructions, obey them in their absence as in their presence, avoid everything that could give them pain or sorrow, rejoice to defer to their feelings and desires, and will in every possible way, by word, manner, and action, rejoice to accord to them that filial respect and attention which belong to the place to which they have been divinely appointed.
We desire to commend this subject to the attention of the children of believers. Let them ponder frequently upon their responsibilities towards their parents—responsibilities which the Lord Himself has enjoined upon them—because He has brought them, as the children of His people, into immediate relationship with Himself upon the earth. It is to Him therefore that they are responsible; and if this thought does but beget, even in the feeblest way, a sense of weakness and helplessness, and a cry to Him for aid, He who has set them in this position of responsibility will surely hold them up, and being brought up, by the care of their parents, “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” they will be led onward to a personal knowledge of Him as their Savior as well as their Lord; and then it will be their joy to be numbered, together with their parents, amongst His redeemed.