“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deut. 6:6-76And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 6:6‑7); see also Deut. 4:99Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons; (Deuteronomy 4:9) and Deut. 11:1919And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 11:19)).
“For HE established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children” (Psa. 78:5-85For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: 6That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: 7That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: 8And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God. (Psalm 78:5‑8)).
Every parent knows something of—feels in measure—the solemn responsibility connected with the government and training of his children. A more difficult field of duty can scarcely be imagined; and yet, from its very nature, there are few departments of life which, when occupied in simple and single-eyed dependence upon the Lord, yield such blessed results. How many of the saints of God have traced their conversion instrumentally to pious and faithful parents! When therefore we consider the vast influence for good, or for evil, which parents must exert—the solemn issues of their responsibility—it must ever be an important question, What is the nature of the parent's duty to his children? As in all the practical duties of the believer, the Scriptures abound with instruction on this point They teach both by example and by precept; they present for our consideration children, such as Samuel, who are devoted to the Lord at the earliest period of life; they portray the evil consequences of parental misrule; and they give precept upon precept, both in the Old and New Testaments, for the guidance of those who desire to be instructed in the wisdom of God. It may perhaps be profitable to cite at the outset a few of these scriptures, in order to collect the directions thus afforded.
We may, first of all, point out the fact that a special blessing rested on Abraham, because of his fidelity to God, in the government of his family. “For,” said the Lord, “I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him” (Gen. 18:1919For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. (Genesis 18:19); see the context). We may also allude to the disorders in the family of Jacob, and their obvious cause. And then, passing on to the book of Deuteronomy, we have direct exhortations: “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deut. 6:6-76And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 6:6‑7); compare Deut. 4:99Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons; (Deuteronomy 4:9) and Deut. 11:1919And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 11:19)). The warning example of Eli enforces the same lesson “For I have told him,” said God to Samuel, respecting the aged priest, “that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not,” or, as it is in the margin, “he frowned not upon them,” that is did not enforce his parental authority (1 Sam. 3:1313For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not. (1 Samuel 3:13)). David affords another conspicuous example of family misrule. A few direct instructions may be added: “For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; that the generation to come might know them, even the children that should be born, who should arise and declare them to their children, that they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments; and might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not steadfast with God” (Psa. 78:5-85For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: 6That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: 7That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: 8And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God. (Psalm 78:5‑8)). In the Proverbs of Solomon are also many admonitions as to the treatment of children “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” (Prov. 19:1818Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. (Proverbs 19:18)). “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” (Prov. 23:13-1413Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (Proverbs 23:13‑14)). One more: “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest: yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Prov. 29:1717Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. (Proverbs 29:17)). We pass now to the New Testament: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:44And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)). “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Col. 3:2121Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. (Colossians 3:21))
We have freely cited from the Old Testament as well as from the New; for while it is to the latter we must look for the full character and measure of the believer's responsibility in earthly relationships, yet it cannot but be observed that there is a striking agreement in the instructions given as to children in every part of the word of God. In all alike, the believer is charged to govern and to train his children for God—to instruct them from the Scriptures.
This fact shows the importance of understanding the relationship into which the children are brought with God through their believing parents. This relationship, as has been shown when treating of the “household,” is, so to speak, an external one, but still involving responsibilities both for the parent and his children. It corresponds somewhat with the position of Jewish children. Although not saved because of their descent, yet they were reckoned amongst God's earthly people, and as such had to be instructed as to God's requirements and their responsibilities. (See Deut. 6:6-76And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 6:6‑7).) As God had separated them from the rest of the nations, they were to be taught and trained as His people on the earth. In like manner fathers are now exhorted to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:44And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)).
(1.) It is somewhat remarkable that the first exhortation is, “But, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.” So also in Colossians: “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger” (Col. 3:2121Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)). It is not exactly the same word, though the meaning is not very different. This will be at once understood when it is perceived that this exhortation follows upon the call to children to obey their parents. Fathers are placed in almost absolute authority; and hence the first thing the Spirit of God does in turning to parents is to admonish them as to the manner in which they should exercise their authority. Knowing what the flesh is, even in a Christian, and how apt we are to be tyrannical and despotic in the place in which God has set us, He, in tender consideration for those who are put in the subject position, says, “Provoke not your children to wrath.” Parents have almost unlimited control (limited only by the words added to the injunction, “in the Lord”) over their children, but they are hereby warned that they must be careful before God as to the method of their government. They must consider the feelings of their children, and while they must never abate one jot or tittle of what is due to the Lord, they must remember their weakness; not lay upon them more than they can bear lest they might be discouraged. A more striking illustration of God's tenderness for children could scarcely be conceived—a tenderness which was exemplified again and again by our blessed Lord while down here upon the earth—than is expressed in this special injunction to parents. And we all know, how apt we are to be capricious or harsh in our rule; and hence our need of this reminder. Let every parent therefore remember, that if, on the one hand, God has given him the rule over his family, on the other He has carefully defined the character of its exercise; and that he is as responsible for the latter as for the former.
“Lest they should be discouraged.” How easy to discourage children, and especially from the right ways of the Lord. With keen and tender susceptibilities, of quick observation and rapid detection of inconsistencies, harsh government might very soon undo years of patient teaching, and speedily mar the most industrious efforts to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Parents therefore cannot be too careful on this point; and it will aid them to be so if they remember that they derive their own position from divine appointment, and that their children are to be governed and trained for God.
(2.) “But bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The words employed are most significant. More exactly, it is discipline and admonition. Discipline will apply rather to the whole course of training or education; admonition implies constant watchfulness in order to warn against dangers, forgetfulness, or departure from the path into which they are being led. Nor should the exact meaning of “bring them up” pass unnoticed. It is to rear; and hence goes back, in regard to children, to earliest infancy. It is important to notice this, because many parents fall into the mistake of supposing that they must wait for their children's conversion before they seek to carry out this injunction; and hence the sad spectacle is often presented of Christian parents permitting their children all kinds of worldly ways, dress, and amusements, under the plea that they are not yet the Lord's. This is to miss the whole point of the teaching of these scriptures, as well as to forget the special place into which the children of believers are brought. The Spirit of God does not say, Wait and pray for your children's conversion; but He says, Rear him in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. You are thus to take God at His word, counting upon Him for the blessing contained in the promise, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:66Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)).
(a) They are to be brought up in the nurture (discipline) of the Lord. This word points to education, and teaches how the believer should educate his children. The first obligation of the believer is thus to teach his children that they are under the Lord's government, that they are to be reared and trained in His discipline, and thus to be shown their direct and individual responsibility.
And this fact is to determine the character of their education—in the nurture of the Lord. In a word, the Christian parent is to train his children in accordance with the place into which, by the grace of God, they have been brought.
But the question may be anxiously put, How is this to be done? First and foremost, by assiduous instruction from the Scriptures. Thus in the passage already cited from Deuteronomy it is said to the Jewish parent, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children,” and Paul, writing to Timothy, reminds him that “from a child thou hast known the holy Scriptures” (2 Tim. 3:1515And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 3:15)); and it may be inferred, from the mention of Timothy's mother and grandmother, that it was by these godly women that he had been so instructed. It should be a solemn consideration with all Christian parents how far they are doing the same thing. There are many families where the Bible has a place, but not the chief place, in the instruction of the children. But surely “the nurture of the Lord” can only be derived from the word of God; and hence, whoever would be faithful in this matter, must be diligent in its systematic explanation. And what an advantage to the children who are thus taught! The truth of God is brought to bear upon them from the very outset, and used by the Holy Spirit, according to promise, to quicken, form, and direct; they are, under His gracious power, reared in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. There may not, in such cases, be any signs of distinct conversion (as is often observed in the case of children of faithful, believing parents), because the Spirit of God uses the Word at the very commencement of life for their blessing in regeneration.
Secondly, while the Scriptures will be the primary source of instruction, they will also guide as to the character of the education to be imparted in other directions. This is often a most perplexing question with Christian parents; but if it be ever remembered that they have to train their children for the Lord, the difficulty will to a large extent be removed. They will then see, that all the instruction imparted must keep this one object in view; and they will carefully guard them from being taught anything which may not be necessary in their path through the world, and which would be inconsistent with their being the Lord's servants. This is a principle of easy application. Is the thing proposed to be taught to my child for the Lord, or for the world? So also in the selection of books for their reading. The object of their education, as laid down in the Word, being kept in view, it is easily determined whether a book would contribute to or hinder that object. As in many other things, it is simply a question of a single eye; and to maintain this, we need to be constantly in the presence of God, judging ourselves and our ways.
(b) Admonition implies, as explained, the maintenance of careful supervision, so as to warn of dangers and to urge forward in the right way. And it is the admonition, as well as the nurture, of the Lord. Christian parents are therefore to speak in the name of the Lord; indeed their admonitions will be attended with more weight if the children are made to understand that their parents are acting for the Lord; that they are warned against this evil habit or that amusement, not from any parental caprice, but solely because in either case it would be displeasing to the Lord. Divine sanction would be thus stamped upon the parent's warning words, and the children themselves thus brought into the divine presence. And parents must take no lower ground; and taking this, they are at once preserved front either harshness of feeling, or the weakness of affection. The word of God being their guide, and the foundation of their government of their children, their mutual relationships will be strengthened, affections increased, and their authority conserved and respected. It is therefore of the last importance that the admonition should be conjoined with the nurture of the Lord. Eli, Samuel, David, and many others are examples of failure in this direction; the sad consequences of which pursued them to the end of their days.
(3.) In conclusion, a few dangers may be indicated, dangers into which many Christian parents fall in forgetfulness of the exhortations that have been considered.
(a) The first we mention is the character of the schools to which oftentimes the children of Christians are sent. For the sake of a few educational advantages, or even on the ground of convenience, believers will sometimes place their children under the care of unbelievers, or under the care of those who, professedly Christians, teach positive error. In other cases, children are allowed to read at school classical works full of impurity and immorality. It is claimed that the Bible must not be used too largely, lest the consciences of unbelievers should be wounded; but have Christians no conscience as to Horace and Ovid, as to Homer and Sophocles, as to Shakespeare and Byron, as to many of the French and German books that find most favor with the teachers of those languages? It is high time that Christian parents took higher ground in this respect, remembering their responsibility to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
(b) The danger is also very common of delegating to others the responsibility of training children for the Lord. However devoted and consistent the persons may be who are instructing their children, nothing can relieve parents from their individual responsibility. That there are difficulties in the way of its discharge in many situations in life cannot be denied. But if the exhortations, more than once alluded to, in Deuteronomy, be recalled, it will be seen that there are very few indeed who could not undertake it. Thou shalt teach them (God's words) diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou hest down, and when thou risest up.” Every opportunity must be seized, because it is the one responsibility that God has laid upon the Christian parent. No one else has the same place or the same claim upon his children as the parent; and if they are ever so well instructed by others, the parent has failed if he has not himself brought them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
(c) The danger is great too in many Christian homes of the allowance of worldly amusements and associations, The Lord's control must be enforced throughout the whole circle of the children's lives. Separated from the world by their connection with their parents, not a single link must be permitted to be re-established. Even their dress should proclaim that they are under the government of the Lord through their parents. And the parents’ example, their houses, all the surroundings of their children, must confirm, support, and illustrate the instruction given as to these things; and then, in the full assurance of faith, God can be reckoned upon to remember His own word, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:66Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)).
These things remembered, and every believing parent seeking, in dependence upon the Lord, to be faithful in his responsibility, what a testimony for God would the Christian household be! In a scene of darkness, confusion, and evil, the believer's home would be as an oasis in the desert—a bright anticipation of the time when everything shall be brought under the rule and sway of the Lord Jesus Christ.