"Thou art the Lord that slept upon the pillow,
Thou art the Lord Who soothed the furious sea.
What matter beating waves and tossing billow,
If only we are in the boat with Thee?
"Hold us in quiet through the age long minute
While Thou art silent, and the wave is shrill;
Can the boat sink, while Thou, dear Lord, art in it?
Can the heart faint that waiteth on Thy will?”
Tuesday, October 14, 1959. This day was the end. The morning passed quietly, like any other morning; at noon, a Chinese friend came in to tell me that the "Jehovah's Witnesses", two Englishmen, had been taken by the police. Later in the afternoon I was shown in the Chinese newspaper the account of their arrest. It never crossed my mind that this might be a casting of the net which would enclose me also. I was only concerned about our dear old friend in whose house the Jehovah's Witnesses rented the ground floor. It had been an unusually warm day, but when I closed the Book Room at five o'clock it was pouring with rain, and I was well drenched by the time I reached my friend's house. I found her much distressed, and it was a relief to her to pour out the story. There was certainly something peculiar, for they were not taken away until noon, but the story of their arrest was in the morning paper. I went home, and went to bed early.
At perhaps ten thirty I was awakened by my housekeeper coming to my bed, saying, "There are many people at the door". Immediately the room, and the verandah where I slept, were filled with a crowd of young men and women. A young woman told me I must come with them to the police station, as there was a certain matter they wanted me to make clear. I quickly dressed, getting into fresh warm clothes, as I realized how cold it had turned, and that very possibly I might be taken straight to prison. These young people were not the ordinary police; one I recognized as the girl from the desk in the Passport office. They were Communist trained cadres, government agents, secret police. I had to sign a warrant of arrest, and a warrant for searching the house. Most of them, perhaps ten, stayed to search the house; they called in an old man and woman from the Lane committee as witnesses; and my housekeeper, and the Christian woman who had a room in the house were there.
I went downstairs with a young man and the young woman, who spoke fluent English, to a waiting motor, and in a few minutes, we were at the Bubbling Well Police Station. I was led through several dark passages to a small room where I was seated at a desk. The man went away to telephone, and the girl brought me a glass of hot water, and glasses of tea for themselves. She asked if I spoke Chinese? I said "A little", and she said that they would use Chinese for my questioning. The young man spoke very slowly and simply in the standard 'Kwo Yu', the northern dialect, so I generally understood without difficulty; and he was very clever at understanding my poor Chinese. They began by asking about my time in the Japanese internment camp, and had me write down the names of those who had been there with me. I cannot imagine what they wanted it for. They went on to ask about the Chinese friend who had been very helpful to us at that time; then to questions about the Russian Christians from Sinkiang, and the Chinese Pastor who had worked among them. Then about Wang Ming Tao: and why after he was imprisoned I had continued to sell his books? Then they asked about our dispensational chart, of which I have spoken. They were much annoyed about it, and went back to it again and again. They said I had insulted them, and put a curse on their Government. I apologized, and assured them my only thought was that it would be insulting to leave them out. But they would not hear of any excuse. It was most revealing, showing how very sensitive they were, and ready to take offense-always a sign of weakness and a sense of insecurity-and also how superstitious! They evidently felt it was a magic formula against them. Then they asked about an old man who used to preach on the street, and distribute tracts; I had provided him with tracts, especially the Arabic and Chinese Travelers' Guide, for Moslems. And they asked about the young man who had lived in my house, and had been arrested. The Communists knew all about him, they had in fact employed him; but he had once worked for the Kuomintang, and it was an offense that I had not denounced him, as he was living in my house.
The Lord was very near to me all that long night. I was afraid, and I could feel myself trembling, but I do not think that they could see it, and I could face them and answer them quite calmly. The Lord had taken away that unreasoning fear I had once had. I really had no fear for myself, or very little, for I had long known that this might come, and that I might have to be imprisoned. What I greatly feared was that I might harm some of the Chinese Christians. I refused to answer most questions about them, but sometimes the questions were so put that it would compromise them more to be silent than to answer.
There was vividly present with me the thought of my Lord's sufferings, His trial and questioning; as though He said, I know all about it; I have been through the same. Only His was so far worse! Especially the words came to me, "He answered them never a word", and I wondered if I ought to refuse to speak. But I think not; I think I was right to say what I could, for we are commanded to "be subject unto the higher powers" Ro. 13:1. Also there is the promise "It shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak". Matt. 20:1919And shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock, and to scourge, and to crucify him: and the third day he shall rise again. (Matthew 20:19). So I told them I would answer any questions about myself, but not about others. Those words came as a warning to say no more than was absolutely necessary. Once or twice, perhaps with the foolish thought of propitiating them, I volunteered information, which I thought harmless. But each time it brought trouble.
About four A.M., after a lot of telephoning, I was taken back to my house. It looked as though an earthquake had struck it. Every box and trunk and drawer had been turned out, and the things they had put back were a worse confusion than what they had left out. There was one rude young man who attacked me about some empty envelopes, and wanted to know where the letters were; and about some old paper currency of the Kuomintang. They had collected a number of things to take away, a big bundle of papers and letters, a roll of Gospel posters, an old box of Homeopathic medicines, etc. They gave me a receipt for them, which the people from the lane signed, but I never received them back: not that they mattered! At last they went away, first one motor load, then another. I could see no sign of my dear housekeeper, and was very anxious lest they had taken her; but when all were gone, she slipped out of her darkened room, and we thanked God for His care. Later I heard something of what had happened, how they had chattered, talking about the things they found, and the texts on the walls. Finally, they had telephoned, If she has confessed, bring her back. This meant that I had acknowledged the various charges, selling Wang Ming Tao's books, giving tracts, not denouncing the young man in my house. I had to make a formal confession of these "crimes" several times.
I put away a few valuables, and made up my bed, which had been thoroughly searched. It was then nearly five, but I could not sleep. All morning I sat waiting for a call. The policeman on our road came to inquire if I were at home. The secret police seemed rather annoyed when they heard of that. The police at the police station did not seem to have anything to do with the secret police, and I thought they did not seem too fond of them. About two the girl came for me. I was wondering if I might be taken to prison, and whether I should make any preparation, so I asked her how long I might be away. She said that they only wanted to get some information, but I had been "very uncooperative". This pleased me very much, for it meant I had not given away any information. I gathered that I would not be "inside" that day. She took me in a pedicab to the police station, but I was thankful to be allowed to return alone on the bus. The next day I was there morning and afternoon. There was the bitter order to hand over the keys of the Book Room; and they said they had the keys of the branch shop from our helper there, so I knew he was being questioned. He evidently was warned to have nothing to do with me, for we never spoke to each other again. I saw him once in the bus, looking very thin and worn. He was still on my compound when I left, and I think was not then being troubled by them, though he lived in constant fear of being deported to the far north west.
For the next six months I was practically under house arrest. I was told that I must remain at home, so that I would be ready whenever they might call me.
I was very careful not to see any one, for the first question they always asked was, Who has been to see you? The British Consul sent to inquire as soon as he knew something was wrong, and later the vice-consul came to see me. At least three times they questioned me as to what was said in the visit; and the only time the questioner lost his temper was after hearing that the Consul had telephoned to tell me the Canadian Government was making inquiries about me. I had refused to answer some question, and he said, You think your Government can help you; you despise the Chinese Government; but we do not care for anyone, Generally they spoke quietly and politely. Once the same man who had been rude at the house came in when I had refused to answer some question, and shouted at me, Christians don't tell lies, so you must answer our questions. But I just did not answer him, and he soon went away, and I never saw him again. The Lord restrained them from anything more; He delivered me from the terrible shoutings and mass questionings that so many of the Chinese have undergone. They never tried to indoctrinate me with Communism. Sometimes they asked me what I thought of things; for example they asked me about the "Hand over your heart" campaign. I said that no one should hand over his heart to anyone but to God. All they said was, That is your belief. And they said the same when I said that the Three-self movement was wrong, because they did not put God first. But one of the charges at my trial was that I had worked against the Three-self movement, which taught Love your country and resist Imperialism. They conveniently dropped the second statement, Love your church.
The interviews were mostly held in the library of the Police station, a large room with a few bookcases, some armchairs, a long table in the middle covered with dirty blue cotton. At one end were magazines; I sat at the side, the young man opposite me, and the girl at the end. The questioning was in Chinese, and the girl wrote down in Chinese what was said. At the end of each interview she read it over to me, and I had to sign it, stating that it was correct. She was always ready to interpret if there was anything I did not understand. It was a great strain, listening closely for an hour or more at a time, for I was not accustomed to speaking Kuo Yu: I had learned a southern dialect, and always spoke it to my housekeeper. But I am sure this was of the Lord's ordering, and saved me from making statements, and saying more than was barely necessary, as I might easily have done in English. Also, when my answers vexed him, or I refused to answer, and he scolded me, I could not understand a word he said. I listened politely, and the girl would say, Do you understand? Not at all. Then she would give a brief summary of the scolding, but it had rather lost its flavor by that time. Generally, it was to the effect that it would be much kinder to my Chinese friends to tell about them-Such an obvious lie!
For some time, I went every day. After ten days, we were again allowed to use the telephone, and they would telephone telling me what time to be there. They brought a lot of letters they had found in the house and the Book Room, especially some that they had found torn up in a waste paper basket at the Book Room and which they had carefully pasted together. They questioned me about these, especially about the people mentioned in them, but this was not hard, for there were no Chinese names, and I was happy to tell them anything they wanted about the people safely out of China. In one letter, there was a reference to the "Bamboo curtain". The questioner indignantly insisted, There is no such thing; we are glad for people to know all about China. And in the next breath he was blaming me for sending out information.
There was a lot of questioning about money. They had found a great deal put away in my trunk; they had not taken it away, but they were very suspicious of it, and I was especially anxious they should not know who gave it to me. As a matter of fact, it was only the Lord's goodness this money was not all sealed up in the Book Room. When it was soaked by the flood, I had brought it out to the house to dry. They would keep coming back to the same subject, ask the same questions, and would go on and on, probing, and ferreting out information, till I felt I could not bear any more. As the girl wrote down what was said, there was often a pause, and I would repeat to myself, "I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. Fear not, thou worm Jacob." Is. 41:10-14. And I would close my right hand, and almost feel His answering pressure.
There was one matter I was especially anxious to keep from them. At last they began to ask me about the person concerned. On and on they questioned, just one more question, and I would have had to tell them, or else tell a direct lie. In my heart, I screamed, "Lord, you must help me now, I cannot betray my friend". And I was heard "because of (my) shamelessness". Lu. 11:8 N.T. The questioning stopped, and though they went back to it again and again, I never had to reveal that matter.
When I came home after an hour or two of questioning my whole mind seemed whirling round; I was exhausted but could not rest. And I well understood how the minds of so many have given way. For many of the Chinese the questioning goes on without stopping, day and night, for days on end. Sometimes a blazing light is focused right on the victim's eyes; if he closes them, he is given a blow across them. The police admitted to me that Wang Ming Tao's brain had given way, though they said that his body was all right. Of course, the devil took advantage of these times. As my mind went over and over the questions and my answers, he pointed out all the times I had failed, failed in the exact truth, failed by saying something that might bring trouble on some one. Though most of the accusations against me were not sins in the sight of God, yet I had plenty of failures which might justly be condemned. He also brought forward all kinds of lies to trouble me. I am ashamed that I did not know the Shepherd's voice well enough to recognize that it was the "accuser of the brethren” stirring up his fog of trouble, not the Holy Spirit admonishing. There was one time, the questioner had shown me a letter they had found acknowledging some books I had sent to distribute in the prison, and asking for money. I thought I had destroyed the letter, and of course I should have done so. The devil was quite right in telling me how foolish and wrong I had been in having kept that letter. But he was not right in telling me that the Lord would hold it against me, and how could I expect to be forgiven? As usual I turned to the Psalms for comfort. The hundred and seventh had often helped, and I read of the stormy wind when one's soul is melted because of trouble. But the sword which defeated the devil that time was the seventeenth verse: "Fools, because of their transgressions, and because of their iniquities, are afflicted." That just described me, and so I could take the promise belonging to it: "They cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and He saveth them out of their distresses. He sent His Word and healed them". That is what He did for me: He is ready with His healing Word for every one, fool or sinner.
Looking back now, I cannot understand how I so dropped the shield of faith that the devil could shoot in his fiery dart that the Lord would not forgive unless I were ready to tell the truth even at the cost of betraying my friends. At the time, it was torture. If any of my readers are so tortured, recognize the voice of the devil; it is the accusing wolf, not the Good Shepherd, who can suggest He will not forgive. "To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses". Dan. 9:99To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him; (Daniel 9:9). "He will abundantly pardon". Is. 55:7. Our God never discourages. "Happy is the man whom God correcteth... He maketh sore, and bindeth up; He woundeth, and His hands make whole". Job 5:17,1817Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: 18For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole. (Job 5:17‑18). As I have said, the very same word in Greek means exhorting, and also encouraging or comforting. The devil is the god of discouragement; it is the devil who tells you you are a failure, and no more use to God.
And perhaps it is partly pride; we do not like to own that we are all failures; and we are not much use to God. But how kind of Him to deign to use us.
The Lord brought me encouragement through many Scriptures during those months. The first one, that 15th of October was Job 5:8-218I would seek unto God, and unto God would I commit my cause: 9Which doeth great things and unsearchable; marvellous things without number: 10Who giveth rain upon the earth, and sendeth waters upon the fields: 11To set up on high those that be low; that those which mourn may be exalted to safety. 12He disappointeth the devices of the crafty, so that their hands cannot perform their enterprise. 13He taketh the wise in their own craftiness: and the counsel of the froward is carried headlong. 14They meet with darkness in the daytime, and grope in the noonday as in the night. 15But he saveth the poor from the sword, from their mouth, and from the hand of the mighty. 16So the poor hath hope, and iniquity stoppeth her mouth. 17Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: 18For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole. 19He shall deliver thee in six troubles: yea, in seven there shall no evil touch thee. 20In famine he shall redeem thee from death: and in war from the power of the sword. 21Thou shalt be hid from the scourge of the tongue: neither shalt thou be afraid of destruction when it cometh. (Job 5:8‑21). Verse 8, "I would seek unto God, and unto God would I commit my cause" gave me a very comforting assurance as to Who would bear the responsibility for me. The following promises were gratifying-"He disappointeth the devices of the crafty... but He saveth the poor... from the hand of the mighty. So the poor hath hope". But I realized that what really more concerned me was verse 17: "Happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty"; and I made my prayer. "That which I see not, teach Thou me" Job 34:31, 3231Surely it is meet to be said unto God, I have borne chastisement, I will not offend any more: 32That which I see not teach thou me: if I have done iniquity, I will do no more. (Job 34:31‑32). The Psalms were specially written for me at such a time. Day after day they brought comfort. My special Psalm was the thirty first: each time I was called up I read it over, and always found fresh comfort. In the 4th verse was the "net they laid privily for me"; the eleventh verse was true in each detail: the enemies who reproached me; many of our neighbors in the Lane were delighted at this opportunity against the foreigner; my friends feared evil might come to them through me, and avoided me, and I them. Equally true was the thirteenth verse-the questionings were full of slander, and the wresting of my words, and "fear was on every side: while they took counsel together against me". But the fourteenth and fifteenth verses were equally true: "I trusted in Thee, O Lord... my times are in Thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies". And at last I could join in the triumphant conclusion "Oh how great is Thy goodness... which Thou hast wrought for them that trust in Thee... Blessed be the Lord; for He hath shewed me His marvelous kindness in a strong city". I found that the 71St is a pair to the 31St: compare the beginning of the two, especially in the New Translation. In the 31St there was "fear on every side"; in the 71St comes the answer of "comfort on every side". In this Psalm was the verse which had been my first promise when I came to China forty years before: "I will go in the strength of the Lord God", and it still holds true. But the special encouragement I found in this Psalm is God's Righteousness: verse 2, Deliver me in Thy Righteousness; 15, My mouth shall show forth Thy Righteousness and Thy Salvation all the day; 16, I will make mention of Thy Righteousness, even of Thine only. 19, Thy Righteousness, 0 God, is very high; 24, my tongue shall talk of Thy Righteousness all the day long. That was just what I needed. I had still been trusting in some rag of my own righteousness, and I can thank the devil that I found it was useless. When I remembered that "He hath covered me with the robe of His Righteousness" Is. 61:10, then the fiery darts could no longer burn me.
The time will come, when "we must all be manifested before the judgment seat of the Christ, that each may receive the things done in the body, according to those he has done, whether it be good or evil". 2 Cor. 5:1010For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. (2 Corinthians 5:10). NT. As I sat before those questioners they tried to search out everything in my life. But I could answer, and often did answer, "I do not know", "I forget", "I will not tell you". But we shall not be able to escape in that way at the judgment seat of Christ, or before the great white Throne. He sees into the heart. In the day of judgment we must give account of "every idle word". Matt. 12:3636But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. (Matthew 12:36). "Who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts". 1 Cor. 4:55Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God. (1 Corinthians 4:5). Our own righteousness is useless then. We must be clothed in His robe of righteousness; and that Righteousness is Christ Himself-"Christ Jesus, Who of God is made unto us... Righteousness". 1 Cor. 1:3030But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: (1 Corinthians 1:30)f "For he hath made Him to be sin for us, Who knew no sin; that we might be made the Righteousness of God in Him." 2 Cor. 5:2121For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. (2 Corinthians 5:21). That is the only Righteousness that can stand the blazing light of God's inquiry. If there is any one of my readers who is trusting to anything else, take warning: I found it terrible before that human tribunal; it will be far worse before the judgment seat of Christ, before the great white Throne. Avail yourself now of the Righteousness of God, freely given to us in Christ. And if any soul who has trusted Christ trembles at the thought of that judgment seat, remember that it does not depend on you. We are covered with His Righteousness, and it is inviolable. I trusted in His Righteousness alone, and with that came His Peace, filling and surrounding me.
"Jesus, the Lord, our Righteousness!
Our beauty Thou, our glorious dress!
Before the Throne, in this arrayed,
With joy shall we lift up the head.
Bold shall we stand in that great day,
For who aught to our charge shall lay,
While by Thy Blood absolved we are
From sin and guilt, from shame and fear?”
Zinzendorf.
I had a final message from that seventy first Psalm. It had been an especially trying session. There had been questions about many Chinese, some I knew, some I did not; and about a foreign friend who had given me money in exchange for foreign funds. They did not ask about the money, but they sent me home with the threatening message, You go home and think about it-a favorite device of theirs. All the rest of the day I was weighed down with fear for this friend, and what they might ask me about her. Actually, she had left Shanghai, but I did not know, for the letter she had sent me never reached me; but a few weeks later I heard that my sister had seen her in Hong Kong. But before that the words came to me, "Thou hast given commandment to save me".
I could not place it at once, but I hunted it out, and there it was at the beginning of my seventy first Psalm. It gave me great confidence, for I recognized my Shepherd's voice that time. That was the last regular questioning. As time went on, I had been called only once a week. Finally, November 20 I was called one Thursday morning. I had already gone to town, but I was told to come over at twelve thirty. I was taken into a little inner room, and there the young man went over the whole matter; then I was told to write it all down in English. I said I could not possibly remember; so he more or less dictated to me and I wrote down all my "crimes", seven and a half pages. Then as I had made some erasures and changes, I had to copy it all out. I wished I could have kept a copy! This was my sort of general confession, on which my trial was to be based, though I did not realize it then; I only knew how tired I was! Just after that the Lord gave me the Word, Those "whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again no more forever". Ex. 14:1313And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will show to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever. (Exodus 14:13). I could hardly believe it, but it really was true: that was the end of the questioning.