SINNERS do not believe that God loves them, but it is true nevertheless. We do not by nature love God, hence we doubt His love to us. I have two reasons for knowing that God loved me when I was a sinner—first, because the Bible says, “God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:88But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)); second, because I am now saved; and if God had not loved me when I was a sinner, I should never have been saved at all.
The way in which I was brought to God proved that God loved me before I loved Him―yes, even when I was an enemy to God. More than twenty years ago, one Sunday evening, I was on my way with some companions to spend the evening in the back parlor of a hotel, and on our way we came to the entrance of one of the largest Protestant churches in a city in Canada, where an earnest preacher was gathering crowds to hear him, many of whom had been stirred up about their own souls, and some about the souls of others. For some unaccountable reason, we stopped at the door, and finally went in. The church was crowded, and the service was so far advanced that the preacher had begun his discourse. As my parents were believers, and I had heard the gospel often preached, I knew both the scripture and the gospel in my head, better perhaps than most unconverted people. Nothing struck me particularly in what the preacher said, except his earnest denunciation of righteousness, and of sin in every shape.
As we could not find seats, we remained but a short time, and retiring quietly, proceeded to the hotel, where we ordered what we wanted, and lit our pipes. Presently one of our number began to jeer at what the preacher had said, whereupon I undertook to reply, saying, “Well, if we are on the way to hell, what he said is true.”
A dead silence ensued, my companions looking at me with astonishment, and the jeerer, with contempt. I do not remember what followed, but we soon separated, and in a short time I was alone, on my way home.
I can now plainly see that I had taken my first step on the way to God. My own words were used by God to pierce my conscience; and from that time I was convicted of sin. I was irresistibly led to read my utterly neglected Bible, and night after night retired to my room, instead of going out as formerly with my friends. All perceived the change, but no one spoke to me, for I kept them at a distance by my own reticence, though God was speaking to me. I knew there was salvation to be had, and wanted to get it, but thought it was out of the question for me to take it as I was. I hoped first to get rid of some at least of the moral filth with which I was conscious of being covered, before I could presume to “take salvation.”
Setting about trying to reform my ways, I found old habits were stronger than resolutions, and failure and disappointment brought me to my knees in prayer. At last, one Saturday afternoon in February, instead of a snow-shoe tramp as usual, was pacing Thy room in longing desires after salvation. James’s “Anxious Enquirer” had been given me by someone, and while it had afforded me some satisfaction at the time of reading it, it gave no lasting help. At length I stopped, and said to myself, “Can it be for me, just as I am?”
This was what God was waiting for, for instantly a voice in my soul replied, “Yes,” and I was filled with joy. Then for one moment I looked at myself and said, “Is it possible?” and my joy departed, but only to return the next moment as in confidence in God’s word, and by His grace in simple child-like faith I rested on His “Yes.”
Then I sat down to the table to find two scriptures, which came to my mind, but where they were I scarcely knew; one was “Father, glorify Thy name;” the other, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus,”―and at length I found them. In my search for these passages I came upon John 17, which I read through, and for the first time the tears came, for God’s love to me had reached my soul, and my stubborn heart was subdued by His marvelous grace abounding over all my sins, and I knew that I was saved. I could not have told you the real meaning of the work of Christ, or how I was saved, dear reader, but the love of God was shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost which was given me.
Sorrowfully do I confess it, I have often grieved that Holy Spirit since that day, and thus have lost the sense of God’s love, but it has never changed, and “we love Him because He first loved us.”
Where are my companions of that night when we entered the church? One has gone out of this world, without giving the least hope in his death―he whose remarks provoked my reply, “If we are on the way to hell, what he said is true.”
Oh, depth of mercy, to reach even me! Sinner, would you know mercy for yourself? Then place yourself before your God, who knows you through and through. From the first beat of your infant heart, when you were ushered into this world of sin, His eye has been upon you, and now by these words which you are reading, He beseeches you to be reconciled to Himself. The enmity is on your side, not on His. God is love!
J. J.M.