On hearing of the illness of poor F H—, I had a great desire to go and speak with him, for, from the slight acquaintance we had, I felt certain that he was not a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and all the solemnity of such a condition came up before me,—drawing near to the grave, and without hope in the future, who can measure the awfulness of such a position? And yet, thousands go on in health, and even in sickness, without allowing the thought ever to have a passing place in their minds; or, if for a moment, it does press itself on their attention, it is only to be as soon dismissed as an unpleasant subject.
The young man about whom I write, was one who had been carefully brought up, and, as a son and brother, was all that could be wished for; and, in an external way, he had a respect for the things of God, and would be found regularly at the church which he usually attended; but, with all this, the Lord Jesus, as a Savior of the lost, had no place in his heart, nor had he any true sense of his own lost condition.
The immediate cause of his illness was his constant attendance at an entertainment given by a Professor of mesmerism, where he himself was one of the chief actors, for, being a good "subject," he was constantly there, and the strain on both mind and body was such that it at length brought on consumption. Yet, such was the infatuation, that, notwithstanding the entreaty of his friends, and a mother's earnest request to the Professor that he would cease to exercise his power over her son, who was losing his health thereby, the thing went on, and his then present condition was the result of it.
My first desire to call upon him was somewhat checked by the fact of my not knowing his family, and the objection which I was pretty sure they would raise to his being visited. However, after waiting much upon the Lord, I sent a request that I might see him. At first they objected to having his mind alarmed, which would be the effect of his being spoken to about his soul, but after a couple of days they sent for me, saying F—would be glad to see me.
On entering his room I was convinced that I was about to speak to a soul drawing very near to the grave, and I felt somewhat the importance of the few moments which were given me.
After a few inquiries as to his body, I opened the subject which was uppermost in my thoughts. I found him full of the thought of recovery. I tried to speak plainly and faithfully to him, but it did not appear to make the smallest impression. He spoke lightly, and even carelessly, and avoided most carefully every word which brought the truth home to his conscience. I told him he was upon a sick-bed, and one which possibly he might never leave alive, and asked him if he was prepared to meet the One whom he and all of us had so offended.
He said, in reply, it was only a slight attack he had, and that there really was no occasion to look so seriously upon it.
Oh, how difficult it is to reach the natural heart. Truly we can say it is "impossible to man," but, blessed be His name, "possible to God.”
When leaving, he expressed a wish that I should call again, which I promised to do, and went away with a heavy heart.
A few days passed, and I began to think it time to see him, when I received an urgent message, saying he would like to see me at once.
I gladly responded to it, and called the same evening. The doctors had broken to him that morning that there was little hope of his recovery, and as the prospect of meeting God came before him the retrospect of his history made him tremble.
He said, “I have been reading the book you gave me, and it has made me uneasy, and I have been longing to see you again; and when the doctor told me to-day that I was not likely to recover, I sent at once for you.”
I then asked what he wished to see me for. He earnestly replied, "Cannot you say something to comfort me?”
I sat down with a heart overflowing with thankfulness to the Lord, who had evidently been working in his soul, and told him the sweet tale of the love of Christ. I sought to put it before him in many varied ways, as day after day I saw him, but to no purpose; each day, if possible, I left him more wretched than before. One day, as I was leaving town to preach the gospel at some distance, and did not expect to be back before a late hour, I asked a friend to go and see him, and I cannot do better than give her own account of the way in which this precious soul was brought into perfect peace, and enabled to rejoice with exceeding great joy.
"On entering the house I thought he was dying, as again and again I heard the question put to him, Oh, F—, won't you say one word to give us some hope? ' with no reply, but violent coughing. When I entered the room the poor fellow looked at me and turned his face to the wall, and, as we all thought, slept; while his sorrowing sister, and others who were present, recounted all that had been done for him, physician after physician prescribing, and still he was no better. Oh, what a picture of our hopeless, helpless condition! We are not able to reach the blessing ourselves, and we have no friend who can help us (John 5:77The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me. (John 5:7)).
"Mark 5:24-3424And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him. 25And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, 26And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, 27When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. 28For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. 29And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague. 30And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes? 31And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me? 32And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing. 33But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. 34And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague. (Mark 5:24‑34), which I had been reading that day was pressed on my mind. Man’s efforts of no avail,—but there was a turning point in the history of this poor woman. When she heard of Jesus, she said, ‘If I may touch but his garment I shall be whole.’ She leaves physicians behind, and presses forward, through all hindrances, to reach Jesus. Let man's efforts come in the way of help, as the physicians, or in the way of hindrance, as the crowd, each and all are as nothing,—press through the crowd she will, for she said ‘If I may touch but his clothes I shall be whole.’ One of those present said that a visitor had told F— that ‘If’ was a good word, for too great confidence amounted to presumption. I quoted John 5:2424Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life. (John 5:24), ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation, but is passed from death unto life.’ I said, surely the man who said ‘If thou wilt, thou canst make me clean’ (Luke 5:1212And it came to pass, when he was in a certain city, behold a man full of leprosy: who seeing Jesus fell on his face, and besought him, saying, Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. (Luke 5:12)), limited the grace of Christ, though not his power, but this poor woman's ‘If’ referred rather to the fear of not reaching Jesus. But she touches Him and is made whole, for there was not one shade of doubt upon her mind, ' If I may but touch, I shall be made whole.'
"At this moment the dear young man turned round, and, with the most intense anxiety depicted on his face, fixed his eyes upon me, and said, 'What! is it only to touch? Oh, my! Oh, my!' He then lay back, uttering now and again, incoherent words.
"His sister, dreading the result of a fit of coughing, begged for silence, when he laid his finger upon his mouth, and there was perfect silence for half an hour. The silence ended a work of grace, for he turned round, raised and clasped his emaciated hands, and cried with a loud voice, ‘Lord Jesus, I desire to touch you by faith.’ Again there was silence. He looked so calm and peaceful, his eyes closed, but his lips were moving as if in prayer.
"After a little rest he said to his sister, ‘Where is my beloved mother? help her to come in’ (she too, was an invalid); and then, his countenance beaming with delight, he said, ‘Mother, I am happy now; never before this day.'
“She said, 'What makes you happy, my own dear child?'
"'Now I am a child of God,' he replied, and, raising his hands and passing one over the other, as if to show how it was done, added, ‘because Jesus has put all my sins away,’ and then lay back quite overcome. When a little stronger, he said to his sister, ‘Send and tell Mr. F—that now I know the Lord: his prayer for such a heedless sinner has been heard and answered.’
"Later in the day, when I was about to leave, he said, ‘Do write on the wall over against me, that I may read it again and again during the night, that this day at twelve o'clock I found Christ.’
"One present said, ‘No, but He found you.'
"‘No,’ he said, turning to me, ‘you tell them, I cannot speak.’
"I replied, ‘Perhaps the Lord has given him that word, "Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn thee" (Jer. 31:33The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jeremiah 31:3)), but it is only to-day he has believed it.’
“He smiled, and faintly uttered the words ‘Yes, yes.’
“I said, ‘Now he won’t ask for the writing on the wall, he can see by faith his name in the Lamb's book of life.’
"He then pressed my hand, and said, ‘It is enough.’
"Next day, after a happy night (which he said beforehand he dreaded as dark), his heart was overflowing with delight, at the prospect of soon being with Him; he said, ‘Oh, I shall wave the palm of victory, and wear the crown, in the presence of my Savior.’ Then, referring to Mark 5:2828For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. (Mark 5:28), he said, ‘No literal touch now, Jesus is risen, the object of faith.’
"The bitter grief of one to whom he was engaged pressing upon his heart, he called her and said, ‘My own beloved, I was to have been yours for time, but I belong to the Lord Jesus for eternity.’ Overcome in a measure he lay back, feeling, he said, extreme weakness, and truly, his poor pallid face giving expression to his intense suffering.
"He once said, 'Oh, I have no rest;' but, immediately checking himself, added, with beaming face, ‘but, surely, I have rest.’ He repeated, over and over again, the words, 'with Him;' they were the last words I heard him utter when taking a final leave of him, for that same night he departed to be with Christ, which is far better."
Such, dear reader, is the beautiful simplicity of the grace of God; it comes down to meet us in all our deep need, applying itself to every aspect of our condition, leaving nothing for us to do, Christ having done everything; for well He knew that if there was even the smallest thing left for us to do, it must remain undone forever, and we must be lost. It is only to touch,—such was the discovery this poor burdened one made; and such is the discovery which you, poor burdened one (if my reader be such), may make at this moment; the touch of faith brings virtue from Christ. Sin is put away, the conscience purged, and the heart made perfectly free, to be at home in the very light of God’s presence, and to rejoice in hope of the glory; all this is to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly; his faith is counted for righteousness " (Rom. 4:55But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. (Romans 4:5)).
I shall long remember the beaming face which looked upon me, when late that night I returned, and having driven round to inquire how my young friend was, I was ushered into his room. He was wearied waiting for me, for he was longing to tell me of the peace and joy which filled his heart, and how simple it all was; he had sent three messages for me that day, none of which, of course, I received, but now, as I had at last come, he was happy. I could but sit down beside him with a heart filled with praise and thanksgiving to the Lord, and listen to what, in broken sentences, he was able to tell me of the love and grace which sought and found such a sinner as he was.
The last time I saw him he took leave of me, saying, "We shall not again meet here, but we shall there," pointing upwards. The next morning when I called a crape hung upon the door: he had gone to be with the Lord. G. W. F.