New Testament
(Although these comments were originally made for fathers in a natural family relationship, we venture to repeat them here, as many of the same principles apply to spiritual fathers.)
There are instructions — very few and very simple — for fathers. Many a heartache will it save, if only these few words may find a permanent place in the father’s heart.
Ephesians 6:44And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) reads, “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The Greek word for “do not provoke” is one that is rarely used. The only other place we find it in the New Testament is in Romans 10:1919But I say, Did not Israel know? First Moses saith, I will provoke you to jealousy by them that are no people, and by a foolish nation I will anger you. (Romans 10:19). The noun formed from it is found in Ephesians 4:2626Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (Ephesians 4:26), but nowhere else in the New Testament. There it means “irritation.” You have been irritated, and the Lord says, “Let not the sun go down upon your irritation.” Perhaps the exhortation to the fathers might be rendered, “Ye fathers, do not irritate your children.” How easy it is to irritate them. The word is not as strong as to make them angry. Perhaps it includes the teasing that so often we are tempted to indulge in towards our children. Perhaps we think we have a right to do this and that it is good for them. On the contrary, it is direct disobedience to the Word of God and will most surely bring a harvest of sorrow. We are to “bring them up.” The word translated in this way is used again in Ephesians 5:2929For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Ephesians 5:29), where we read that Christ “nourishes” the church. We are not to “drive” the children, but “bring” them, and what a difference! We are to bring them up in the “nurture ... . of the Lord.” This word translated “nurture” literally means “the rearing of a child.” We find it again in 2 Timothy 3:16, where it is translated “instruction.” In Hebrews 12:5,7-8,115And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: (Hebrews 12:5)
7If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. (Hebrews 12:7‑8)
11Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:11), we find it again, translated, this time, “chastening.” This includes the disciplinary spankings and other punishments that we are responsible to give our children, and the Scripture tells us that at the time this “does not seem to be a matter of joy, but of grief; but afterwards yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those exercised by it” (Heb. 12:1111Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:11) JND). We are disobeying the Lord when we do not chastise our children, and we have noticed this when speaking of Eli and his sons. But let us bear in mind that to bring our children up in the nurture of the Lord, chastisement is included. This word also includes training, learning, instruction and discipline: Each one is most important for the child in its own way, and all are included in “nurture.” But there is another word. We are to bring them up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The word “admonition” literally means “putting in mind.” Perhaps most children are forgetful, and part of their training is to put them in mind. What patience is needed for this! Perhaps the word also includes teaching, exhortation and warning; surely not threatening. All these we must have, but all are to be “of the Lord.” And let us remember, never are we to irritate them.
We get another little word for the fathers in Colossians 3:2121Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. (Colossians 3:21). It is only one line in my Greek Testament, but how much is found in that one line! “The fathers, do not stir up your children, in order that they may not be disheartened.” The word for stir up (or provoke) is found also in 2 Corinthians 9:2; not elsewhere in the New Testament. God our Father is the God of all encouragement, and we are not to do anything that will dishearten or discourage our children. Our character towards them is to be the same as our Father’s character towards us — encouragement. May the Lord Himself teach us how to do this according to His will — to imitate (literally mimic) Him (Eph. 5:11Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; (Ephesians 5:1)).
Old Testament Admonitions
Let us look together at a few of the Old Testament exhortations to us who are parents or grandparents, for we find both are included.
“Take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons” (Deut. 4:99Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons; (Deuteronomy 4:9)). A word for each of us there.
“These words which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thine house, and on thy gates” (Deut. 6:6-96And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. 8And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. 9And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates. (Deuteronomy 6:6‑9)).
These Scriptures may well give us to understand the urgency of teaching our children the Scriptures. As they get older, schoolwork and homework will take up their time, and year by year you will find your opportunities grow less. While they are little children is the time to teach them this blessed Book. When we were children, my mother used to gather us every day, and she would read aloud to us. Our father, too, taught us in the daily morning and evening readings, and we had an aunt and a grandmother who also taught us these holy Scriptures.
Proverbs
There is one more scripture which I would like to remind you of: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:66Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)). This seems to me to be a very encouraging promise for the parents, and one that we may well take to heart to cheer us on the way, as we seek to train up our children in the way they should go.
The words of the grandfather are ended, but they have greatly condemned him. They have made him feel how he has failed and how utterly unqualified he was for such a work. But within these pages are promises and warnings, counsel and encouragement, from “Him who faileth not.” On these we may rest with implicit confidence. These can surely guide us aright even through these last days when we know that difficult times must come (2 Tim. 3:1 JND). Our own failure and frailty may often cast us down, but let us ever “look off unto Jesus.” There alone will we find strength for the day. And let us ever and always remember, “God is faithful.”
G. C. Willis (adapted)