You will doubtless think, dear——-, that I am hard and heartless with regard to you, all the more that my last letter scarcely met the expectation of your heart. But I place myself -at least I try to-before the Lord for you; not without considering the needs of your heart, but putting even before these the good of your soul as well as the glory of the Lord, which is connected with it. I write now that you may know that I am not unmindful of the need of your heart, that you may feel that I take account of it, and that I desire to see the grace of God meet you on this side also. I do not cease to love you. You had a natural character, where with much affection and energy, there was but little moral veneration. Now when one is away from the Lord the bad side of the character shows itself at once, and the moral sensibilities grow weak, and this is what has happened to you. The restoration of your soul will take place by your being led to judge this, re-establishing, and in a certain sense I might say, establishing the judgment of the new an, of God, on this side of your nature. One may follow the leading of the Spirit of God as being born of God, and walk well in abandoning the allurements of the old man, without having judged the character that no longer produces its fruits. If we walk humbly with God, this will be done little by little, almost without our being aware of it. Otherwise, if there is confidence in oneself, negligence, this character which was dormant, reproduces itself in a fall. Then there is not real restoration of soul until this is judged. This is what is called in Job 33 "to show unto man his uprightness" or his duty, that is to say, what is the right place for him before God in the inner man.
I do not speak of the fruits which this character has produced—it is easy to judge that—but it has to do with oneself. It is then that pride disappears, the wish to excuse oneself. One is before God. If the course of others has broken us down we are thankful, we see in it the hand of God, and not of men. But above all there is the sober judgment of oneself, a clear perception of one's own character, but humiliation before God, because one takes the side of the new man and of God against oneself. There is gentleness and graciousness. I am myself what God detests, and I cannot bear the thought of being detested by God. I do not speak of imputation, I suppose we are clear as to that; but I speak of the fact that Christ is in us for communion, and we have been—what?
When we think of what, belongs to us, not of our position before God, but that Christ can dwell in our hearts by faith, and that our intercourse with God can be real in the purity of the Spirit of God, and up to what point our natural character, our flesh has led us, then the heart shrinks. To think of it is despair. We need that uprightness of Job; when grace acts it is the restoration of the soul; communion is re-established; the heart finds God again. We are always exposed, even to relapses, until we have reached that point. But when we have, it is peace; the will which shows itself in the acting of the natural character is broken, and we walk with God; we can follow Christ, not before. May the Lord indeed work in your heart, and exercise it according to His grace. I shall be glad to know what your state is.
1862.