Persecuting “Christians.” Chapter 4.
IN order that I might have money enough to live upon for a little time, and also sufficient to pay my passage to England, I started for Hamburg on foot. I thought I should not suffer as before, but found, on my way through woods and fields, to my bitter experience, that money is not everything! Often, walking in the darkness through forests, I could get nothing to eat and sometimes, for days together, I live upon the fruit and berries I gathered on my way.
One morning, after having walked nearly the whole of the night, I came near a village, and sat down under a plum-tree by the roadside. As I ate of its fruit, suddenly four great, rough fellows came up, and, saying I had no business there, the tree being theirs, they seized hold of me and declared they would have me imprisoned! Seeing I was a foreigner, they guessed I had money about me, and one of them, drawing out his knife, threatened to kill me. They robbed me of all I had, and I ran off to save my life.
“Can there be a God, who sees all my troubles, and yet is silent?” my heart whispered, and for a time I really began to think “There is no God, for otherwise how could He let me sink down into this misery?”
On reaching the village, I asked as usual, if any Jews lived there. To my sorrow I was told no; but a man kindly gave me some bread, and directed me to a town, which could be reached in about eight hours’ walking, where he said I should find many Jews.
Sometimes three or four day; would pass by without my seeing a Jew, and had it not been harvest time I must have perished with hunger I have lived whole days upon apples, and when going through potato fields have gathered together a few sticks and straw, and baked some. I also got an earthen pot, in which I placed sufficient potatoes for one or two meals, and cooked them on the road. Thanks to the German highways, with their beautiful fruit-trees on either side, I have been able to refresh myself, and sometimes to get quite a good meal.
On leaving one village, I was badly bitten by a fierce dog, and the wound bled so much, that had there been any Jews in the village I would have returned; but I preferred the pain to asking Gentiles or Christians for help, and, looking up to heaven, I cried out that God was too severe on me.
After walking for about three hours, my wound bleeding, and being very faint with hunger and pain, I was again tempted to destroy myself. I tore my waistcoat in half and looked out for a tree where I could hang myself, and thus end my misery. On reaching the tree I said my prayers according to the Jewish prayer-book, when, looking up, I say the boughs laden with apples. I forgot my wretchedness, climbed the tree, and ate the fruit; then, sitting down, I rested under it shadow, repeating the words of Solomon, “I sat down under His shadow with great delight, and His fruit was sweet to my taste.”
Being weakened by the loss of blood, I was not able to pursue my journey, and remained under the tree during the night. Early in the morning I started off to the town, and went to the synagogue, where fainted from hunger. The Jews came around me, gave me restoratives, and inquired who I was, to which I answered, “Pray first give me something to eat; please ask no questions.” Then they took me to the house of a Jew, where every comfort surrounded me. Here I fell ill; the benevolent Jews did all in their power to restore me to health and by their kind nursing, with God’s help I was soon well again.
Although I was weak, I determined to proceed, and, after walking a few hours; rested for the night in a corn-field, where I slept comfortably. In the morning the farmer came to see his corn, and I told him how I was situated. He very kindly offered me meat, cheese, bread, and butter, but, while being most grateful, I was unable to receive the bounty as I was a Jew.
After I had gone a day’s journey, I found I had left my phylacteries in the corn-field, so I walked back all through the night, and reaches the place again in the morning. The farmer was not there, but a number of men were a work in the field. I asked them if they had found my phylacteries. They did not understand what I meant, and concluded I was mad. Then they swore at me, cursed me, and cried, “Be off, be off, or we will hang you, as did your wicked brethren, the Jews, hang Jesus Christ,” and they set dogs at me, till I fell almost fainting on the ground. These people were rough, low Roman Catholics.
The farmer came to my help, lifted me up, and revived me. As I retraced my steps, I made up my mind not to go near a Christian, and, whenever I had the opportunity, to blaspheme the Christian’s religion; at that time it would have given me great pleasure to have shed the blood of Christians. I prayed God to deliver me from the hands of cruel men, and to bring me into a land where I could enjoy the liberty of the true religion of Judaism, and have the power to persecute Christians as they had persecuted me.
My hatred towards Christians increased more and more—so much so that I would pass villages in which there were no Jews without stopping, and have gone from twenty-eight to thirty hours without food, rather than touch the gift of a Christian. My only means of subsistence was potatoes and fruit, which I pulled up or gathered on the roadside.
At last I came to a small town where a Rabbi lived, and he helped me and set me on my way for Hamburg, which was some days’ journey. I reached a place about twelve miles from Hamburg at nine o’clock, one very wet evening, and inquired at an—inn if any Jews lived in the town. There were none, and I then begged the innkeeper to let me sit in his house during the night, as I was wet and hungry, and was too weary to walk any further. The innkeeper was a Roman Catholic, and, seeing I was a Jew, he declared he would show no kindness to that accursed people, and commanded me to leave his house at once.
I then went to the police station, and asked leave to remain there through the night. The inspector ordered that I should be put in a cell, and bade me rest there.
When the morning came I found the cell was locked up, and no answer came to my knocking at the door. At length the jailer came and said, “What is it you want? You are imprisoned, and cannot be released until the judge give you your freedom.”
“I have done nothing,” said I, but no answer was given me. Presently bread and gruel were brought, and I ate the bread, but did not touch the gruel, since it was cooked by Gentiles. Prison clothes were put on me and there seemed no escape.
Sunday came, and I was ordered to attend church, but refused, saying I was a Jew.
Then the head jailer, or chief officer struck me on the face several times, and said very roughly, “You must obey the orders you receive.”
I replied, in German, “I shall not go to church by anyone’s orders; it is against my religion. I hate the churches of Christians, and I hate the Christian religion,” adding that I was a Russian subject, and should appeal to the Russian consul. “If I have done anything worthy of imprisonment, prove it. I have committed no fault, and you have no right to punish me.”
“If you are a Jew,” said the man, “you are not worthy of being found in a Christian church,” and he left me. After being kept eight days in the cell I was released, and subsequently found that the inspector had done all this just to amuse his household!
On regaining my liberty I took an oath never, if I could help it, to speak to a Christian, nor to help one, even if I saw him perishing.
When close to Hamburg, a gendarme stopped me, and brought me to a kind of barracks, where a few more gendarmes were lounging about. They asked me where I was going. When I told them to England, and that I was a Russian, they laughed at me, and one of them, who seemed to be intoxicated, drew his sword and said, “You are a Frenchman; I will kill you.”
I made no answer, and left them to do as they pleased. There was no one to help me. I thought God had forgotten me, and that I must perish at the hands of the Gentiles, and earnestly prayed God either to take away my life, or to save me from these troubles, and to satisfy my soul.
Seeing my misery, the gendarmes amused themselves by threatening my life, and otherwise tormenting me, till I fell upon the ground, crying bitterly to Jehovah, “Eli, Eli, lamah, azabhtani?” the Hebrew of Ps. 22:1 ― “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?”