A Word to Fathers
Undoubtedly every Christian father feels the difficulty of bringing up a family for the Lord in days like these. Nor can we expect it to become easier as the Lord’s coming draws nearer, for the darkness is increasing. We need the light and wisdom of the Word of God and strength from above, because “greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:44Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4)). We have no strength or wisdom of our own.
Wisdom From Proverbs and John’s Epistles
As to the teaching, correcting, warning, and even discipline of our children (when necessary), we get the wisdom of God for this in the book of Proverbs. It is very important that we should read this book carefully and prayerfully, for we cannot be wiser than God. However, I believe there are two sides to the training of our children. Proverbs gives us the one side, but I believe we find the other in John’s epistles. We are inclined to be one-sided, and most of us fail in this way. But the Word of God never makes us unbalanced; it is our own wills! The book of Proverbs brings before us more particularly the training of our children. The epistles of John are the pattern for our own conduct with them and the character we display before them. This is most important, for it is our own conduct that gives weight to what we say to them.
John’s first epistle begins with knowing the Father. Yes, God our Father wants us to know Him, and the Lord Jesus could say, “He that hath seen Me hath seen the Father” (John 14:99Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us the Father? (John 14:9)). What an example! Let us apply it to ourselves as fathers. Do our children really know us? A wise father will see to it, from the very beginning of his children’s lives, that they know him. If we fail in this intimacy with our children, we are off to a wrong start. I believe there are many children who do not really know their fathers as they should.
Fellowship
The next thing is that God our Father desires to have fellowship with us as His children. “Truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ” (1 John 1:33That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ. (1 John 1:3)). He wants to share His thoughts with us, and we ought to share our thoughts with our children. They must learn first the knowledge of Christ as Savior, but as they grow older, we ought to share with them all our interests in life. If we do not, then they will seek their interests and happiness elsewhere, outside of the home.
Joy
Going on, we read, “These things write we unto you, that your joy may be full” (1 John 1:44And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full. (1 John 1:4)). God our Father wants our joy to be full, and our children ought to know that we seek their true joy and happiness in life. Even our discipline should have this end in view. Anything that would be for their ultimate good and add to their true happiness we should try to give them, providing it would not be inconsistent with God’s character. Sometimes, as fathers, we may take everything away from our children and give nothing in return. Let us see to it, if we must take something from them for God’s glory, that we assure them it is for their own good and blessing. Let us try to make it up to them in other ways. Home ought to be a happy place to them — the happiest spot of their childhood.
What instruction this is for us as fathers—first, that our children should know us; second, that they should enter into our thoughts; and third, that they should know we seek their fullest joy and happiness. I believe these three things are of all importance if we would make a right start with our families. Love is the mainspring, and nothing will be right if it is not. All obedience for the Christian is founded upon love. The Lord Jesus said, “If ye love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:1515If ye love me, keep my commandments. (John 14:15)). And all true obedience in the Christian home, on the part of the children, should be founded upon love too.
Light
We now come to God our Father’s character as light. “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth” (1 John 1:5-65This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: (1 John 1:5‑6)). God our Father wants us to know His character of holiness, for we cannot have fellowship with Him in any other way. This is most important with our own children too. After they have learned the first three things we have mentioned (and they can learn them very young), then they must learn that there is a certain character suited to our homes, as Christian homes. Sin and happiness cannot go on together in our lives, nor can they go on together in our homes. The godly character of our homes should be carefully maintained. Many Christian parents have reaped in sorrow, having allowed things that are contrary to the Word of God in their homes. God our Father never lowers the standard for His family. May He help us to guard this in our homes!
Reality
This brings us to the next point: God wants reality. He says that pretending to be what one is not is really lying, and that those who walk in darkness cannot have fellowship with Him. Some parents will say that if we make the standard of godliness too high, then our children will do the forbidden things secretly. If our children really know our hearts, they will want our fellowship above everything else. They will feel that they just cannot pretend to be what they are not, in our presence. And so here, although the light of God our Father’s presence manifests sin, yet we can be in His presence, hiding nothing. Why? Because His perfect love has found a way: “The blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin” (1 John 1:77But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. (1 John 1:7)). What confidence this gives!
Forgiveness
After this, provision is made for our failure as children of God. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:99If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)). And so in our homes, where light and love have their right place, all is brought out and then dealt with in light and love. When our children acknowledge that they have done wrong, then we are to forgive them, as God our Father forgives us. Forgiveness is in our hearts all the time, but governmentally we cannot show it until they confess their sin.
This, then, is the second group of three important things in connection with the family of God which one would like to apply as a pattern for the Christian home. We have noticed the first three previously. They are: knowing the Father, having fellowship with the Father, and knowing that God our Father seeks our fullest joy. The second group of three is: knowing the holy character of God our Father, knowing that we must be real and hide nothing, and then knowing that full provision has been made for our failure, forgiveness being shown when we acknowledge it. This makes six points, and the Lord Jesus Christ is the center and completion of it all. Just as with the seven-branched candlestick in the tabernacle (Ex. 25:3232And six branches shall come out of the sides of it; three branches of the candlestick out of the one side, and three branches of the candlestick out of the other side: (Exodus 25:32)), there was one in the center and three branches on either side. So it is here; Christ is the center. He must have the preeminence. He is the “all in all” of Christianity, and unless He is the center of all our home training, it will break down, sooner or later.
Mothers
Perhaps the mothers will bear with a few words also at this time. You are interested, as much as or more than your husband, in God’s pattern for home life, for the home is your particular sphere. You are the guide in it (1 Tim. 5:1414I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. (1 Timothy 5:14)). And how important is the plan God has given us, not for a house of material things, but for a home characterized by light and love! It is the character of the home that makes it what it really is.
And you, dear Christian mother, can be your husband’s true helpmeet in building this home of light and love, or you can pluck it down. You can encourage and uphold him in his love and correction of the children, or you can oppose and hinder him. This is very important. You wield a tremendous influence in the home, in many ways far greater than your husband’s. You are with the children more than he is, and they look to you. You can do more than he to make or break the home.
Your Important Place
“Cease ... to hear the instruction that causeth thee to err from the words of knowledge” (Prov. 19:2727Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge. (Proverbs 19:27)). Do not listen to the advice of the world, nor even to that of some Christians who may reject “the counsel of God against themselves” (Luke 7:3030But the Pharisees and lawyers rejected the counsel of God against themselves, being not baptized of him. (Luke 7:30)) because it condemns them. It is your wisdom to seek grace to fulfill the place of a helpmeet (not of the head) which God has given you in the home. It is a wonderful place. Even if your husband should fail in fulfilling his place as head, ask the Lord for grace to fulfill yours. His failure does not change your place or responsibility, nor does it change his. He needs your help and prayers. Alas, we all fail as husbands, but fault finding and blaming one another will not straighten matters out, nor help to build up the home, but it will surely help to “pluck it down.” How much we need the grace and strength which comes from above, especially when difficulties arise, but let us not depart from the divine pattern. There may be some who read these lines who have unbelieving husbands, and surely the Lord will give you grace in these things, if you look to Him, that, as Peter says, “if any obey not the Word, they also may without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives” (1 Peter 3:11Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (1 Peter 3:1)).
Prove the Blessing
Ponder these things well, dear Christian mother, and may God bless you and your dear children. By acting upon God’s Word, you can prove the blessedness of walking in His ways, and your husband and children will say of you what is said of the wife and mother described in Proverbs 31:28-2928Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. (Proverbs 31:28‑29): “Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.”
May this be said of you, not only while the children are small, but above all as they grow older, for the more they love the Lord, the more they will love you! Your work will then be rewarded even here, and the latter years of life will be happy ones for you and your husband, should the Lord leave us here a little longer.
G. H. Hayhoe (adapted)