As I ponder over God’s grace and love to me a poor lost sinner, without God, without hope, far, far from my Father’s home and love; when I think of His patience and perseverance in bringing my wayward feet where there was "bread enough and to spare," I can but exclaim with wonder and surprise,
"Mercy from first to last!”
And as with the Lord’s help I will try to give an account of His ways with me, I pray the Lord may use it to some dear unsaved soul, in whose ear the voice of the tender Shepherd has been heard in different ways.
When a child I was taught by my mother the way of salvation: "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved." Though this truth did not then reach my heart, I seemingly received it, and for a time was happy. However as I grew older, temptations came, the world appeared very beautiful before my eyes, and ere long, "the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life" filled my heart completely and shut out almost all serious thought. A few years later, a brother of mine was brought to see the truth as it is in Jesus; he was very happy, resting in the finished work of Christ, "who was delivered for our offenses, and was raised again for our justification," and rejoicing in the hope of His coming again. This had a very strong impression on my mind, but I loved the world and could not let it go. Soon after other members of the family were brought into the same glorious deliverance of sins forever put away by the sacrifice of Himself: An absent brother came home with this joy too, and as I often heard them speak together of the one subject engrossing their hearts, and of the Lord's soon expected return for His saints, my heart would sink as I thought, If the Lord comes to-night, I will be left behind! Oh how the voice of the tender Shepherd besought me to come in while yet it was time. But my heart was becoming hardened, and in these moments of realized danger I tried to calm my troubled soul by thinking I had yet a long time before I would have to appear before my God. I had made plans in the world and was determined to fulfill them.
By Christian parents I was much restrained from outward worldliness, but I believe my heart was as much bound up in it as anyone's could be. A few months passed on in this way. The Lord was pressing and pleading with me to be "reconciled to God," and flee from the wrath to come.
Once when reading my Bible my eyes fell upon this passage, "For God SO LOVED the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)). For several days these words sounded in my ears: they were so tender! they would have reached my soul. But oh the hardness of my heart I tried to forget them, for they troubled me.
Shortly after this I had another opportunity of seeing God’s love and mercy manifested toward me. I was riding alone one afternoon, when my horse tripped and fell, throwing me some distance in the road; in a moment's time, and before I had scarcely reached the ground, I uttered a silent prayer: "Lord, spare me this once and I will turn to Thee." And He did even more than I had asked, for I was not at all hurt. However, when out of danger my promise to God was soon forgotten, and after a few vain efforts to "give up" some things for Him, I found myself sunk deeper than ever in sin, and farther still from God than before.
About this time a message enclosed in a letter from my brother to my mother awoke me again from my soul's dangerous sleep. Oh what untiring love the Lord manifests toward poor rebellious sinners! The good Shepherd could not rest while His sheep was in such danger, so His voice called again. My mother read me the following sentence from my brother’s letter: "How long will dear—linger between Christ and the world? It is a dangerous risk." I cannot say how much these words troubled me. I had never thought of it in this light before. I had never thought I was really choosing the world and refusing Christ. For a while my selfish heart weighed the two. The world was very tempting, the wrath to come was dreadful. A life spent for Christ was (as I thought) monotonous, but I well knew the happy end of such a life. I wanted both the world and heaven. But the Lord had already spoken twice and I heeded it not, now He was to speak again a third time.
The next afternoon my sister (who had been converted for some time) was taking a walk with me. We were both silent for some time. After a while I turned to ask her a question, but received no answer. I turned on all sides to find her, but she was not there. As a flash of lightning the thought came to me, The Lord has come, He has taken her away and I am left behind! The agony and despair of that moment (and it seemed like hours) I cannot describe. In a moment my sins, my broken promises to God, my rejection of Christ and of His constant pleadings, my choosing the world and its (now) empty glory appeared before me in their true light. It was not a dream, but an awful reality. A great heavy load weighed me down, it was the heavy load of my own sins resting on my own head. It was the anguish of a soul who knows it is Forever TOO LATE! My mouth was stopped, I had no excuse. A few minutes before the Lord was pressing salvation upon me. I did not want it then, and now—now it was too late forever. Oh! for ONE more chance! Oh! to have recalled one hour! but no—TOO LATE! In my distress I cried aloud! At that moment my sister rose from the tall grass in which she had playfully hid. Oh what a deliverance! saved from such a dreadful fate! Now I had still one more chance of being saved. My sister asked me why I was so frightened, and, dreadful to say, I told her I thought she had gone to the house and left me! But this time the Lord had spoken to my soul in a way I could never forget, and, from that night to the same of the following week I had no rest anywhere. I tried to fit myself to receive Him. I prayed, mourned for my sins, confessed often and much to God; in one word, I tried "to climb some other way." I was afraid to leave for a moment those of the family whom I knew were the Lord's, fearing He would take them away. I was afraid to die, and to have to appear before an offended, and as I thought, angry God.
I remained in this state for a week; night came and I went to bed, but I could not sleep—how could I sleep when my eyes were opened to my danger? My constant cry was, "Be merciful to me a sinner!" It was in the middle of the night the Lord revealed Himself to my soul. He spoke to me by this passage, "And HAVING MADE PEACE through the blood of His cross." Then and there I saw my peace WAS MADE—all I had to do was to believe it; I saw the finished work of Christ for me. I believed and I was saved, SAVED, SAVED. Love and gratitude filled my soul, and I longed to see Him who had loved me with so great a love.
Dear unsaved reader, does not this story of God's love to a poor rebellious sinner reach your soul? Sinner, Jesus loves you: He gave Himself for you. God loves you: He gave the Son of His bosom, His best gift, the joy of His heart for you. The Holy Ghost is trying to win your soul by showing you the love of God in the sacrifice of His Son. The Godhead for you, then who can be against you? Oh listen to His voice while He yet speaks. Let go yourself, your "righteousness" as well as your sinfulness, and launch out into that ocean of love where the Savior awaits you with open arms. "There is joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth." The Father's household must rejoice when the poor prodigal has returned home. Oh "the exceeding riches" of God's grace and love shall be the song of all those who have tasted of that love!
“When Thy blood-bought Church, Lord Jesus,
Is complete,
And each soul is safely landed
At Thy feet, What a story! in the glory
She'll repeat!”
L.