As we considered the content of this issue one evening, my wife and I discussed those whom we had known in our lifetime as real spiritual fathers. It was interesting whose names came up! Very often they were not noted for having any outstanding spiritual gift, nor a winning personality in the natural sense. But there were certain characteristics that were common to all of them.
First of all, it became clear to us that being a spiritual father was not a spiritual gift, as we might think of a teacher, evangelist or pastor. Certainly a father might well possess one of these gifts, for to be a father and have a gift are not mutually exclusive. But it is clear that what qualifies someone as a father is independent of gift. This is especially true in the gift of a pastor, for we might well think that a pastor would make a good spiritual father. But there is a difference. A pastor might be of any age, young or old, and he has the ability to relate to people, their difficulties, and their problems. He can sense their feelings and their pain, and he knows just how to listen, to comfort, and to apply the Word to the situation. A spiritual father does indeed at times do this, but he is more. He has walked with the Lord and thus, to use the words of Scripture, has “known Him that is from the beginning” (1 John 2:1313And the Jews' passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem, (John 2:13)). As such, his character and walk have been formed by His Master, whom he seeks to imitate, and he does more by his walk than by his words. He commands respect and confidence more by what he is than by what he says.
Does Not Pretend
He is a person who does not pretend to be what he is not. While being a pretender has always been a fault of man in his pride, the day in which we live is witnessing an epidemic of pretenders. But those who observe the walk of pretenders can also detect the sin, and it erodes any confidence that they might otherwise have in them. A father avoids all this and goes on with the Lord, whom He has come to know and whose company He values. Doubtless he may, at times, make a mistake, for what believer can say that he never fails? But as another has aptly remarked, “An upright person is not one who never makes a mistake, but rather one who does not pretend to be what he is not.” Failure that is admitted and dealt with is not a sign of weakness, but rather of strength, and the admission of failure rather strengthens confidence in an individual, instead of eroding it.
Faithful
A father is also faithful, as well as being a good listener and counselor, and he is not afraid to confront and rebuke, if necessary. In the day in which we live, rampant pride and self-justification have made it difficult to point out wrong thinking and unsuitable behavior. But we read in Proverbs 9:88Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. (Proverbs 9:8), “Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.” Unhappily, there are not many wise today, who welcome correction in their lives, but a father will not hesitate to correct, in spite of this. It is easy to pass over that which is unbecoming, in order not to offend, but a true father will be faithful, whatever may be the attitude of the one in need of it. Sad to say, sometimes he may have to do it “with grief” (Heb. 13:1717Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. (Hebrews 13:17)), but his walk is before the Lord, not before men.
Balanced
Also, a true father is balanced in his outlook. He has seen the importance of keeping the truth of God in proper equilibrium, for often error in spiritual things is simply truth that has been forced out of its right relationship to other truth. Only communion with the Lord and subjection to the Spirit of God can do this, and a father is characterized by this. In this way he differs from a teacher, for while a teacher may present the truth of God in an organized and right way, the father speaks from experience and a knowledge of the One who is the truth. Scripture recognizes the difference between wisdom and knowledge, and a gift for each one (1 Cor. 12:8). But the father has wisdom, not so much from gift (although gift may be there), but rather from a walk with the Lord and having proved the Word by applying it in his own life.
Mothers
Finally, we might mention that while Scripture refers to fathers as having “known Him that is from the beginning,” it does not exclude mothers from the same privilege and influence. In the same chapter, we read of “young men” who are addressed as being “strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one” (1 John 2:1414And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: (John 2:14)). Surely this can also apply to young women, who can also have the Word of God abiding in them and can thus overcome the devil. So also, we would suggest, there can be spiritual mothers whose main characteristic is having “known Him that is from the beginning.” There is no higher qualification, for while gift is desirable, one can have gift without real godliness. But the wisdom and godliness that come from a walk with the Lord transcend gift.
W. J. Prost