Once upon a time there was a young man who became aware of a loneliness in his heart, and a growing desire to have a lovely wife of his own. There seemed no one “just right” for him. Then one day, a ray of hope dawned in his solitary heart — a woman, lovely and sweet. There was something about her that drew him. He came to the realization that out of all the young ladies in the world, she alone was to be his. Over the course of time his wooing won her heart, and she became his own cherished bride. He had his princess! He was the happiest man on earth! Now, with his conquest won, he valiantly faced his role as provider, throwing himself into what he had to do to take care of her needs and comforts ... .
And she began to think, What happened? I used to be the object of his heart, and now it is his work. As time passed, different disappointments arose. Preconceived expectations were not met. As he labored on, resentment grew, and with it a wedge between them. Soon both of their perspectives began to change. She no longer saw him as her prince, and she didn’t feel like his princess any more. How could such a beautiful hope turn into this uncharming reality? Resentment grew to animosity, the loneliness returned, and pain ... .
Have you heard this story before? How can the hopes and dreams of the wedding day become a prison of pain? Is there any way out? Any hope?
We all know that there is not a perfect man alive on earth, but neither is there a perfect woman! Let’s look at our role as women in this story.
I’m sure if we saw in ourselves what others saw in us at times, we would be quite embarrassed. Whatever we practice (either good or bad), we become both better at and more comfortable with. It becomes a normal part of our lives, so we no longer cringe at things which at one time would have embarrassed us.
Let me share with you a burden on my heart. I have seen my sisters in Christ treat their husbands in surprising ways. I have heard women who (only a couple of hours after sitting in the Lord’s presence!) talked to their husbands as if they were naughty little boys. I have heard my sisters publicly shaming their husbands. I have seen a wife embarrass her husband in front of others, and when tears welled up in his eyes, she called attention to that as well. I have heard mothers run down the father in front of their children. I have heard frequent ridicule of “his” family and their traits in front of him. After correcting and putting down her husband, I have heard more than one woman complain that her husband never shares his heart with her, that he has shut her out. Sisters, what are we doing? Do we steal from them their place of leadership? Do we put down the ways that they are different from us as wrong? Do we belittle them or their family in front of others? Do we spend what they have labored for and then complain that there is still not enough? Do we strip them of all self-respect? Do we disdain them? Is this what he gets from the princess he chose? Let me ask you, my sisters, do you love the heart of your man? There is nothing that affects the heart of a man like his woman! Hidden underneath that tough exterior, most of our men have extremely sensitive hearts. In time they learn to protect it with a calloused shield if they have to, and then we complain that they aren’t the Prince Charming we married.
No wonder we read, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Col. 3:1919Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. (Colossians 3:19)). I have seen husbands who have every right to be bitter but are nevertheless striving to obey this verse as they continue to be hurt by their wives.
My sisters, let’s stop dishonoring Christ with our disobedience to Him in the way we treat the man that He has given to us to provide, care for, and protect us. This means our attitude needs to be right all the way to the core of our hearts where no one but Jesus sees. What are our attitudes — the aroma of our hearts? What do our words, actions, the tone of our voices, and our “body language” say, not only to our husbands, but to all around us about what the Church is to Christ? “Reverence” in this verse has been explained as follows: “she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and ... she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly” (adapted from Webster). Is this what you are doing for your husband? God provides even for this need. If we don’t feel willing or able to reverence, God can work in us to change us. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Phil. 2:1313For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13)). While you seek to reverence your husband, do it as though you were doing it “unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:2222Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)). John the Baptist said of the Lord Jesus, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:3030He must increase, but I must decrease. (John 3:30)). Perhaps this would be a wise motto for us wives in connection with our own husbands.
It is time to repent and to start, with the Lord’s help, to obey God by honoring our husbands. And as you do so, with the Lord’s help, you will begin to see something amazing happen before your eyes! The sparkle will return to his eyes, a spring to his step, and your Prince Charming will emerge again from what you, for the last little while, had mistakenly considered a toad!