WE weighing advisedly, and by due consideration heere of late, the glorious and goodly beauty of a Christian life, as it is commended and set forth in the word of God, bow full of heavenly comfort it is said to be unto all such as make it their treasure, and how amiable, and how fruitfull also it is (in whomsoever it be) unto others which truely know the price and excellency of it, and we so dimly and daddy beholding the image of this in our selves, who yet had hope, and that not small, that we had a part therein: wee saw just cause why we should confesse, that we had been much wanting heerin, and that the patterne of our life was farre unlike this rule, when we compared the one with the other, and therefore complained with bitternesse, that we had fallen into a deepe slumber, being rather readie to thinke our selves in safety, then carefully looking to those testimonies in our selves, which might indeed assure us of it. Whereupon we fell into an heavy and bitter complaint in this manner, with plentie of tearer: Oh, we see now, that we have not walked with the Lord, as by diligent marking the examples of other deare servants of his, we have found that they have done: nor honored our God in the course of our life, according to the mercifull occasions and incouragements which he hath given us. The fervent care and earnest zeale which we see required in the people of God, hath Beene much wanting and cold, in respect of that which we might well have attained unto. And as wee see now more cleerely, that our blockish and unprofitable life was not glorious to God, nor beseeming us, who should have stood forth among the rest of Gods people to give light unto others: so we did many times feare it before, and thinke, that whatsoever unprofitableness and coldnesse is to be seene in many other weake Christians who behold and live with us, it might rightly be imputed to us, from whom and such other, they commonly take example and direction. This and the like we complained of, and lest we should seeme to make it a matter of course, and to show no manifest cause hereof, we considered and called to minde such proofe of the same, as our woful experience yeelded and afforded, in such sort as followeth.
That this complaint therfore may justly be made, we said each to other, it appeareth in all those duties pertaining either to God or man, our selves or other. For in all, we have failed manifoldly, whereas yet by mean or indifferent heed-taking in great part wee might have done better. Concerning God, wee have not purchased such glorie to his name, and showed fourth his looving kindnesse to the sons of men, as wee ought and might have done; neither glorified his Gospell, as, if it should have been taken from us, we would have promised to doe. Further, it may appeare hereby; that we see we have not profited. in the knowledge of the will of God answerably to our time, and to the helper which wee have enjoyed for that purpose. For many of us are as yet but weakly settled in the chiefe points of Christian religion, much lease are we fit hearers, with readie mindes to put in use any doctrine which shall be necessarily, soundly and faithfully delivered unto us. Nay, we must needs confesse to our shame, that the meanes to come by knowledge, have been very negligently used of us: as, seldome reading, and in hearing, not usually preparing our hearts before we came, with casting off the sinnes which might hinder us, and comming with meeknesse; neither in hearing, have been diligently attending and hearkening to the voyce of God, neither after our hearing have usually meditated or communed with other of that which we have heard. So that this hath not been our delight, but with much unreverence (for so holie and heavenly a service) gone a bout. Moreover, wee have not so tamed our corrupt nature, and so set our selves against the same in many particulars, so as we have prevailed over it in our temptations: (for we have thought it too tedious and irkesome for us:) but we have favored exceedingly, and given too much libertie to our selves in our sinnes; not ready to mislik and withstand the same, as either some of us sometime have done, or as wee have seene other of Gods servants to have done, as Joseph (Gen. 39) did in one time; Moses (Heb. 2:24) in another. Yet the meanes which we use sometimes to obtain grace, if they were continued, would bring to pass some effects this, way not to be complained of; therefore seeing wee thus faile herein, we must needes complaine bitterly. And what is like to bee a greater hinderer of true godlinesse in us, then this tender bearing with our selves in our sins, as being hardly brought to offer any violence unto them: when yet we know, that the smallest even of bur evil lusts, doe fight against our souls, are ranke poyson unto us, and have need to be driven out with most strong medicines?
And as concerning the danger of favoring ourselves in our sins, though secret and smaller then many sinnes seeme, these fearfull effects have followed, that having winked at the smaler, we have rushed and beene plunged into greater: and not chasing away light and wandring desires, we have fallen into deeper and more dangerous delighting in them, which having once taken hold of us, could not with ten times so much aloe be removed; yea, by this sleight striving against some, we have been sometime overcome of them and other. Some have taken great hurt by worldlinesse, decaying as fast in grace and goodnesse, as they have gone on with too much intemperancy and excesse in that deceivablenesse: some have growne into great coldness, and in apparent security have not espied their state once to lie changed; but have kept a kind of perswasion, that they have beene in as good case for al this, as ever they were when greatest care was in them: some have beene ready with conceitednesse and froward judging to breake off their course of Christian walking sometime, and their fellowship and communion with their brethren. Oftentimes such an acquaintance hath growne by this favoring of our selves in some one, with falling into many, yea and those very perillous, (as strangnesse betwixt neighbors, hollownes, untrustiness, jarrings, a growing after the common sort, slow growing on in, that which was our profession, with many other such annoyances) that it might well bee said, that fearefull effects have followed this bearing with our selves, even in us who have been thought to be of the forwarder sort. Now when these and such like unsavory fruits have come from us, and that we have in such like manner (as hath been said) walked in the world, what hath beene our estate and condition, but that which might well enough beseeme such as have in no carefull sort bin professors of religion.
Our comfort hath beene flattery, and deceiving of our selves; our fervency and zeale, which ought still to have increased, hath been benummed and turned into senselesse blockishness: our company unprofitable, if not hurtfull and dangerous; and when we have in any manner looked into our selves; wound of conscience and terror hath bin found within us, shame and reproch hath been without; or (which is worse then both) hardnesse of heart for the time, hath overgrowne us. As for the Lord, neither could we, neither durst we have our recourse unto him, and from any besides him, we knew no sound comfort could be attained. To forget this our misery, was impossible; and to be still thinking of it, intollerable: and so betwixt the one and the other, we could not be (when we were at the best in such estate,) but most uncomfortable. But yet we living (through God's goodnesse) under the ministry of the word, could not be so forgetfull of that which had been in us, nor so blockish in remembring and considering of that which had beene taught us, neither all religion so utterly extinguished in us, but that the sparkes of zeale which were in us, must needes be kindled one time or other; by meanes whereof, wee were informed to see a marvelous decay of godlinesse, and a change from that which hath beene in us; and thereby were driven into exceding heavinesse, to behold from what we had fable, and yet utterly unable to recover our selves again for the time. If some time by more earnest stirring up our selves wee could obtaine this of our selves, to humble our hearts before God by prayer, confession of our sinne, &c. (which yet in such a case we were brought to very hardly, when we had greatest need:) yet wee may behold here what a bitter fruit wee reaped (and that also long continuing with us) of our forenamed libertie seeking, and forgiving the beginning of sinne such entertainment within us.
Another proofe, that this our complaint is just (wee said) is, that we have not so grown in grace and in the fruits of godlinesse, that we have been hereby amiable in the eyes of God and of his good servants, neither have wee taken up our delight in laboring after them as for example. In our afflictions and trials wee have not felt our selves contented, that the Lord should exercise us as it hath beene seen good to him: wee have not overcome impatience in them, much lease rejoyced in bearing them. Wee have not taken occasion by Gods blessings, of libertie, peace, health, fellowship one with another, prosperitie, and such like to be more fruitfull and cheerfull in doing all good duties, as occasion hath beene offered: lowlinesse, meekenesse, kind-heartednesse, faithfullnesse to men, sinceritie to God in the good things which we have done, have oft and much beene wanting; very spary and niggardly in prayer, meditation, triall of our selves, and laboring to know sinne better, and confessing against our selves, that which we know, soone weary of wel-doing, yet sometime not grieved at it; but unwearied in things needlesse, if wee should have given place thereto. Wee so hardly and sleightly saw the necessitie of practicing many duties and precepts, which by doctrine are commended unto us, that we rested in that which hath beene, and coldly rose up to any new or further proceeding. Our crucifying of our selves to the world, that wee might bee content to be despised and of little account in it: or our crucifying of the world unto our selves, that it might not bleare our eyes with the vanitie and deceiveable inticements and baits of it, hath beene very faintly gone about of us: our experience in marking the course of Gods dealings toward us, in comforting us after wel-doing, in letting us feele that hundred fold for the forsaking of any part of our will, also in his chastising of us for our securitie or other defaults, alas it is very small. So that neither may it be sufficient for us to encourage others to a godly life upon our own trial, (our growing being so weake,) neither hath our carriage beene such, as ministreth any great wisedome or direction to our selves to hold on in a good course: and yet how frozen and faint our perswading and encouraging of others is, when wee are not well setled our selves; it may bee considered with griefe enough to him that listeth to weigh it. Our little watching of our whole life, that in our solitarinesse wee might commune with the Lord and our owne hearts; in company be fit to doe good or take good, that evill might be farre from us; may justly shame and feare us to thinke of: our little laboring through love (as our callings have permitted) to bee fruitfull and occupied in that which might increase our peace, and uphold our Christian estate, is lamentable. And thus by this, and such other like, it may easily appeare, that seeing we may charge our selves in this wise, wee have good cause to complain, that it is not with us as it ought and might have been.
And from these accusations ariseth another, that we have taken too liberal an use of lawfull things; never suspecting that any hurt or danger can thereby come unto us; as in diet, apparel, sleepe, the use of mariage, dealings in the world and talking thereof: forgetting that which the Holy Ghost hath taught us; that is, that these lawfull things, namely, pleasures and profits, are called snares, and therefore easily able to intangle men and hold them fast; so as it shall be hard for them to rune the race of Christian duty required of them: and that they are said to presse them downe, that by means of them, they cannot with such cheerfulnesse and fruit live unto God. Wherein to bee directed, they may serve us for a rule, that as every one of us can see what is sufficient, so wee bestow no more time about the world then wee needes must, neither in talke nor other dealings, fearing withall, lest we should be carried to love it too much: wherein the more that every man laboreth to overcome himselfe, that his cheerfulnesse in good duties may not be hindred, so much the more hee shall have to rejoyce, that hee hath Beene content to abridge his owne delight for better things.
Another proofe of this our complaint, is; that wee have had little feeling of the wants and miseries of others. To see how many thousands walke ignorantly, other many, in securitie, hypocrisie, superstition, &c., many to have fallen away utterly, after they had received a taste of the Gospel: Oh, who should not be moved at the beholding of it? and pitie them, as much as in him should lie? and not to bee content, that wee our selves should doe well, whiles we see so many in calamitie? But it cannot bee denied, but that their estate, either of the desolate beyond the seas, in many countries, or of the distressed ones amongst us, cloth little touch or come neere us: whereby as our prayers are weake which are made in their behalfe, so are the other fruits of our compassion small and few. For as liberalitie is cold in respect of the abilitie which many have, so few of us are grieved at their evils, or goe about to call backe and reclaime such as we may: wee have not much set our minder on this, how wee might best prevaile with, and draw our kindred, acquaintance, familiars, families, &c., neither of purpose sought to order our wayes so, as we might by our holy conversation winne either these, or strangers to God, neither to strengthen the weake, and helpe forward such as have beene at a staggering. And that which is more, if we have not done any of these, yet wee have done it more hoverly and coldly, whether with our families, or other with whom wee have had to do that way, not in meeknesse, love, compassion, bearing as there hath beene cause with them, or heartily seeking to winne them unto God.
The cause hereof was no one, but yet chiefely our evil hearts, which for all the taste of holy doctrine, and light which we had of the life to come, yet being cleansed and renewed but in part, were evermore in respect of our corruption prone to evil!, and unapt to goodnesse: so that, not only after good meanes using, they carried us to a forgetfulnesse of that good -which was offered us, either in prayer, conference, or the ministery of the word, and to a sensible desire at least of some declining, but even in the time of our enjoying of them, our hearts deceived us, that we could not make (I speake of the most times) any great use or profit of them at all. But that the evil of the heart may the better appeare, and so the cause of our unprofitablenesse the more cleerely be Beene, it shall be good to set down some of the particular corruptions of it, and how easily they comonly breake foorth and show themselves by the smallest occasions. Now the heart is deceitfull, whereby when we are towards or in the way to great danger, yet we are not willing, or not able to see and decline it. It is hardned in great part, so that it is not easily brought to relenting, nor to be touched, and to melt: and so, good meditation and the fruitfullest doctrine doth hardly affect us. Forwardnesse, which disquieteth and distempereth the whole life; peevishnesse, when we cannot abide any word uttered, but it is taken in ill part, and most ranke poyson gushing out against them that displease us, and impatience and unquietnesse under our afflictions and crosses, are in it with much hypocrisie. It is also idle and slothful' in going about duty, yea and untoward in the same. It is fraught with selfe-love, which is, when we favor our selves too much and please our selves in our sinnes, when the smallest provocations thereto should displease us.
Earthly-mindednesse is another streame running from this fountaine, when wee are drawn to the love of the commodities of this world, and are led with a desire of growing rich, which snareth us, and calleth backe our minder from living holily, and causeth such as wisely resist it not, to have their treasure in the earth. In prayer great coldnesse and wearinesse possesseth (as it were) this heart of ours when by any occasion wee have attempted it; anger, malice, and revengement, in degree one exceeding the other, doe easily appeare to have their abode in this heart. Pride, though sometime privy, is one among the rest, which poysoneth our best actions, and soone ariseth when any good hath beene done of us; the repining at the gifts of others, Both many times assault us; and what barrennesse and emptinesse of Gods grace is too commonly found in us, our wofull experience cloth cause us to remember. Uncleane desires (among the rest) are here; an innumerable rabble of other unsavory, dangerous, and carnal thoughts so swarme in us: and temperancy and moderation is so meanly reached unto, that we can hardly be merry without lightnesse; sad without unfruitful dumpishnesse, beleeving God without presuming, or feare him without some doubtings and inclinings to despairing. These, here set downe, with others many like unto them, having place in our hearts, and long continuance, without any occasion offered doe set themselves aworke in us, but especially by occasions doe fearfully breaks out from us, wee being (if wee could marke it) not long without some one or other of them to provoke us, whatsoever wee goe about. What marvell, though other causes did not goe with them, if by means of these corruptions, we should have our actions blemished, yea poysoned, and our behavior and course of life to be made unholy?
But now, when these shall be let loose in us, when they are not holden in as it were with bit and bridle, when they shall governe us; and not we them; but we become slaves and servants unto them, how can it bee otherwise, but that our lives should give little light unto men and glory to God, and for all our profession of the Gospell and the account that we make of it, yet that the fore-mentioned offenses should be found in us? And this is the second cause why we bring forth no greater fruits of amendment. For when our hearts, which in themselves are too evil, shall wander where they will without Checke, and feede themselves by occasions without controlement, little watching over them, or keeping in of them with diligent care and observing of them, full easily and right Boone is the unsetlednesse and unprofitablenesse, which we complained of, ingendred in us: and so bringeth foorth fruit accordingly, even like unto it selfe, as hath been aside. Now for our owne parts, wee cannot but confesse and remember against our selves, that we have either not known many of these fore-named corruptions, and therefore could not use any violence against them, or if we have Beene them in our selves, yet have wee made light matters of them, dallied with them, and delighted in them; and if time or rather dealings have not brought us into the forgetfulnesse of them, yet with some sudden sighes and weake mislikings, they have been beheld of us; which hath beene no decaying or cutting of of so ranke corruptions, but that they have budded foorth again immediately, and so have sowred our actions with their bitter leaven most dangerously. Wheras, if wee had been jealous over them, if we had first clewed and purged our hearts of them; if we, knowing that the greatest offenses before men, are first nourished in the heart to the provoking of God, and therefore had set our selves against them; we should have scene, that with much comfort to our selves, in sound practice of duty, we should have proceeded in our Christian course, as being hereby at liberty from such bondage to our lusts; according to that which is written; Resist the devil, and he shall flee from you.* And in this estate we have pleased our selves most commonly, because we have sought ease to the flesh, and have Beene loth to take such paines as to abridge and cut off our manifold vain delights and fleshly liberties.
Oh, it hath bin a death to us, when we must be roused out of our luskishnesse, and bee inforced to grant, that such a life as wee lead, hath bin but meere security: and when we must confesse much against our selves, (which hardly we have bin brought unto,) and yet not rest there, till we have also obtained of our selves to cast it up as an unsavory gorge. For when in our decay in grace we have feared secretly, that all hath not been well with us; and yet for all that, because we would feele no smart, it was irksome and tedious to us, to thinke that we must enter into a straighter course: we have lien still in it as long as we could or durst; so truely is it said, That ease is a sweete poyson and slayeth.* We dreamed like the Apostles in their foolishnesse, of an earthly happinesse, that it was the sweetest life of all, to thinke, what riches and treasures we had already, and more hoped to come unto daily; to feede our appetite with thinking on our outward peace, in hoping (though without warrant) that it should be continued: to imagine how we might heere be setled after our hearts desire, though we never perhaps should attain unto it; and not weighing, that although we at any time might, yet how rotten a foundation we had laid in so doing, which could not abide the wind and tempest. This ease it was which would have slaine our soules, and was the cause of our so great loosenesse. An estate of life full of danger, and full of deceit. fulnesse, with which (yet) non have ever so besotted them. selves, (being holden captives of the divell at his pleasure) but they who have escaped the danger of it, have as highly rejoyced; and as from a bottomlesse dungeon, have kept themselves with all care from falling againe into it.
Now we falling into this fond ease, loathed to take such paines in running the race of Christianity, and in laboring to keepe in our selves unto duty. When we had been any time unexercised with crosses and afflictions, it was bitternesse to thinke, that againe we must come under them, (so little did we hope for comfortable or fruitfull use of them,) and when we had been prooved with them, for the most part we were uncomfortable in them. Whereby it appeared, that whatsoever we thought of our selves and of our great profiting, yet that our strength was never great, because wee were found wake in trials. Hitherto it belongeth, that wee were so untoward to the use of any good meanes; I speake not of the loose and negligent using of them, which was a fruit of this untoward, nesse, (for that hath been spoken of before,) but of our great unwillingnesse to breake off our luskish and sottish course of life. As for example: to private prayer utterly unapt, when we should yet have seen much necessity of it, (as being loath to awake our selves out of our spirituall sleep,) and lothiug the painfulnesse of going about it. Against pure doctrin taught in publike meetings we felt sensible rebellings sometimes, as seeing that the loosenes and liberty which we delighted in, must be made odious to us, and our selves, hereby disquieted, we feared, and were in a jealousie of our good brothers company, by reason of an evill conscience, thinking that we must be of one minde with them; and that could not stand with our unsavory liking. And what a slavery is it, that we should bring our selves to such a point, that we must obey our filthy lusts, and become servants to our vile rebellions? What madnesse is it, that wee should deprive our selves of the best thinges, and yet contented to abide so still? And by this it may appeare, how many defaults are like to breake out from our lives, when such dangerous ease and loosenes have their harbor in our hearts.
And yet another cause why so little good hath bin done, we may remember to have been, that we have looked so narrowly to the lives of others, to gather hurt thereby; not remembering that we should follow Christ: of which, some being of the better sort, and others of the common, we have taken exceeding great hurt to them both. For these latter, when we saw how they have many times, continuance in outward peace and prosperity, so that they are merry, and take no thought about providing for the judgment day, neither are withholder from any intemperancie of living; though we become not like unto them, yet as men not so fully perswading our selves of their misery, we began to thinke that it is but vaine for us, to labor greatly after innocencie, and to shine as lights, which (we see) is little regarded. And so we have growne to justifie our owne course of life, as very sufficient, and well likeing to the Lord, yea and besides this, we gathered some rubbish and scurfe from them, by beholding, by dealing, and being so conversant with them. And if of these, some be lease evill then others, and retain some points of honesty, and of better behavior in them; yet what a grosse bewitching of our selves is it, to compare ourselves with those, of whose happinesse we have no perswasion? Now as the lives of this bad sort of men were laid too neere us, and we may see that we were weakened in our course by them: so the lives of the first sort, even right good men, we either little or not at all profited by; or (that which more is) we many times tooke hurt by them.
For as concerning their best actions and most commendable duties, we had them not in reverent admiration, especially if the persons were daily amongst us: but we counted them common things, and meeter for them then for us. Yea, and we thought, that we had some other gifts and parts of our lives comparable to them; so that we could be content to go without those graces, and to lose the benefit of such good examples; which yet for this cause God setteth up as lights amongst us that we might never please our selves in our lives, till we had won this at our owne hands, to frame our selves after their examples, which are most gracious and godly amongst us. And further we thought that even such men have also manifold infirmities in them; though we know them not. But if we did, it was enough to perswade us, that even when many things ought justly to have been removed out of us, yet we were in case good enough, and to be accounted commendable.
And these are the speciall causes, that so much fault may be found in our lives; unto the which briefly these may be added, that we have not bin carefull to be strangers to such companies where we might be easily corrupted, or cooled and discouraged: neither taken occasion to be in good company, or to have made profit of the same when we were in it, but in a common maner spent such times, either in endlesse or needlesse worldly talke, or some other way unprofitably; rather framing our selves to their humors, and to approve of their evill custome, then bethinking ourselves how to stop them by giving better example unto them.
A first cause hath ben, that we have not labored to nourish our delight and joy in the benefit of our redemption often, but diminishing the price of it, as though it were nothing so great and precious as it is of small account and little reckoning in the world, fed upon value and deceiveable pleasures. And so taking part with the world, did also with the world grow unseasoned in grace; whereby, every one after his manner became unprofitable. For when we begin to make a common thing of that assurance of our salvation, (which without comparison is the chiefest and most preoious treasure of all other) and doe not maintain and preserve the preciousnesse of it by all good meaner, we must needs in stead thereof make account of other vain rejoycing, and so the care of godlinesse must needs wax small.
And last of all, we having sometimes felt our selves unfit to be well occupied, have fallen to much idlenesse, and therewith acquainting our selves too far, have (for the time) neither espied it to be a fault, and so resisted it in the beginning, by mislike of the same; neither have betaken our selves to our callings to the hindering and breaking off the same; as being Ministers, to attend to reading; or being private mjen, to labor every man as it hath behooved him. And thus much for the proofe of the justnesse of our complaint, and of the causes thereof.
And now for the