My Dear―, Having told you of my conversion, and the necessity of it, I will now proceed to speak of my present position’ in the sight of God. It was not in a moment that I saw my full security. I knew that life was mine because that God had said, “He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life;” but still the thought would ever and anon come over me, What if I cease to believe? the world is full of trial and temptation; Satan reigns there; what if some device of his upsets my faith, and, after all, I lose the prize I have just received, and be worse off than ever? I lived in fear and trembling, and, though no doubts existed as to my present possession of eternal life, how long this priceless gift might be continued to me was a question.
I could neither solve nor fathom.
I scarcely remember, after this lapse of time, through whom or how the blessed certainty first reached me of eternal security, though I still can call to mind the rest it gave me. It seemed new life to me; my present up to this was bright, my future gloomy; now both present and future were alike undimmed in luster, for I saw that God was for me, and that thus none could prevail against me. The two most mighty hands throughout the universe enclasped me; the two most loving hearts in being beat in kindness towards me, and thus no ill could touch me. Satan might pluck the sheep from out the fold of Judaism, but never from the Shepherd’s or the Father’s hand. (John 10:27-30.) Apart from God, the unseen powers might prevail; and, were it not for Christ’s love, visible adversaries might assert their claims: but invisible things cannot detach the Christian from the love of God, and things that are seen cannot succeed in separating the weakest babe in Christ from His unbounded ceaseless love. (Rom. 8:33-39.) Eternal security was mine, through mercy, as well as the present possession of eternal life. Not that I felt the trials of the way were lessened―far otherwise, for difficulty after difficulty rose unknown before, as if that, how being free from Satan’s bondage, he would try to make my path as rough as possible; but then. I knew it could not last forever, and to depart and be with Christ would be more enjoyable the more the present scene was dark and dismal. How truly had death lost its sting, the grave its victory. To die were gain, because it was to be with Him who loved me and gave Himself for me, and the day of judgment, once a cause of fear when sin was known, now no more brings terror, because I have learned that perfect love that casts out fear and hence have boldness, because I know my standing is as Christ is before His God. (1 John 4:17, 18), It is true that subsequently it was mine to learn that at the judgment seat of Christ each thought, each word, each action, would be tested in His, presence; the history of my life as seen by Him, unfolded there and the works of the flesh exposed, and, in blessed contrast, those of the Spirit recognized and rewarded (Rom. 14:10, 12; 2 Cor. 5:10); but this, so far from reproducing terror, was but found to be an occasion of the deepest joy, for then a glorified body would be mine, and, nothing hindering the action of God’s indwelling Spirit, I should rejoice to learn from Christ Himself the full extent of all the ways of grace from first to last; God’s providential mercies, before I knew the Lord, in keeping me from many a danger, many a snare; and, since I knew Him, His preventing and restoring care, checking the outbursts of my selfish will, and in love recalling the poor heart that might have wandered far away from Him. But neither this, nor the more easily learned truth of “no condemnation,” for a, moment dimmed my sense of calm security, but rather on the contrary filled my heart with a deeper sense of the wondrous mercy that surrounded me.
I think about this time the blessed truth of priesthood dawned upon me; the need of it I long had felt, and surely had experienced its action; but what it was that kept me free, encompassed as I was with weakness, or who the person was that thus was interested in me, I could scarcely have explained to anyone. But when I knew that Christ’s activities were still in exercise towards me, those energies that first had prompted Him to leave His throne, of glory and brave shame and suffering, this was cause for fuller praise than ever, and led up the soul to occupation with the One whose service was as ceaseless as His constant love. One’s daily life bore testimony to how much there was of nature’s weakness still attaching to one; I do not say of sin, for that involves another principle, but how much need of sympathy and intercession there existed, while still the body struggled through the world which yet was groaning beneath the curse that fell on all the first creation. It was true the next was certain, and one knew what it was to be kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation; but still one felt the body compassed with infirmity, and full of weakness, hindering the progress of the soul, whose instincts all were heavenward and holy, and therefore felt the need of another’s supporting strength to carry one through the wilderness. This strength was found in Him whoever liveth to make intercession for us.
His priesthood of a higher and more lasting order than that of Aaron, He exercises a similar office, and with never-wearied hands (compare Ex. 17) maintains His people in God’s presence, sympathizing with them all the while; and He is fitted for this, in that He, while still on earth, passed through the very scenes and circumstances in the midst of which we now require His care and sympathy. What rest ft gave the heart to know that Priestly care never wearied, and that this was the duty of the One whose love was strong as death, and many waters could not quench it. And not alone His intercession, but His service was soon found to be my portion, for, from John 13, I learned that, as He washed His people’s feet while still on earth, He now performs a similar gracious office towards us, only of a higher order. From on high He sees the danger we are in through contact with a world where He is not, and therefore through His word preserves our souls from its contamination, bracing with bands of truth our loins, too prone to weakness, and thus preventing us from falling when the pressure comes; and not only this, but should we, like Peter, have been sleeping when we had best been watching, and like him have failed when trial came, learned that He, as our servant in His patient love, will use His word to pierce our hearts, and eradicate the root of evil whence the failure sprang, and then come in in love, and once more fill our souls with joy in blessed intercourse with Him in whose presence is fullness of joy. But this latter truth brought in the knowledge of His advocacy. He with watchful care had known the coming trouble―Satan’s wiles and our imperfect preparation for it―and in His love had pleaded for us that our faith might fail not, though our feet might slide. An earthly advocate will undertake our case, and may succeed, or the reverse. He is but man after all, and has to do with men, and consequently doubtful are the issues: but Christ is One whose advocacy cannot fail. Our cause that he has undertaken, He will carry through; and though the process is for us most humbling, and the more so in proportion to the extent of failures, still the result is not uncertain, for His righteousness and His propitiation have not altered, though our approaching failure has brought into play His advocacy (1 John 2:1, 2). How sad that such should ever be required, but how much it magnifies the grace of Him who, when we were lost, sent us a Saviour; when we are weak, provides an High Priest; and when we fail, has given an Advocate.
But these were not the only truths that gave me cause for praise. It was true that I had learned my sins were forgiven through that faith that has Jesus as its object, and therefore is the right one (Acts 13:38,39), and because so many texts abounded on the subject, could have no doubt that the worshipper once purged should have no more conscience of sins — that the moment I believed, the sins of my past lifetime were gone, and that eternally. To doubt this, were to doubt the Word of God, and reduce the sacrifice of Christ to the level of a Jewish ordinance. With them each fresh recurring in demanded fresh atonement; with us, the believer is perfected forever as to his conscience in the presence of God (Heb. 10:10-14; Eph. 1:7; 1 John 2:12, &c.) It is true the child may fail, and does, but his sin does not affect his standing; on the contrary, because he is His child, his Heavenly Father deals with him, with chastisement of more or less severity, and leads him to confess his failure, and learn His faithfulness and righteousness in granting him forgiveness.
It is true sins unconfessed may end in the sin unto death, so we do well to judge our hearts, lest the faintest stain of sin remain upon us, and thus involve still closer fatherly dealing, even unto our removal from the scene where we in grace are left to glorify the Father, in the place of Him whose testimony on earth was closed at Calvary. Paul possessed a purged conscience, yet he said, “Herein do I exercise myself to have always a conscience void of offense, both towards God and men” (Acts 24:16). How blessed thus to keep the balance of the truth.
My sins then had ceased to be a trouble to me, for I knew that I was washed forever in the blood of Jesus, white as snow; and now the Holy Ghost had come to dwell in the body fitted for His presence. What a blessed truth was this; for I was fitted for conscious sonship (Rom. 8:15,16), worship (John 4:14), testimony (John 7:38, 39), and many another privilege besides, of which both Romans 8 and many other chapters (Ephesians passim) tell us freely; and now my thought must be in no wise to grieve Him who deigned to dwell within me, and secured me, till the moment he should change my body for a heavenly one (Eph. 4:30; Rom. 8:11). But though this blessed truth entranced my soul, I felt within the springs of evil and the old nature’s tendencies as strong as ever. This produced unhappiness. To do the will of God was my desire, but my untamed heart within prevented this, and I found the more I strove against it, with its evil thoughts and tendencies, the more completely I discovered my helplessness and utter inability to overcome it. The sturdy heart of evil was my foe; I hated it, I strove against it, but I could not free myself; it more than matched me, until at last I ceased my striving, turned from self to God, and then found out that Jesus was not merely my Saviour from my sins, but my Saviour from myself! He bore my sins, it is true; but at the cross my hateful self-died likewise, and I could see my old man crucified with Him (Gal. 1:20; Rom. 6:6-11). What joy was this? The one with whom I had fought was dead for faith; I had died with Christ, and pommel a dead foe I need do no longer, but rather let him lie in peace: then, as alive to God in perfect liberty, press on towards the One whose perfect work had saved me from my sins, as well as from myself. I took my place henceforth on new creation ground in full deliverance, “Alive unto God in Jesus Christ” my Lord; and this truth of death involved results of more importance than I had at first supposed. Dead to sin no doubt I was, and therefore having done with it, henceforth to live to God, but dead to law, I found another consequence, and simply for this reason, it was to men in the flesh the law had been given―the Jews, in days while yet God recognized and tested still the first creation, but now, though long the law had been my master, I through Christ’s death, had passed out of the condition to which the law attached, and before God, was in the flesh no longer, therefore was the Lord’s freeman, henceforth to walk after a higher standard Christ Himself, and thus fulfill the law of Christ (Gal. 2:19; 4:1-17; Rom. 8:4). But then, though true that the law no more directed me, save so far as it was incorporated into the law of Christ, surely (I thought) it was still my righteousness before God, in that Christ had kept it for me. This, too, I found a fallacy; to wear a robe of righteousness, the man must still exist who needs this covering, but my old man had died with Jesus, hence nought remained to cover up or hide ; thus Christ's keeping of the law (though surely blessed in its place) was not my standing in God's presence. But what it was 2 Cor. 5:21, and other not less manifest passages informed me. No longer righteousness so blessedly suitable for earth was mine, but heavenly righteousness, that of God Himself. In perfect consistency with both His nature and His character, so perfect was the work of His Son, He now can bestow on us a standing suited to His glory and our need, and in that righteousness we stand before Him in His Son—righteous because the clai1ns of righteousness were met for ever at the cross. What a blessed place—righteous even in the presence of a righteous God. –Affectionately yours in the Lord,
D. T. G