Talk—Joe Countouris
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OK, so the subject I have on my heart to speak about tonight is marriage.
And this is.
A mixed group of older ones and or married people, young people who aren't married yet. And so there's going to be expectations to those who are already married and myself, expectations that I need every single day. And there's going to be some things here for those who are single, contemplating marriage to consider and think about.
I'm not up here talking about this subject because I've arrived at Concord. I know it all.
Exactly the opposite. Things like fail and every single day are things are going to pick up here this evening, things that we all need.
I hope, too, that if there's somebody here who is not contemplating marriage, that just the subject that we're taking up from the Word of God in regards to Christ in the church will be a benefit to each one of us.
OK, so let's start with Ephesians chapter 5.
In verse 22.
We're reading through this and Dorothy, just a couple weeks ago, this is what prompted me to speak about Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 22. Dead wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives.
Be to their own husbands and everything.
So the first thing we're going to take up is submission.
Submission is something that is very difficult.
In every sphere of life that we find ourselves in, whether we're wise or men.
We find that we're always under submission. Always.
Whether it is in a household, parents, husbands, wives, before the authorities were ultimately before God, we always find ourselves under submission.
This verse talks about a wife's role in being submissive to her husband because the husband is ahead in that relationship.
That doesn't mean that a wife is less intelligent.
It doesn't mean that a wife is less spiritual.
It just simply means that this is the order that God has created.
And it's the order that wiser quality.
Submission doesn't mean that you're to submit to your husband's when it suits you.
When you feel like it, when you're having a good day, when you feel like he's treated you right.
These two things that we're going to take up in this chapter of Submission and Love are mutually exclusive.
There's commands to the wives and there's commands to the husbands. 1 does not depend on the other.
This is God's order. It's God's order for blessing.
This also doesn't mean that you can't have a mind, you can't have an exercise, you can't have thoughts. In the word of God, you should. You're a sister in the Lord.
And you should have personal exercises and thoughts before the Lord Jesus Christ. What this does mean, though, is that in the course of your relationship with your husband.
When a decision has to be made.
On how to move forward, the husband is to make that decision.
And the wife is to cement.
Doesn't mean that she can't offer advice. She should offer advice. It doesn't mean that her advice won't be right many times. It will be right many times. The husband should listen to her like Abraham was told to listen to Sarah.
But what is critical is that if you're a wife and your husband says this is the direction that we need to move in.
Even if you disagree with that direction, you have to submit.
That's God's order. That's his way of blessing.
Submission when you think something is wrong.
Or it is wrong is so difficult?
So difficult.
Girls.
Consideration for you those who are contemplating marriage.
Consider who you are marrying or considering. Consider who you might marry.
What is his character like?
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When the word of God comes to bear upon his conscience.
In regards to anything, how does he respond? How does he act? How does he move?
More than likely that's going to be the same way he acts and moves after you're married as well. And if in presenting the word of God to him he says I don't care, probably that's going to happen after you're married as well and consider having to submit.
In God's order to someone who is careless with the word of God.
Consider it, be careful.
Marriage is forever. It's for the entire tier of your life.
The world wants to portray marriage in fairy tale a movie.
Where Darcy ends up OK.
But marriage?
Always a very fair marriage is hard work, disturbing, and if you're marrying somebody who is careless with the Word of God, you're adding a tremendous amount of stress to your marriage. Be careful about who you married.
Voice.
In thinking about a wife, how does she react to her parents?
When her parents give her instruction.
What is her character?
See ya. What does she act like? Probably that character that she acts towards her parents. Maybe not the first week, maybe not the first month, maybe not the first.
Two months, it's going to come out.
It's going to because that's the reaction to submission.
What about authorities? Maybe she missed submits to her parents, but she could care less about the authorities. Just considering think about it. Don't rush in to marriage.
Consider what these scriptures are saying.
Are in regards to God's order.
And what this possible future husband, wife of yours is going to act like.
OK, let's look at Titus chapter two. Another one for the ladies.
Titus chapter 2 and verse 4.
Speaking Titus, speaking to the older women, what they were supposed to instruct the younger women to do that they admonished the young women to love their husbands, to love their children. Now that word love, I used to struggle with this verse because I always was told that when you read Ephesians, the reason love is presented to the husband is because that's what guys struggle with. And I came to Titus and I said, well, they're given expectations to love.
But it actually means to be attached. It's talking about attachments.
And a wife is instructed here to be attached to their husbands and to be attached to their children. And why would that be? Because being a husband sometimes is difficult work.
You can just ask my wife.
And being a mother sometimes.
Oftentimes, there's a lot of work.
And this world has a whole agenda and a whole program for women to excuse and detach from their husbands and to detach from their children.
That's what this world would actually prefer you to do.
And yet scripture says for you to be attached to your husbands, to be attached to your children.
That's the path of blessing, following what God has. And so I would encourage you.
Wives out there who are already wise, be attached to your husbands.
Be attached to your children.
Alright, let's go back to Ephesians chapter 5. Take up the husbands, Ephesians chapter 5.
Verse 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for her, that he might sanctify and fund her with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present her to Himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing.
But that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives at their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourish it and cherish it, just as the Lord does the Church.
OK, so this love, I'm sure everybody here knows there's different types of love and the word of God. I believe there's four. I'm only familiar with two. One is phileo love, Philadelphia brotherly love. It's a love of affection. That's not this love. This love is agape love. It's a divine love. It's a love that loves when there's nothing in the source that is lovable. It's the love that God loved us with when we were yet sinners.
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It doesn't look at the object and say, OK, I'm waiting for something to love and then I'm going to love it. No, it says you're married, you love her.
There there is no other option.
You love her. Time goes on, you get into an argument, things change, characters change and you say I don't love her anymore.
There's no room for that here. You love her because you're safe. You have a new life, and that's all that new life does. It simply loves.
This is not agape love. It's not based on emotion, it's not based on anything physical, anything mental. It is you love because of the divine love.
This love is a self sacrificing love. It's a love that looks at the good of the other person and says.
I'm going to do what's best for them.
We're so selfish, all of us. But a lot of times us guys, we're so self-centered and selfish. We live our lives to our own end. We have children and sometimes I remember when my children were young and I would.
Come up with some reason why my wife needed to take the baby because she made the change.
Why? That wasn't divine love, that was self-centered love.
This is a love as we read in the first Epistle of John.
That loves indeed. Not in Word. It's easy to say I love you, love you, love you baby, hey love you, blah blah blah.
But saying love doesn't mean that you love.
The Lord Jesus Christ didn't say, didn't just say I love you. He came down and proved it. He gave his life for us. He died on the cross for you and me. That's the divine love that we're talking about. It loves indeed, not just in work.
This doesn't mean you love her when she submitted.
It doesn't mean that you love her when she makes you a sandwich.
This is a love that loves her regardless of how she's acting, because that's what love does.
That's what divine love does. This also doesn't mean that you love her when you can get something out of it, like sex.
It means that you love her regardless of anything that you can get out of it. Because if you're loving her just for that, that's not love. That's self love. I'll do the dishes for you, baby, because I'm hoping later we can have sex. That's love of myself.
That's not divine love.
To the guys, marriages. Marriage is for life. You must, you must love.
Prayerfully consider marriage. Consider who you are marrying. Recognize that this is for the entirety of your life. It is not a game. It's not a Disney movie.
This is serious. This is going to affect your day-to-day walk with the Lord.
Love pursues its object. It pursues things like communication. Communication is something that I I struggle with. Something happens in our relationship and I have a tendency to shut down. That's not love. Communication is the basis for every relationship. Consider a relationship without communication. Do you actually have a relationship If you never talk to the Lord, do you actually have a relationship with Him? If he never talks to you through His word because you never open it up, do you really have a.
And if you don't, talk to your wife.
Do you really have a relationship with her?
Are you willing guys to pursue communication?
Pursue the good and happiness of the, of the, of your wife, of your future wife.
What is your?
What is your motor? Is it yourself? Are you self motivated to to help yourself, to love yourself?
So many times that has been met.
And it is at the expense of my wife, is at the expense of my children, it's at the expense of the relationship. It's not divine love.
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Love pursues forgiveness.
Doesn't hold on to grudges. You're going to be entering into a bond with another person who has the flesh and there's going to be difficulties and difficulties and difficulties. It's part of the marriage relationship. And if you struggle with forgiveness?
Have a very difficult marriage?
You need to be a great and incredible forgiver for that marriage relationship to drive.
Because there's going to be constant things that happen on both sides.
Girls, how does he pursue you? If you are in a relationship right now, or considering it, or one is possibly boarding, think about these things. What's his pursuits as his pursuits himself? Or are they truly love? Agape divine love indeed not in Word.
Let's look back over at the first year.
First Peter, chapter 3.
In verse 7, husbands likewise dwell with them.
As your wives with understanding.
Giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Two things here. One is dwell with them, with understanding.
As guys, we need to pursue.
Understanding our wives and wives oftentimes are like enigmas wrapped in mysteries. They're very difficult to understand and thankfully they change every day.
But that's how God made them and on our part we can't say, well I tried yesterday and today is crazy so I'm done. No love excuse, dwelling with understanding. Where is my wife? Hit up, Where is she this year?
Where is she going to be next year? Where is she at? We as husbands have been placed into the the the relationship at heads in this family and it says you need to dwell with your wife with understanding.
Take time to understand your wife and your wife is going to change and that's OK, But you're going to have to put out the effort and the love that is needed to understand her day by day, week by week. And it's going to change sometimes during the month. It happens. And you're going to have to dwell with her with understanding.
Never an excuse to say I'm done here. I'll see you in a week.
Scripture doesn't present that.
OK, so there's one other thing here. The weaker vessel. This doesn't mean that she's physically weaker. I know some ladies who are stronger than their husbands. Doesn't mean that she's spiritually weaker.
I know many wives that are more have more spiritual understanding our husbands. It simply means that they have been placed into the position in the relationship in regards to God's order that is happening to submit.
Remember that guys, don't abuse that authority. God has given you authority as a husband.
Don't abuse it.
It will not pay you dividends in your relationship with your children, with the assembly. It will just so hardly.
One other thing, First Corinthians 95, I'll just read it. Do we not? Do we have no right to take along a believing wife as do the other apostles?
The brothers of the Lord in secret.
And the thought here is that your wife is first a sister in the Lord.
With personal exercises and thoughts before the Lord. And then she's your wife.
She's a sister wife.
And we need to make sure that we understand that and we don't abuse that authority and we don't trot her under foot and drag her along with everything that we think there may come a time in our relationship where decisions have to be made.
But be careful not to allow your wife to have a relationship with the Lord. As a sister, it is critical to her relationship with the Lord. OK, that's all I have.