It was a school day, and the family was finishing breakfast at the big table. Empty oatmeal dishes sat at each place along with some remnants of hot biscuits and a few scraps of home-cured bacon. Clara had seemed a little nervous and strange. She waited until Mamma had gone to the kitchen for more coffee and looked at Daddy thumbing through his Bible to find his reading place.
“Pop,” Clara began, “you know we have assembly programs every Friday at school. Each room takes a turn to entertain the student body. Well, our turn is coming up, and you don’t care if I help – just with the little play we made, do you?” The words tumbled out quite rapidly and she pulled at her blouse nervously.
Daddy and Mamma had been most strict about allowing participation in or attendance at worldly entertainments. “It’s just school kids, Daddy,” Clara went on, but saw fit to rest her case when Mamma came back. They all knew that Daddy was, in many ways a softer touch than Mamma.
“Oh, I guess it’s all right,” he replied graciously. “Now, girls, are your lunches all made and ready? I’m going to read. Let’s see, we haven’t as much time as I’d like.”
Mary Jane was secretly relieved when readings had to be short. They usually made the old ache return. Soon the cry “Here comes the bus over the hill!” rang out, and helter skelter they were off.
A few days later, pressing business called Mr. Hillman away to a city 75 miles distant. He would be gone overnight too – a real rarity in those days. Robbie, being the only boy, was picked to go along. Mamma announced the news at the supper table. Mary Jane and Ellen spoke in an exact chorus, “Please can I sleep with you when Daddy is gone?” This was considered a really nice treat.
Mamma laughed. “Run get a straw and you can draw. Short piece wins. Here, Jennie, you officiate.”
Mary Jane won. With joy, she skipped around the table. When she thought of it more seriously, she didn’t think she could have stood it all alone in the dark room. That awful loneliness seemed so unbearable with the wind moaning around the eves at night. She even wondered if she might talk it over with Mamma – tell her heartache.
The next evening, chores finished and supper ended, Mamma brought out a paper bag. They were cozy around the fire. Most of the girls were doing homework or reading.
“Gum drops!” Mamma announced. “Daddy left you a little surprise.”
Everyone was happy, but Clara seemed restrained. She usually said something like, “Don’t take them all. Leave some for me. How many pieces do you have, Mary Jane?” She acted like she didn’t even know she was nibbling her candy as she began nervously: “Mamma, Daddy said I could be in our assembly program. Well, we have this little play, and I’m supposed to be an old hobo. So can I use some of Daddy’s old overalls – just for the play?”
“Did Daddy really say you could act in a play?” Mamma looked troubled.
“Yes, I heard him at breakfast the other day,” Mary Jane put in. Clara shot her a look.
“Well, frankly, I don’t like it. If you have to be in it, why didn’t you at least pick a girl’s part?” And the pink color began to rise at the base of Mamma’s neck. She picked up her Bible.
“Now let me get this straight, you want to wear Daddy’s old overalls and be a hobo in front of the class. Is that right?” Assured it was, Mamma then thumbed through her well-worn Bible. By now she was a rosy pink in places. Poor Mamma was really upset. Why did old Clara have to spoil everything!
Mamma cleared her throat. “Clara, and all of you, listen. Deuteronomy 22:55The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God. (Deuteronomy 22:5) reads: ‘The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man... for all that do so, are an abomination unto the Lord thy God.’ Now, that’s Scripture! Young lady, I cannot allow my daughter to do such a thing, nor can I imagine that a Christian girl would even ask to do so. And that is that!” Mamma closed the book. Her chin trembled, but she was adamant.
Clara got up and went to her room. Later, mostly out of curiosity, Mary Jane stopped by her door. It was ajar.
“Well? What’s eating on you?” Clara didn’t seem rude, but combed through her black hair with the unmatching replacement to the comb Mary Jane had broken. She seemed to be before that mirror a lot lately. Clara was rather a handsome girl.
“Why aren’t you still cross at Mamma?”
“Cross? What for? I knew that’s what she’d say,” and Clara was almost smiling. “Mamma is death on wearing pants – any kind.”
“Well, what did you try to pull it over for?”
Clara shrugged. “Might as well try. Daddy is getting softer in his old age. But Mamma – might have got by if Daddy hadn’t been gone. You know, Mary Jane, we never have any fun, hardly. Work, work, work! That’s all we hear! And Ray Robertson –.” Clara glanced in the mirror – “Ray Robertson says that the boys around here just about think Daddy would shoot them if they tried to go with any of us.”
“Aw that’s crazy! He knows better than that. His brother Cecil likes me too. He ‒.”
“Who said anything about anybody liking me, now?” Clara flushed, then gazed out her window. “Anyway, Mary Jane,” and she sounded almost relieved, “at least we always know where Mamma stands – right smack on the Bible – and that’s that! She’s sorta sweet and gentle, but on some things she won’t budge one little old cotton pickin’ inch!”
A half smile flitted to Clara’s mouth and she said after a pause, “I’ll tell you a secret though – no, on second thought, I won’t, You’d blab it to someone sure.” And nothing Mary Jane could say would jar it loose.
Later that evening Mary Jane snuggled close to dear Mamma, warm and cozy in the big iron bed. The Vick’s salve Mother put in her nose at night for the hay fever Mary Jane didn’t mind at all. It went with Mamma’s nighttime image.
“Oh, Mamma, if I could only just hug you so tight, I could just – well sorta ride into heaven along with you!”
Although this was a revealing remark as to her little girl’s state of soul, Mrs. Hillman expressed no shock.
“I understand, Honey. But you know this cannot be, don’t you?”
“Yes – and well – sometimes – er, oh, Mamma, I don’t think I’m really saved! I want so much to be happy like you and Daddy and Jennie and – and –.” heavy sobs shook her little body.
“Now listen, dear. You said you wished you could ride into heaven with me. Well, in a way, that’s what we who are saved will do with the blessed Savior when He comes. He has in a figure bound us up in the same bundle of life with Himself. He bore the strokes of wrath from God for our sins. It was His blessed head bowed, His breast bared instead of ours. In a sense we went into death with Him and were raised up with Him. We get that in Ephesians 2 “But God, who is rich in mercy, for His great love wherewith He loved us, even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ (by grace ye are saved;) and hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” And God sees us in Christ. He is our righteousness before God and we are made the righteousness of God in Him.
“Just ask Him to make you His own. Of course, you must feel a need – as you seem to. Repentance is taking sides with God against yourself. God says your heart is sinful and deceitful ( and you know it), that you are without strength to live without sin, and you indeed are likely to do even the most evil things. Well, you just say to God, ‘It’s all true. I deserve judgment.’ Then look at the blessed Savior. He took that judgment already, if you will just believe on Him. ‘Him that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.’ Haven’t you ever come to Him? He loves you far more than Mamma or Daddy ever could.”
“Well, I will now,” and Mary Jane climbed out of bed. Kneeling down she lifted her eyes to heaven and said: “Lord Jesus, I want to be attached to Thee! Please save me. I know I need my sins washed away!”
It was a step in faith. She knew the Lord heard her and felt something of the load being lifted. Almost immediately, however, her thought turned inward. “Am I as brightly happy as the people I read about in the Sunday school paper? Was I really properly saved?” Somehow, the good solid facts of the doctrine of salvation hadn’t entered too well as yet. Mary Jane was very full of Mary Jane. However, she slept in peace and felt much, much better.
“He that hath begun a good work in you will complete it ‒”
We do not mean to imply that she was imperfectly saved – not at all. Her understanding of salvation in its perfectness and beauty was fogged by occupation with her own feelings. Her faith was placed in the right Person and His work. Mary Jane had read so many, many stories, and she kept comparing her feelings and experiences with these.
Keep your eyes on Him – His work – His love for you, dear young reader, and you will escape many a weary hour of doubt.
Mrs. Hillman praised the Lord for His work in her little daughter’s heart. She knew that Mary Jane was troubled; and oh, how she had prayed for her! She wished that Mary Jane had thanked the Lord for washing her sins away. “I suppose one shouldn’t put words in other people’s mouths,” she thought. “The work must all be His. He will lead her on into all truth, I know. But we must try to make it all as clear as possible.”