WITH no thoughts beyond the round of things seen and temporal, a visit to St. George’s Rectory, Toronto, proved memorable for me. Instead of the usual pleasant hours with the young people of the rector’s family, I was asked to accompany a stranger to some points of interest he wished to see. My companion proved to be a ritualistic clergyman.
Mr. S— inquired as to my confirmation and religious observances. He received curt answers, intended to discourage further questioning. He would not, however, yield to my attempts to change the subject; but, coming to a standstill in a narrow path in which he had taken the lead, he faced me, and solemnly declared: “Young man, you are going to hell—that’s where you are going.” He quickly silenced my angry retort by repeating the same solemn statement, to which he added the mistaken advice that I should “confess my sins to an Anglican priest,” and observe the “seven sacraments,” in order to have a chance of going to heaven. I accompanied him back to the Rectory, but left him at the gate rather uncivilly, scarcely concealing my angry feelings at what he had said.
I have never seen or heard of my clerical companion since, but the Holy Spirit caused his words to pierce through my indifference, and to disturb my soul’s deadly slumber. Awakened to the awful reality of hell, I now cursed the wretched spectre, as I tried to treat it. For weeks I vainly sought to drown all thoughts of coming wrath, and to throw off the constantly recurring words, “You are going to hell—that’s where you are going.” My companion had uttered God’s truth, and my efforts to stifle it and banish its unwelcome voice from my soul proved unavailing, so that a month later my alarm drove me to face the torturing prospect of the hell to which I was indeed going. The alternative of heaven or hell for all eternity was forced upon my thoughts.
Then I was next deceived in seeking a remedy, as thousands of others, by
TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF.
Vainly I sought to bring a clean thing out of an unclean. I became busily occupied in efforts at outward reformation—ordinances scrupulously observed proved Satan’s opiate to deaden my conscience. I began to be quite content with a mere profession. But the searchlight of God’s word exposed this “refuge of lies,” and so drove me from it.
A FURTHER DISCOVERY.
I learned the truth of the words, “Ye have not the love of God in you” (John 5:4242But I know you, that ye have not the love of God in you. (John 5:42)). This charge I could not honestly dispute, for, spite of all the reformation to which I laid claim, I knew well that I only feared God’s righteous judgment, and could not pretend that I really loved Him.
Satan then assailed me with derisive contempt for the hypocrisy of professing any religious sentiment whatever in the face of my own admission that I DID NOT LOVE GOD. I then declared my religious profession “thrown overboard,” and “done with,” and determined to dismiss religious subjects from my mind absolutely and forever.
On the dining table lay a New Testament, which
I had no thought of consulting, but passing near it, I defiantly flipped the book with my finger, so that it opened. My eyes rested on the verse:— “I know that in me (that is in my flesh) dwelleth NO GOOD THING” (Rom. 7:1818For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. (Romans 7:18)). Involuntarily I ejaculated, “Why, love for God is a good thing!” Then glancing back at the book, my eyes met the verses lower down on the same page: “The carnal mind is ENMITY against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh CANNOT please God” (Rom. 8:7, 87Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. 8So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. (Romans 8:7‑8)).
The consciousness of an unseen power at work solemnized me then and there. The verses before me shattered the settled conviction I had long entertained, that “to do right and love God” constituted the way to heaven. The Scriptures declare love for, and obedience to God impossible products of the natural mind, and in my astonishment at statements, so new and surprising to me, I actually turned again to the book to make sure that it was really a New Testament.
With the imperishable WORD or GOD in my hand, I went to my bedroom, fell on my knees, and cried for light as to the momentous matter now wholly engrossing my soul. With expectant earnestness I again turned to the New Testament, and the hand of God surely guided its opening, for the third chapter of the gospel by John was the portion that lay before me. There I learned the imperative necessity of regeneration, declared by the lips of Incarnate Truth. Not the work of man, but a DIVINE CREATION—a new birth, not a reformation of the old.
Sensible that I possessed certainly the old nature, characterized by love of self and self-interests, but devoid of any love for God, the need of being “BORN AGAIN” was clear to me, but its nature and the way to gain it, still remained incomprehensible.
In this consciousness I turned again to the New Testament, God’s blessed revelation, through which already He had spoken somewhat to my soul. Sitting on the bedside, I pondered page after page of the inspired volume, and eagerly read the entire contents of every chapter, from the third of John’s gospel to 1 Peter 1:2323Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever. (1 Peter 1:23). A marvelous light, dispelling the darkness, flooded my soul as I closed the book after reading 1 Peter 1:2323Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever. (1 Peter 1:23)— “Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the Word of God which liveth and abideth for ever.”
My faith there and then reposed upon the Person and work of Christ, and on the sure Word of God. Through it a life new and incorruptible like its Author was begotten in me, and was now consciously known to my delighted soul. I fell down on my knees to thank God for His redeeming love. The NEW LIFE, which I had thus received, filled my soul with love to God, impelling me to adoring, grateful acknowledgments. I rose to leave that room “a new creature” in Christ Jesus (2 Cor. 5:1717Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)).
I can truly say I have no knowledge of ever hearing the truth of the gospel before that ever-to-be remembered day of my conversion. Although reared in an atmosphere and environment of religion, I positively knew nothing of my ruined and lost condition as a sinner, or of the need of being born again. Never having known of anyone confessing to being saved or knowing the present pardon of sins, I really supposed myself to be possessed of a direct revelation from God, unknown perhaps to any other in the world. So that for two whole days, this inestimable boon was of private, unspoken enjoyment.
Working in a busy banking office, my duties precluded time for lunch. But at the noon hour, while engaged writing entries, with my pen in one hand, and holding a sandwich in the other, a much older fellow-employee approached me—one with whom I had practically no previous intercourse, except to utter blasphemies in his hearing, so as to shock a “ranting dissenter,” as I regarded him. Placing his elbows on the .opposite side of the desk, with chin on his hands, he gazed for a few moments squarely into my face, and then said: “ C—, I believe you are saved,” to which I made the heartfelt answer, “Thank God, I am!” Slowly, and with solemn emphasis, he repeated: “If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation” (Rom. 10:9, 109That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. (Romans 10:9‑10)).
Freedom to confess Jesus my Saviour and my Lord, was the emancipation this scripture brought me. Then from the lips of this fellow-believer with whom I first had Christian intercourse, I learned the glorious truth of the blessed Lord’s promise to come a second time—not to suffer, or to die, but to receive to Himself His loved, chosen, and dearly bought people (see 1 Thess. 4:1616For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: (1 Thessalonians 4:16); Phil. 3:2020For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: (Philippians 3:20)).
My cup of bliss then “ran over.” Before evening I visited the cricket-ground, and declared to my companions what the Lord had done for my soul, anticipating that all would immediately listen to my testimony, and accept God’s love-gift, Christ, as their personal Saviour (see John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)). But so deep-seated in the human breast is the sin of unbelief, that I found no one in all that company to share my joy, or even to express the least desire for the happiness I testified of. From the cricket-ground I made my way to a clergyman’s study, and there declared afresh my newfound joy, with the knowledge of peace made by the blood of the Cross (see Col. 1:2020And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. (Colossians 1:20)). But there, I was only to hear the crushing and awful response, that the faith I professed to own was “damnable heresy.” But such was the power and joy of God’s salvation in my soul, that I could protest he might as well tell me the sun never shone, as that light divine had not come into my soul. For, “God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Cor. 4:66For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:6)).
No earthborn cloud has yet for a moment eclipsed that Sun of my soul, the arising of which I have told in this story of my conversion. It has been peace to begin with, grace to go on with, and glory to end with (see Rom. 5:1, 21Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: 2By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. (Romans 5:1‑2)), while I have travelled heavenward toward a joyful eternity for thirty-four years since that eventful day on which I was brought to God.
Give Him the joy of receiving you today, my reader, as He received me that day long ago. You need the living water, and some day indeed you will know it. It is freely offered now (see Rev. 22:1717And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely. (Revelation 22:17)), but may be for ever out of your reach tomorrow. Ask yourself now, Where shall I spend eternity?
“Where shall I spend eternity?
This question comes to you and me.
Tell rue, what shall your answer be?
Where will you spend eternity?
Eternity! Eternity!
Where will you spend eternity?”
E. J. C.