God made Adam head over the creation; then He made a helpmeet for Adam and instituted the relationship of husband and wife. A clear understanding of the order in these two relationships is fundamental for families to live together in happiness. Adam, being made in the image and likeness of God, was placed as head over the lower creation that God made. His relationship with Eve was very different. She was his wife. From a rib in his side, she was uniquely made for him — spirit, soul and body. She was his equal (his likeness), made compatible with him and capable of enjoying and perpetuating life with him. The plain distinctions of these two relationships have been muddled by men who overemphasize one role at the expense of the other. Headship over the creation is distinct from headship in the family. When the role of creational headship is applied to the family, women are treated as if they were of the lower creation. From New Testament teaching, we now know that headship in the home is to be a representation of Christ and His church. This is the pattern to direct the appropriate behavior of husband and wife.
When men give up their role as head in the marital relationship, or when women usurp the role of headship in the marriage, it is a departure from God’s order, resulting in disorder. We hardly need say that these God-ordained roles are perverted in society today. What is accepted or enforced by society as normal lifestyle cannot be the guide for the Christian family. It is far removed from what God instituted and commands. “I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3).
Adam and Eve
Eve was the first to eat of the forbidden fruit, but when Adam partook of it he failed in a far greater way; he failed in his role of headship. He improperly represented God who had made him in His image; he fell into sin and dragged the whole creation down with him. Some have suggested that he did it because of his love for his wife, but love “doth not behave itself unseemly ... rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth” (1 Cor. 13:5-6). True love would not do such a thing. Adam did not need to act in disobedience concerning his role as the head of the creation to show love to Eve as his wife. How often today we confuse these positions! The great contrast is the perfect love of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving His life for His bride, to deliver her from sin and death. As a Man created in God’s image, His perfect obedience unto death glorified God. He gave His life to redeem those that God loved, who were under the sentence of death. “Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life” (Rom. 5:1818Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life. (Romans 5:18)). “Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:2525Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25)). In His role of headship as Man He was obedient unto death, and in His role of relationship with His people He loved them unto death. What perfection!
Adam and Christ
The reader will notice in this issue that many articles refer both to the relationship of Adam and Eve and of Christ and His bride, the church. These two subjects give us the key to ordering the family. They give us the beginning of God’s plan and His purposed end. They make known what role belongs to each family member, why the roles are set as they are and what the end purpose is — a family structured like Christ, who loved the church and gave Himself for it. In the measure that we walk in obedience according to this order, our enjoyment with one another will help us to appreciate the spiritual relationship of the Lord with His bride. God has given us a wonderful and practical way to know Him in the spiritual relationship through the family relationship. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:31-3231For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31‑32)).
The daily exercise of following God’s order in the marriage relationship involves submission and obedience to His Word, and love and respect for one another. All attempts to remedy problems in a marriage that omit any of these four things will fail. Many good self-help and family guidance books have been written, but ultimately there is no substitute for God’s order. Nor is any book, no matter how helpful, on a par with God’s Word. Our God, who created us with so many different personalities, has written the best manual of harmonious and happy living in the family.
Abraham and Sarah
In meditating on the various personal dialogues in the Scriptures between husbands and wives, we see both positive and negative examples of right family roles. For example, in Genesis 12, Abram said to his wife, “Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon: Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive. Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee” (vss. 11-13). Under the pretext of saving their lives he requested that they mutually deny their relationship as husband and wife. He received a lot of goods out of the deal, but what of his representation of God in headship? What of his love for his wife?
Later on, Sarai fails in saying to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai” (Gen. 16:22And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. (Genesis 16:2)). Was this a legitimate way to obtain the promise of God? The intimacy in the role of husband and wife is thrown overboard.
Ruth and Boaz
In contrast to this, it is refreshing to consider the story of Ruth and Boaz. While caring for her mother-in-law Naomi, Ruth gleans in the field of Boaz. She thought to glean with the young men, but Naomi wisely says she should go with the maidens (Ruth 2:21-2221And Ruth the Moabitess said, He said unto me also, Thou shalt keep fast by my young men, until they have ended all my harvest. 22And Naomi said unto Ruth her daughter in law, It is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, that they meet thee not in any other field. (Ruth 2:21‑22)). She obeyed and is eventually directed to appeal to Boaz for marriage to raise up a seed for the family. His response to her when she made the request is, “Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast showed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman” (Ruth 3:10-1110And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast showed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. 11And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman. (Ruth 3:10‑11)). She was submissive and obedient, and Boaz honored her request, performing that act of redemption to save the family from being extinguished. He properly represented the headship role of man and of love to Ruth as wife. He gave witness to what would be done later by his seed (the Lord Jesus).
The preservation of the family order is most important, and it is possible to follow it in our day. We trust these few comments will induce an appetite to meditate more on the subject and even consider other conversations between husbands and wives recorded in Scripture. John the Baptist said, “He that hath the bride is the bridegroom.” The Bridegroom in the last chapter of the Bible says, “Surely I come quickly.” May our hearts with every beat be saying, “Even so, come, Lord Jesus.”
D. C. Buchanan