Those of you who were here last year will remember that we took up the subject of the various dispensations. Naturally, we get some feedback through various channels. In chatting to a sister after the meetings were over (not one of the young people, but someone my own age who isn’t here this year), she made this remark in a joking sort of way, but nevertheless there was a bit of truth to it, “You know, the young people don’t particularly want to hear about the dispensations; they want to hear about love and marriage!” That stuck with me, and my initial reaction was “Sure, who doesn’t!” But you know, it stuck with me in a more serious note all year long. On several occasions during the past year, some rather serious difficulties and problems have come up with young people (and some not so young) because of a lack of understanding of what the Word of God has to say about these things. So I thought maybe this year we would talk about love and marriage.
I want to say at the outset that I feel very weak in launching out on a subject like this. I asked a few especially to pray that we would have the mind of the Lord, because it is a vast subject. In a few talks here this week we are not going to be able to cover it all. Books have been written about these things, but there are some important things that need to be emphasized—especially in the day and age in which we are living. With the Lord’s help, we will try to cover a few things well, rather than a lot of things superficially; and hopefully try and bring before us, above all, the truth and principles of God’s precious Word.
If you go out into the world, and to some extent into Christendom, you can pick up books without end on this subject. I am not saying you should not read them, because you can get help from many different sources on these things—some of them very good, some perhaps not so good. But there is one book that never leads us astray. There is one book that unfailingly gives us right principles—the Word of God.
If you have a piece of machinery and it is not working well, what do you do? Why, you go to the manual that is provided by the manufacturer. You might try and pull things apart if you have a mechanical bent of mind and perhaps figure out what is going on, but sometimes you get bogged down. We have here in our hands, if I may say so reverently, The Manual by The Manufacturer. The Word of God, as it says in Peter, gives us “all things that pertain unto life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:33According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: (2 Peter 1:3)). So let me tell you that the answers to everything in the relationships of love and marriage and in all that goes along with it— home life and family life—are all found in the precious Word of God, and these answers are up to date for 1987.
I’d like to talk this morning about an introduction to these things, and I suppose we might call this talk “An Approach to Life.” Not just to love and marriage, but an approach to life in its entirety for the Christian. It is truth that I do not pretend to have fully learned myself. Perhaps no one here can say that they have. Nevertheless with God’s help let us try and put things in the right perspective before we get into specifics.
In John’s Gospel Chapter 12, beginning with verse 23, we read: “And Jesus answered them, saying, the hour is come, that the Son of man should be glorified. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit” (vss. 23-24).
Now here are the verses I especially had before me: “He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honor” (vss. 25-26)
Now in Luke 18:2828Then Peter said, Lo, we have left all, and followed thee. (Luke 18:28) we find, “Then Peter said, ‘Lo, we have left all, and followed thee.’ And he said unto them, ‘Verily I say unto you, there is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God’s sake, who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting.”
We are not going to try to cover a lot of ground in this talk, but there is a point that I am going to belabor a little because it is so hard to get hold of.
Today we live in a world where man is put up at the front. If you read the secular magazines and the literature of today you will find that this “secular humanism”, as it is called, has taken priority in the thinking of people in this world. Man in himself is being put forward as being the object of life. So you read, for example, that when a prominent movie star in the United States was asked how she managed to be happy, her answer was “a good stiff dose of selfishness.” She said, “I do what I want when I want, and I put myself first.” I read an article in a magazine that asked (and this was particularly a women’s magazine addressed to wives and mothers), “Whom do you put first in your life?” Then it gave the advice, “Put yourself first, your husband next, and your children after that; then start branching out from there to your own immediate family, close friends, etc.” But the important thing was put yourself first, your own needs, your own happiness.
You read advertisements which say (and you see a person enjoying himself or buying something expensive) “This I do for me.” You have seen it, haven’t you? Yet when we turn to the Word of God we find that the wisdom of God is exactly the opposite of man’s wisdom.
As some of us were reminded in our younger days by brother Harry Hayhoe, “The wisdom of God is not an improvement on man’s wisdom, but it is diametrically opposite.” If you look at the world today and see what man has done, then you look at the principles in the Word of God, you’ll find that they are diametrically opposed. Man says, “Put yourself first, and gradually go down from there to the people that are closest to you,” but the Word of God says, “He that loveth his life shall lose it” (John 12:2525He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. (John 12:25)).
It is particularly precious to me to read those verses in the 12th of John. I want you to think of them for a moment in the context in which they occur. I have often sat and meditated as to why the Lord Jesus interjected those two little verses there at that point in His earthly ministry. Here He was, just on the eve of going to the cross, and He was speaking about what was going to happen to Him as the corn of wheat that fell into the ground and died. He talks about Himself and how He was going to have to go to that cross, and then immediately following these words He speaks those awesome words, “Now is my soul troubled” (John 12:2727Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour. (John 12:27)).
We gloss over those verses rather easily, perhaps, but there is a depth in those verses that I cannot plumb: “Now is my soul troubled.” The Creator and sustainer of the universe has to say, “Now is my soul troubled.” Yet what does He put in there? Something for you and for me, addressed to the heart. Something that says, “Here am I, the one who left everything to come down into this world in order to go to Calvary’s cross and to die,” and then He puts in that little word, “He that loveth his life shall lose it, but he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal” (vs. 25).
You say, “Aren’t you straying a little from your subject? What does all this have to do with love and marriage?” Only this, that in today’s world you young people have thoughts and hopes and aspirations, and rightfully so, to a point. God has given us the joys of having a home, having a wife or husband, raising a family, having the enjoyment of these things which are necessarily a part of life down here and which He has given for the enjoyment of man and for the enjoyment of His children. But as Christians, we must keep things in perspective, and what I am trying to bring before you today is that, instead of saying “put yourself first,” and then being concerned for others, the Word of God says to put the Lord Jesus Christ and His things first, others next and then yourself last.
Let me tell you a story that illustrates this. Most of you have heard of Hudson Taylor, a missionary to China in the last century, and much used of the Lord. But what perhaps is not so generally known is that for some time before Hudson Taylor went to China, he had been very much attached to a young woman there in England. I am not sure whether they were engaged, but if not, they were very close to it. They were intending to be married, when he felt the call of the Lord to go to China. But his fiancee did not at all feel called to go to live her life and serve the Lord in that land, and she made it clear that she just was not going to go. What was he going to do? There was an opportunity to go. It wasn’t as easy to get there and back as it is today. He had to go by ship, and it was a long trip. The opportunity to go meant leaving her behind —perhaps never to see her again. You can imagine the turmoil in his soul—his love to the Lord, his wanting to go, his feeling that he was called to go, yet here was the girl he loved and wanted to marry. Well, he looked to the Lord about it and the Lord said, “Go.” He thought, “How am I going to tell her? How can I break the news to her that I want to go to China and that she can’t go?” But when he told her, she simply answered him, “I know what the answer is. I know what the Lord wants you to do. I want you to go and I want you to show everyone that you love the Lord more than you love me.”
Well, he went alone; and you know, the Lord is good. Some time after he arrived in China, he met a woman named Maria who genuinely shared his burden for the people of that land. They were later happily married, and Maria became a real companion in his work for the Lord. Many have felt that she was much more of a help and partner to him than the girl he left behind could ever have been. “Delight thyself also in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psa. 37:44Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalm 37:4))
What I particularly had before me in telling you that story is that love and marriage are earthly relationships that God has given for the enjoyment of his people, but they are only relationships that exist down here. The Christian has a higher calling. Beloved young people, may I remind you that you have a friend that should mean more to you than anyone down here. Sometimes we get so involved in thinking that we need this or that, and then we feel that God is going to give it to us.
I can remember reading a story of a young woman who was talking to an older sister. She confided to the older sister, “I’m going to marry—,” a certain boy she had in mind. “Oh, how do you know that?” ‘Well, I really like him, I’m nuts over him.” “But how do you know that you are going to marry him?” “Well, because the Lord loves me and I know he’s going to give me what makes me happy.” Well, the older sister was wise and said, “How do you know that is what will make you happy?” “Well, because I do. I don’t think I could go through life without him.” “Oh, you couldn’t? And what if it isn’t the Lord’s mind that things should work out that way?” “But they are going to work out. The Lord is going to see that it works out.” Maybe you have heard that kind of talk before. I’ve heard it more than once. Not always from a sister either. I heard a young brother talk the same way.
You know what we need to get hold of—please turn to Romans 8:3232He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? (Romans 8:32). “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?” If there is One in heaven who loved you and me enough to come down into this world and die for us, I say to you (as the apostle Paul said to the Romans), Is it possible that God would not give you that which would bring joy and happiness to your soul?
That brings us to another point, because you know sometimes we see in the lives of the saints of God untold tragedy, untold sadness, difficulties and problems and we say, “What has happened? Why so much sorrow and sadness?” Again I say, the Christian has a higher calling. Sometimes (and the tendency is in all of our hearts) we are wanting to be on the receiving end. We tend to be saying, “Lord, give me, give me, give me, I need that.” How much more blessed to be in the attitude of soul which says, “Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?” And if sometimes things don’t work out in our lives the way we expect it, if the right one doesn’t come along when we expect it, does it mean that the Lord has forgotten us? Sometimes we take that attitude. Does it mean that the Lord doesn’t love us and want us to be happy? No, it simply means that He in his infinite love and infinite wisdom is ordering your life according to His purposes. And is it a happy pathway? Indeed it is!
Who was the happiest man that ever walked through this world? Did you ever stop to think about that? The happiest man that ever walked through this world was the Lord Jesus. How was he the happiest man? Turn to Hebrews 12:22Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2), “Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” What was the joy that was set before him? I used to think that it was the joy of having us with him, but I don’t believe that is the thought. The joy that was set before him (and I can’t emphasize this too strongly) was the joy of doing the Father’s will. There was such supreme joy in His soul in doing the Father’s will, that that blessed One gave up everything else in order to have it. This verse is written as an example for us.
What is the joy that is before you? Is it the joy of having a partner in life? The joy of having a home, a family and all the things that perhaps you look forward to? That is all right. But there is a joy that is higher than that. The joy that was set before Him was to do the Father’s will. That blessed will was that he should come down into this world and give up everything in order to do the Father’s will. That will was what brought you and me into blessing. You know, dear young people, I covet more of that attitude for myself, and I covet it for you, too, because the Lord can use and bless those who are seeking to do the Father’s will, those who forget about themselves. The world will say that in order to be happy you have to be occupied with yourself; you have to make sure you take every opportunity you get to do what you want to do and have the things you need; because if you don’t, everybody will take advantage of you, and pretty soon you will end up doing everything but what you want to do.
There is a danger, I admit, in getting too busy and not having time for yourself, but turn to Luke 22 and notice what the Lord Jesus said, starting with verse 24: “And there was also a strife among them, which of them should be accounted the greatest. And he said unto them, The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and they that exercise authority upon them are called benefactors. But ye shall not be so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve. For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? Is not he that sitteth at meat? But I am among you as he that serveth” (vss. 24-27).
Man’s wisdom would say that he that sitteth at meat is the greatest, and everyone else should serve him. That is man’s wisdom. The Lord says, “I am among you as he that serveth” (vs. 27).
Just before I came out here a letter came to my hand, and I’m going to read you part of it: “When the love of Christ is filling our hearts, we will be concerned about those who are dear to his heart; and in seeking in any little measure to serve them, we are brought closer ourselves to the Chief Shepherd. Our hearts expand and we can enjoy fellowship together with them in the things concerning Himself. But I do believe that if we are spending our spare time in seeking to serve Him, a service that will find its expression in seeking to meet the needs of others, we will not be so apt to be lonely, naturally speaking, but we will find joy to our souls in following in the footsteps of our blessed Master.” I was touched by that letter. You might be interested to know that it wasn’t written by an older brother. That letter was written by a brother in his 20’s to another in his 20’s. Do we have that spirit? I guess it wouldn’t hurt to tell you who wrote the letter. It is dated Aug. 1, 1933, and written by our late brother Ralph Rule to my Uncle Tom Dear, also now with the Lord. There was more in that letter; I didn’t copy it all out. But I was struck by the tone in it. I thought, “Isn’t that blessed!”
We need more of that spirit, dear young people. I speak in love because my heart is the same. I am speaking to my own heart. What we need is a heart that puts the Lord first, and then branches out to others, and just quietly leaves it with the Lord to work out the details of our own happiness. Will He do it? Indeed He will!
Have you found in your life that things have not worked out? I know that happens—I’ve talked to many young people. I’ve seen it in people of my own generation who had hopes and aspirations. I’ve seen the tears, heard the frustrations expressed when things didn’t work out, and I’ve felt it along with them. I’ve felt it sometimes when things didn’t work out in my own life the way I had expected, but then I was thankful that I was brought back to see the truth of what I have just read here.
Maybe the Lord is just trying to say, “Look up. I want your affections first and foremost.” Do you want affection down here? I’d love to give that to you, but the Lord loves us too much and paid too big a price for us just to give us everything we want and let us forget Him. Oh, you say, I wouldn’t forget the Lord. No, perhaps you wouldn’t, but there are some things that can only be learned in communion with the Lord and in solitude with Him. Sometimes the Lord doesn’t immediately give us everything we might think would be for our best in order that we might enjoy blessed communion with Him.
I don’t want to belabor the point; perhaps we’ve said enough. It’s more for the heart than anything else. I’ll just leave that with you. Now let us sing that hymn, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus,” but before we sing let me tell you a story about that hymn. Perhaps it is not too well known, because the writer of that hymn was a rather quiet, self-effacing man, Joseph Scriven, born in Ireland in 1819, I believe. Joseph Scriven came from a home which was very well to do, and naturally speaking (if you could put it this way) he had everything going for him. But then in his teens he got saved, and he suffered a lot of hardships from his family and his brother. (His brother, incidentally, wrote to someone that Joseph had become decidedly religious.) Well, Joseph in the process of time was not only saved, but gathered to the Lord’s name. He was engaged to be married to a young woman back there in Ireland, but just a few weeks before they were to be married, she drowned. I don’t know what that is like; I have never been through anything like that. A brother was telling us the other night about a man who lost a daughter to drowning. I don’t know what that is like either. To lose one’s fiancee’ only a few weeks before his marriage in that way would be terrible. He was a very sensitive man, most upset by the whole thing, and he immigrated to Canada. A few years later he wrote that hymn at the age of 28— a Friend We Have in Jesus. He never intended it as a hymn. He sent it to his mother, and it wasn’t until quite some time afterward that someone found it, was impressed by it and set it to music. But that isn’t all. He lived for many years in the area just north of Port Hope, on the shores of Lake Ontario, not too far from where I live. What did he do? He exemplified that verse, “He that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal” (John 12:2525He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. (John 12:25)). He did some teaching, so he had an income, but he spent most of it on the poor.
The story is told how he used to go around and cut wood for poor people and help them out. Someone (who was a little better off, but needed someone to cut wood) said to her neighbor who had just gotten a lot of wood cut by Joseph Scriven, “Who’s the man who cuts wood for you? I’d like to get him to do some for me.” The neighbor told him the name, but she quietly said, “I don’t think he will cut the wood for you, though.”
“Why not?”
“Because you are able to pay for it. He usually does it for people that can’t pay.”
One time he was invited to a conference in Toronto. From Toronto to Port Hope is a quite a distance — about 60 miles. Joseph Scriven wrote back and said he would be glad to come. He was going to walk. A friend in Toronto sent him enough money not only to pay for the jorney by train but also to put him up while he was in Toronto. Joseph Scriven, as it is told, gave away the money to a poor family and walked anyway—60 miles and back again.
But there’s more. Again about the year 1860 when he was 40 or 41, he became attached to a woman in Canada, the niece of a family where he was acting as a tutor to the children. Again he was engaged to be married, and then again, a few weeks before they were to be married, she caught pneumonia and the Lord took her home. Didn’t the Lord love Joseph Scriven? Was there something in his life that the Lord was speaking to him about? I don’t know; it is not for me to say. I rather doubt it. I am persuaded it wasn’t discipline in the government of God that caused the Lord to take away his loved ones. No, it brought out a sweetness from that Blessed One in the Glory that was exemplified in his life. In Psalm 45, it speaks of the Lord’s garments smelling of myrrh and aloes and cassia. Myrrh speaks of beauty but it is when it is crushed that its beauty comes out. Sometimes the beauty of Christ can only shine forth in us when we go through difficulties and problems. Joseph Scriven never did get married. He was taken home to be with the Lord at the age of 67, but his work bears fruit.
A Christian isn’t to look for recognition in this world, but Joseph Scriven did get recognition. The people in that area were so impressed with the service that he had rendered in his life, that they actually raised a monument to him there because they thought so much of him. He never knew that—and he wouldn’t have wanted it.
If he knew that “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” had been sung so widely, he would be profoundly amazed. He never intended it that way. He never wanted to be in the public eye, but the Lord has used him in blessing (I don’t suppose it would be exaggerating to say) to literally thousands of people through a life that saw sorrows and sadness.
I don’t say the Lord will necessarily lead you and me in that pathway. The Lord has given me a very happy home and I am thankful for it, but let us never forget that there is One who wants our affections above everything. He says, “He that loveth his life shall lose it, and he that hateth his life in this world”—he that is willing to give up everything in this life for me, the Lord says he will not lose it. He will have a joy down here that will surpass anything and he will have treasures in heaven. I just make these few remarks as an approach to the whole subject of the relationships in a Christian life because it is a lesson that is hard to learn—especially in the day and age in which we live.
Let us sing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” in closing.