Calling on S. today I observed that he did not look so bright as usual, and soon the cause discovered itself. Do you know,” he said, “I sometimes think I am deceiving myself, and that I am not a child of God at all; for when I was converted, ten years ago, in the time of the Revival, I felt such a load of sins taken off me, and then I was so happy, but I have not at all the same feeling now, so perhaps after all I am self-deceived.”
I saw at once that the fault here was self-occupation, looking in instead of “looking off unto Jesus,” and therefore said, “Well, dear S., I am not surprised at what you say, for it is the natural result of basing your acceptance with God on your experience, and not on what He says in His word.” I passed at one time through the same experience, and therefore I can feel for you. I used shortly after my conversion to have at times great sensations of joy, followed by corresponding feelings of depression, and while these latter continued of course I was miserable, but what gave me perfect peace was the ceasing to take account of my own feelings altogether, and beginning to rest calmly and quietly upon what God says in His word about Christ, who was delivered for my offenses, and raised again for my justification; (Rom. 4:22For if Abraham were justified by works, he hath whereof to glory; but not before God. (Romans 4:2).5) and I reasoned with myself thus: “If Christ has indeed been delivered for my offenses, there is no necessity for me to be delivered for them, for God is too just to demand payment over again for a debt already discharged, and if He has been raised again for my justification no one can ever lay anything to my charge, for His resurrection has set me down righteous in the presence of God. By His death and resurrection my sins were put away, and I am constituted righteous before God. I stand before God righteous as He is righteous. I believe this, and therefore, however much my feelings may change, I never doubt that I have peace with God.”
“Well,” Mr. —, “I see quite what you mean, and I’m sure its very happy for you, but how am I to know that He died for me?”
“Oh,” I said, “that is easily discovered. Look at Rom. 5:66For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. (Romans 5:6), where it says, ‘Christ died for the ungodly,’ and ver. 8, where He died (it says) for “sinners.” Satan never yet could persuade me that I was neither a “sinner” nor “ungodly,” and therefore I always have the assurance of God’s word that He died for me; and putting two and two together, if He died for me I know that God is satisfied, and therefore not a shadow of a doubt, as to my acceptance, ever crosses my mind. I am enabled to “joy in God,” by whom I have received this wondrous reconciliation.
“Well,” Mr. —, “I think I must not doubt anymore; I see I must cease to be occupied with myself, and enter more into what God has done for me and what Christ is to me.”