SOME years ago, a young girl felt in great perplexity as to how she ought to act in what, to her, was a matter of considerable importance. She had, after leaving school, remained in her father’s house, trying, in some little measure, to fill the place of a dearly-loved but invalid mother. By degrees the responsibility of the welfare and comfort of the whole family had, to a very great extent, come to rest upon the head and shoulders of this young girl; but real love to her parents, brothers, and sisters, and a sweet sense of duty, helped her to “work willingly with her hands.” Still, to tell the truth, there were many other things which (had she been allowed a choice) she would have greatly preferred to household duties. Studies of all kinds she naturally delighted in; music would have been a passion with her, while instructive books, the acquiring of languages, drawing, &c., were things she felt she would have reveled in. She often sighed inwardly, “O, that only I could get at these things, I would succeed!”
In the daytime this was utterly impossible, so she tried at one time to study in her own room at night, instead of going to bed at the usual hour; but her pale looks and languor soon told tales, and it was forbidden her in future. Then she tried early rising instead, so determined was she to progress instead of standing still in her studies, as she thought herself to be; but her strength (not at any time great) would not carry her through her usual daily duties at that rate, so she had most sorrowfully tor own herself again beaten, while the thirst for knowledge remained strong and unquenchable as ever.
Then came the perplexity spoken of, and a decision had to be made. A dear relative proposed to receive this young girl into her house, where every opportunity would be hers of carrying on and completing her own studies while assisting others in theirs.
O, how Jessie’s heart throbbed at the thought; how she was ready to jump for joy! Had it come at last, the kind of life which she had so ardently longed for? Might she not accept the offer at once with the greatest delight? Inclination said, “Yes,” loudly enough; but some other troublesome little voice would make itself heard in spite of a half wish, half resolve not to listen to it. It sounded like the voice of duty, and it would keep saying:
“O yes, very nice for you, no doubt; but how about your poor dear mother? how could you leave her when you hear her say constantly, ‘I do not know what I shall do without you;’ and when you see the tears stand in her eyes at the bare thought of it, and you know she is never selfish, and would gladly let you go for your pleasure, and suffer quietly herself. Your little sister is much too young to take your place, then who will do those ‘hundred and one’ trifling things which ought daily to be done for one who is so suffering and weak? Who but a daughter should do them for such a mother, who has quite worn herself out for you, as well as for the others?”
All this, and more to the same purpose, duty and conscience together seemed constantly dinning- into Jessie’s ears; and yet, O, was she called upon to sacrifice, perhaps only for a notion—a mere scruple—what might be her last chance, and one for which she had so long waited, too? Here were two paths indeed opening up to her, which was the right one? which ought she to take? that was the question uppermost in her mind.
Through, God’s rich mercy, Jessie was already a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ unto salvation, her feet had been set, some years before in the way which leadeth unto life, and now her chief desire was to walk therein, and follow Christ, closely in the light of His own Word. Therefore, the cry now went up from her heart straight to God:
“Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?” “Teach me to do Thy will, for Thou art my God. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk.” In answer, God showed her unmistakably the words:
To Jessie’s mind that just showed which path it ought to be. and settled the matter for her. Was she disappointed? Yes, indeed she was, more than she could tell anyone— any human friend; but she could freely tell it all out to God her Father, feeling there not even ashamed to show her tears, as she would elsewhere, and He fully understood her, and sympathized so sweetly with her.
“I dare not choose my lot!
I would not if I might.
Choose Thou for me, my God!
So shall I walk aright.
The kingdom that I seek
Is Thine; so let the way
That leads to it he Thine.
Else I must surely stray.”
Trust Him to lead you on, dear young Christian, and seek light for every dark spot and corner of your way from God’s Word, and from none beside.
ML 11/15/1925