"How do you like your old barn now, Alec?" It was his Uncle Peter speaking. The family was seated about the dinner table again, a small fire crackling in the living-room fireplace to take the chill off the winter evening. Alec smiled as he reached for another helping of the delicious casserole.
"You know," he said, "not to ignore your question, but I never realized how much work it is for a woman to fix a meal until I began living alone. I really appreciate coming here," he added with his mischievous grin. "I'm beginning to learn what a woman's work is like and I appreciate having a day off. In fact," he continued, grinning at Kara, "I'll even be glad to help Kara with the dishes tonight when we're all finished.
"But to get back to your question, I like it. I like living there by myself. For a few weeks it seemed lonely in the morning, so to break the monotony I'd shout, 'Hey Mom, what's for breakfast?' It made things a little more lively." They all chuckled. "It kind of bothered me," he continued, "for awhile."
"I started to see that I was having to think as the woman of the house would think." Jennie and Lisa laughed at his unique humor. Smiling down at Lisa, he said, "You see, I found that first thing every morning I had to think: 'What can I prepare for my lunch today? What should I take out of the freezer for dinner tonight? What can I fix for breakfast?"'
Then he shook his head as if to dismiss the thought. "It's just something I have to do. It doesn't bother me anymore."
"Alec," questioned Peter Benton, "do you ever feel badly about not being married? I guess that isn't a very fair question, is it, because I can see that you have been able to accept the Lord's will!" The family enjoyed teasing him about this subject, but tonight Mr. Benton was serious.
Alec smiled. "Yes," he answered, "I have. You see, I've just settled in my heart that I'm not going to get married, and then if I do, it will be a nice surprise. You might say I've accepted it.
"One day I told myself," he went on, "that I could either be gloomy and melancholy about this, or I could be happy, seeking to be friendly and helpful to others. So I thought, 'Okay, I'm going to accept it and not struggle. Since I have to live with myself, I'd rather live with myself being kind and cheerful than mean and ugly."'He grinned at them all. There was no one who could express it quite like Alec.
Alec continued, "And then I read a book that helped me, too. It brought out that for Christians to ruin their lives because they aren't married is a terrible waste." Alec reached for the bowl of mashed potatoes, heaping them up again on his plate. Like a typical bachelor, he also took an added helping of roast beef, pouring the tasty gravy generously over everything.
Jennie was amazed. Here was this acceptable, nice-looking young man who could no doubt have chosen from several girls, but the right one just hadn't come along. She sensed how much he wanted a home of his own, a wife and children, yet he was accepting the Lord's will that this might never be for him. Whether it was to be single or married, Jennie felt Alec wanted the Lord's will for his life.
Alec took a few ample bites and then concluded. "If a person finds himself continuing on in a single life, he has two choices. He can either grieve over it, pout, be unhappy, making himself and everyone else miserable, or he can accept it with a sense of fulfillment, seeking to live for the Lord's glory."
After dinner they moved in by the fire, and Peter Benton got out a new puzzle. He really enjoyed puzzles and sometimes found it helped ease conversation, having something to work at as he visited. But, of course, there was no strain with Alec. Nevertheless, he opened the box, dumping the pieces onto the folding table by the fire. As they sat around, turning the pieces over, making a space for the finished picture, Jennie looked at Alec in a quizzical way, asking him, "Alec, could you tell me what a young man looks for in a wife? If you were to make a list, what would be on it?"
Alec paused, thoughtful. "I don't have a 'list', he answered. "I don't really know just how to answer your question. Let me think about it awhile." He was serious as he bent over the puzzle, trying to fit a few of the border pieces together with their straight edges.
Suddenly he looked up, grinning, "I hate it when I shake hands with a girl and bump into all kinds of bracelets."
Jennie laughed. "Oh Alec, that's not what I mean. But I suppose you have a point."
He became serious again. "Sometimes I ask myself, am I the kind of fellow that the kind of girl I'm looking for would be looking for? Maybe that's putting it in a strange way. But you know, it's rather like stepping out of myself and looking at me! Sometimes I think, 'This girl is a godly girl; I had better change something in me if I want her approval."'
Alec had such a sense of humor, he just couldn't keep it down, yet Jennie knew he was serious, too, in what he was saying. He fit another piece of the puzzle in, then added thoughtfully, "The Lord has had a tremendous influence in my life, but He has also used some godly girls in the process. I esteem them and would desire to be accepted in their company.
"I've seen a lot of young men get interested in a girl and take more root in their spiritual lives to try to win her. They begin praying and reading the Word more. Sometimes I feel they are really hoping the Lord will bless them in these efforts and work this thing out for them. It's good to be exercised, but maybe the motive for it isn't right."
He continued, "Rather than think of who might meet my requirements, I would rather be able to fit someone else's requirements. The ideal, I think, would be when two young people, maybe from different corners of the country, are not looking for someone who fits their 'list', but waiting for the Lord to fit them together."
"Would you say that the Lord has the time and place and the person all planned, that it's our responsibility to wait for that?" Peter Benton questioned.
Alec didn't seem to hear him. He was fitting a difficult piece of the puzzle into place. He studied it, looked at it, turned it this way and that, then looked up. "Why, yes," he answered, "that's just it. We don't have to be out running around the country, tearing off to every conference, hoping to find the right person. The Lord can bring them to our doorstep, if that is His will." Smiling, he added, "Of course a conference is a nice place to meet other young people, and I want to be there whenever I can. I think that's important. But I wouldn't go to a conference just in the hopes of finding a girl to marry. How do I know who the right one is?"
Jennie was quiet a long moment. For the first time she was thinking hard about these things. What Alec said made sense. How awful it would be to miss the Lord's will, to marry the wrong one simply because she couldn't wait for His perfect timing. She shuddered at the thought. How humiliating it would be to rush ahead, take the first person that seemed to show an interest in her and then have years of sorrow because she couldn't wait to discern whether or not it was the Lord's will. She was beginning to see that the Lord did have a plan for her, an individual plan that would unfold step by step as she was willing to follow where He led her.
Alec looked into the fire with its glowing flames, deep in thought. He was quiet, then he spoke again, "I think there are three areas where a young person should take his or her place before marriage.
"First, of course, is the step that can only be experienced once as a lost, guilty, hell-deserving sinner where I take my place before a gracious and loving Savior. This will happen only once in a lifetime.
"The next," he continued, "is to take my place at the Lord's table, to remember Him in His death. This should be settled before marriage and basically only happens once, but of course circumstances could change it so this privilege could be lost and later recovered.
"The third," Alec continued, "is really something to do the rest of your life. The challenge of 'finding your place' in the Scriptures can be made interesting by pursuing that path with purpose."
Alec leaned back in his chair. Looking up at the faces watching him, he remarked, "For a man, it would be nice if he started taking the yoke a little bit. He would naturally, then, look for a girl who was an encouragement to him along that line. I believe a man should take root and start acting like a man before he is married. He needs to start carrying a few of the responsibilities and burdens of the gathering; and to start acting like a gentleman at home. If he goes on before he is married without too much care for the assembly, he may marry a girl who won't encourage him to go on in that vein; and if he doesn't act like a man at home around his family, he'll be little different (probably worse) with his wife!
"For a woman," Alec proceeded, "her life really centers around the home. I think this is the biggest challenge of all, to want the family to go on for the Lord. And with a woman, the whole outward adorning, if overdone, is distasteful to me. That's another way she can please the Lord."
Mr. Benton spoke up. "One evening last winter the girls and I were reading concerning that in 1 Peter, Alec. We read the verse that says: 'Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.' “He turned to Alec, waiting for him to speak.
"You know, something else about women comes in here," Alec added, "that my mother taught me by her own example. Actually, it was an example to us all through our lives, to the girls and boys. A lot of parents want their children to be winners, excelling in everything, always coming out ahead. Mother has impressed it upon us that we don't have to be winners. In fact, I would say this has characterized her whole life. She has encouraged us to try to help others, but for us to stay out of the foreground.
"Pride in being a winner is not a deep and lasting happiness," he warned. "There is a tendency to become proud and hard to live with. Mother taught us that the hardest time to help others become a winner is when you don't even have a chance yourself. It's hardest when you've no chance to get in the limelight, and yet you're back there helping others, encouraging them; knowing there's little chance your name will ever be mentioned."
Alec stretched, realizing he had lost his train of thought. "Just to finish this other thought of mine," he said intently, "if the young lady involved has determined to take the three steps I mentioned, she won't be looking around to find someone who is going to fit her 'list'. She's living under the Lord's eye, desiring to live before Him, not worrying about what the boy may be thinking about her, but seeking rather the Lord's pleasure in her ways, knowing He will work it all out."
This was a new thought to Jennie, but it was seeping in. She didn't have to try to win the boy of her choice. She didn't have to become clever or do her best to look charming. Instead, it was a matter of walking peacefully before the Lord, as she knew He would want her to walk, trusting Him to do what was best for her.
A few days later, Jennie related Alec's thoughts to Julia. "I don't agree at all," Julia protested, "about not having a `list'! Maybe it's just that I shouldn't call it that, but I certainly do have my priorities in mind."
The two were sitting eating lunch together at a small cafe in town, before doing a bit of shopping. The waitress set down the large salads they had ordered.
Jennie waited until she walked away. "What do you have in mind, Julia?" she asked.
Julia hesitated, obviously thinking this through. "I want someone who can help me in spiritual things," she said firmly. "someone I can learn from and look up to." She swallowed a bite of fruit and continued talking, as Jennie delved into her chicken salad. "I want someone who won't try to bring attention to himself. A sense of humor is important to me, too. It makes life a bit easier when you can find humor in difficult situations. Oh, and I do feel more comfortable around a quiet person." She stopped to take a few more bites.
"Would you say that if you met the right person, the 'list' might disappear?" Jennie inquired.
Julia was thoughtful. "In a way, yes. But I feel that my first priority—that is, desiring a spiritual person, would stand. No matter what other qualities he had, if he did not have a strong desire to please the Lord, I wouldn't want to go with him."
"That reminds me of something my father told me quite some time ago," Jennie commented. "He said if I never once went out on that first date with an unsaved fellow, I'd never end up marrying one!"
Julia smiled in agreement, "That's good."
"What would you do," Jennie wondered, "if a fellow from the gathering asked you out, and you just didn't care for him? Would you go?"
Julia again was definite. "No, if I felt certain I couldn't ever care for him, I wouldn't go. In turning him down, it would hurt. But, you know, it would hurt a lot more if I led him to believe I could care, and then didn't after all. It is a serious thing to play with a person's affections."
The two talked on, almost interrupting each other; there was so much to share. It was Julia who ended the conversation as they finished the last of their salads. "Mother was telling me last week about a lady she knows who is over eighty years old and never married. As a girl, she knew there were young men interested in her, but she did not feel led of the Lord to marry any of them. She particularly refused the attentions of those who were not the Lord's. At last, Mother said, she finally came to the point of accepting a life alone, though she really did not actually live alone. She cared first for her mother, then an aunt, then a cousin. Through the years, she was a favorite with her nieces and nephews. She found happiness in their friendships, and at the same time, was a real encouragement to them."
Julia paused, becoming serious. "Jennie, it isn't what I would choose, and I know it isn't what you would choose, but Mother was saying that there are a lot worse things than not being married. One is a life of misery with the wrong person. The point about this lady is that she accepted what the Lord clearly chose for her. Mother believes that in private as well as in public, this lady is content and happy. Isn't that a victory!"