Comfort and love in a world of conflict
v 1 "If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,”
Having warned his children that there would be conflicts in the Christian pathway, Paul now sets before them a Divine and perfect pattern to follow in the midst of such difficulties—the Lord Jesus Christ. The comfort, fellowship and tender affections that ought to mark our families in a scene of conflict, are all found perfectly in Christ, through the Spirit.
Pursuing the Good of Others
v 2-4 "Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”
Displays of selfishness, pride, and contention are considered by some "experts" as a normal part of "child development", but they are totally contrary to God's Word. Paul entreats his spiritual children to show love towards each other, seeking unity, and in all humility, putting the good and welfare of parents, brothers and sisters, before self.
The apostle's joy is presented as an encouragement to his children. We ought to present the same to our children, teaching them that their obedience brings the Lord's heart and our hearts joy. It is important that parents encourage and cultivate this conduct through compliments and other positive reinforcements—i.e. "what you did, made me very happy, but most important, it pleased the Lord Jesus." The world's humanistic philosophy, always putting "me" and "my desires" first, has no place in a believer's individual or family life.
The Supreme Pattern for Parents and Children
v 5 "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:”
The Lord Jesus as a perfect Man presents the pattern for how children and families ought to function. All in the Christian home begins with having fellowship with the mind and thoughts of Christ.
Humbled, Serving and Rewarded
v 6-8 "Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”
The Lord Jesus left the supreme place in heaven, willingly humbling Himself to the very lowest place, that others might be blessed. Beautiful and perfect pattern of service! A lovely, vitally important spirit to cultivate in our children—concern about the welfare and blessing of others. It was that which caused the "house of Stephanas" to addict "themselves to the ministry of the saints". (1 Cor. 16:15). The spirit of service is totally contrary to the world's spirit which considers immediate self-gratification its primary object.
After humbling and serving, come rewards. Be willing to reward your children when they display this spirit of behavior. "And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be." (Rev. 22:12).
The Best Motives for Obedience
v 12, 13 "Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.”
Love—Notice carefully the way in which the apostle Paul presses upon his Philippian children obedience. And especially their obedience in view of his absence. He says, "Wherefore my beloved". Paul's deep love for his spiritual children—a love they were well aware of and could not deny—provides a powerful influence. Could they refuse such a love?
Praise—Further, Paul is able to praise their conduct—"as ye have always obeyed in my presence". Don't fail to praise the good and virtuous in children, whenever you have opportunity! You must require obedience from them—but how much happier for all, if that claim is nurtured by your positive support causing your children to realize that you not only demand, but also have joy in their obedience. (3 John 4).
In a letter regarding encouraging children Mr. Darby wrote: "Be to their virtues ever kind, and to their faults a little blind."
Fear—The Philippians' obedience to Paul's teaching would be tested in his absence. The world's attitude towards obedience is flippant and scornful. Children must be encouraged to display a life of obedience in Godly fear and trembling-for disobedience to parents is sin against God.
Purpose—Children should also understand that obedience is necessary in order that God's intended purposes of blessing may be fully realized and enjoyed in their lives.
"Please, Obey"—Two Words That Don't Belong Together
Now notice another very important principle relating to obedience. The beloved apostle, though speaking with tenderness and affection, does not say "Wherefore my beloved, please obey in my absence"—nor do we read in God's Word, "Children please obey your parents in the Lord".
Saying "please" makes obedience a matter of choice to the child, serving to develop naughty self-will. Of course there are times when it is appropriate for parents to say "please"-in order to teach children courtesy and respect. Saying to a child, "Sally, may I please have one of the cookies you baked today?" teaches the importance of politeness. However, saying to a child, "Sally, will you please do what I have asked and clean up the kitchen right now?" teaches self-will.
The "Spirit" of Obedience Is Important Too
v 14 "Do all things without murmurings and disputings:”
We read that God loves a cheerful giver. No one enjoys a gift that is given grudgingly or a service rendered in a grudging manner. What husband could be satisfied with such a spirit displayed in the home, by a wife? What parent could be satisfied with such a spirit of obedience from a child?
What a beautiful spirit we see in Rebekah who, when asked by Abraham's servant for a drink of water hasted to grant his request, offering to draw water for his camels without being asked. She ran and hasted without murmuring or complaining-willingly doing even more than what had been requested.
Does it seem a daunting task to instill in your children a happy, uncomplaining spirit of obedience? Dad, what kind of spirit did your children see displayed the last time you complained about having that extra load of work your boss expects you to complete? Mom, what spirit did you display in front of your children when the parking lot attendant wouldn't allow you to park so close to the store entrance? Don't expect your children to display attitudes they don't see displayed in you!
“... the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance..." (Gal. 5:22). "...try the spirits whether they are of God:" (1 John 4:1)
A Good Reputation
v 15 "That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;”
All of us, including our children, quickly gain reputations—at work, in the neighborhood, at school, or in the family sphere. Reputations are normal—but for a believer, reputations valued by the world may not always be pleasing to God, nor are they to be sought after. A reputation as a shrewd, ruthless businessman, a fierce competitor with little pity, or a vindictive, demanding consumer may be valued in this world, but they have no place in the lives of Christians or their children.
Teach children (by example first and by words second) that blamelessness is a priceless reputation to gain—the only one morally suited to those who call themselves by that worthy name of Christ. How very happy and blessed the family circle where children are harmless in their conduct, giving no reason for rebuke from parents or others who observe them.
Also, the results of Godly examples set by older brothers and sisters in a family are immeasurable in their potential for good. Such Christ-like conduct also preaches a powerful gospel message to a world that won't listen to words.
“A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold." (Prov. 22:1).
Selflessness in a Selfish World
v 19-21 "But I trust in the Lord Jesus to send Timotheus shortly unto you, that I also may be of good comfort, when I know your state. For I have no man like minded, who will naturally care for your state. For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's.”
Believers are to "every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification." (Rom. 15:2). The example for such selfless conduct is our blessed Savior Himself—"For even Christ pleased not himself..." (Rom. 15:2, 3). The apostle instructed the Galatian believers to "bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of the Christ." (Gal. 6:2, JND). He certainly knew what selflessness was—"Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches." (2 Cor. 11:28).
Here again we see the importance of parents winning the hearts of their children to themselves. When this is so, what interests and concerns dad and mom, will also be of interest and concern to the children.
Children need to learn early in life that though they are individually and deeply loved, something is more important than themselves. Focusing on the needs of others is a rare and valuable quality to develop. Love one another (John 15:12), prefer one another (Rom. 12:10), serve one another (Gal. 5:13), forgive one another (Eph. 4:32), admonish one another (Col. 3:16), and consider one another (Heb. 10:24) are all precious results of that natural care which Timothy so beautifully displayed in his life.
Learning to "Spend and Be Spent”
v 27 "For indeed he was sick nigh unto death: but God had mercy on him; and not on him only, but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.”
Epaphroditus served the assembly and the apostle at great personal cost. He was willing to lay down his life for the brethren. Paul set the example he followed, by willingly spending and being spent in service for the Corinthians. (2 Cor. 12:15). However, these Scriptural examples will have little effect on children, if they do not see similar selfless service in action in the lives of their parents.
Along with setting an example, parents must help their children to learn to serve intelligently. Not every service that bears the name of "Christian" is suitable to the Lord's honor and glory. Paul beseeches the Roman believers (and all believers) to "present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your intelligent service." (Rom. 12:2, JND).
Bearing Responsibility
v 29, 30 "Receive him therefore in the Lord with all gladness; and hold such in reputation: Because for the work of Christ he was nigh unto death, not regarding his life, to supply your lack of service toward me.”
Man refuses to accept responsibility for the results of his wicked behavior. Today, the impunity with which he mistreats his fellow man, refusing to accept any responsibility for the pain and suffering he willingly inflicts, is a sad example. Such a wicked spirit may adversely affect the Christian home. It is true that for the Lord's servant, "to his own master he standeth or falleth." (Rom. 14:4). But that does not remove responsibility from the servant for his actions. "It is right not to eat meat, nor drink wine, nor do anything in which thy brother stumbles, or is offended, or is weak." (Rom. 14:21, JND) Concern for how our conduct affects others is an important concept to instill in children, and critically important for parents to display.
The Philippians' failure to serve the apostle was not due to a lack of Christian love or concern. Circumstances denied them that privilege. Thus Epaphroditus, in Divine love, bore that burden of service on their behalf, doing so at great cost to himself. Another has reminded us that "Every action has present and eternal consequences". It is good for children to learn early, that their actions or lack thereof, cause consequences which may have profound, lasting effects on others.
The Divinely perfect example is seen in the Lord Jesus who "... suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps." (1 Peter 2:2-25). What solemn yet eternally precious consequences from His life! May we seek to emulate this Divine pattern of service in our finite measure.