“Wherefore encourage one another, and build up each one the other, even as also ye do.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 JND
It’s always fun to have good times together with friends, but there is a sad thing that sometimes happens. Have you ever had someone who you thought was your friend belittle you? What were the emotions that you experienced? Hurt, anger, loss of trust, disappointment, confusion, loneliness, and feeling devalued? Sadly, it seems that too often in these times of fun and fellowship, it is not uncommon to hear women doing this, not usually to one another, but to their husbands or about them, either to their face or behind their backs. When we do this, we are revealing to all who hear us that we have an area in our hearts and minds that is not surrendered to the obedience of Christ.
Beneath a tougher exterior, our husbands often have extremely sensitive hearts. The thought of the disdain (the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one’s consideration or respect; contempt) from their chosen one (you or me) can be a debilitating weight. They can easily feel never good enough through our words, tone of voice, and body language; and that destroys them — it tears them down. If you were your man, how would you feel about how you talk to or about him? I heard one young husband say, “No matter what I do, I’ll get it wrong.”
There are many ways a wife can disdain her husband. If we want to be a wise woman, we are called to honor and respect him, to build him up. We should seek to be students of our husbands, trying to learn what most effectively builds him up. Each of us needs building up, and it’s not a difficult thing to do for one another. It should be our joy to do so! Start small if necessary. Even if he doesn’t often build you up, you can still be a wise woman and build him up as unto the Lord. The Lord gives us needed wisdom when we ask, just as He promised.
A wise woman builds her house, which certainly includes her husband. Choose words of affirmation, and expressions of appreciation for little things. There are many ways to express this: “That’s a great idea!” “Thank you for doing that.” “The way you said that made me feel loved.” “I really appreciate what you did for me!” “You look nice.” ‘’Thank you for your help!” “I love you.” “It’s good to see you again.” “That makes a lot of sense!” “Thank you for working hard to provide for our family.” Look him in the eye with love. Make him smile. Make him glad that he chose you to be his woman!
Each day we can practice interjecting “builder-uppers’’ whenever we see an opportunity. We can ask God to help us to be creative, genuine, and generous with building up, and we’ll see the results. The amazing reality is, the more we build our men up, the more we’ll see things that we admire in them. We can do this with our children too.
Remember, to belittle is to “be little.” God has called us to be builder-uppers. Let’s do it, and reap the joyful harvest in our relationships.