Editor’s Note: The following letter was written about 1830 by Lady Theodosia Powerscourt to a younger sister who was planning to marry an unsaved man. Lady Powerscourt, who went home to be with the Lord at the early age of 36, had opened her estate to brethren, such as Mr. Darby, who met there for a time to study prophecy. This letter contains truth which is vitally important for today—especially for our dear younger brethren.
A Loving Warning to a Young Sister
I am not ignorant of what it means to give up one who is much loved, but then, neither am I ignorant of the peace which follows when the wounded soul surrenders itself in the arms of [ Jesus’] everlasting love.
Dear ______, however painful the struggle to give him up, it is short and easy compared with what you will reap, both yourself and him, if you do not.
If you marry him, you will, as a believer, never be able to fulfill the high expectations for happiness in this world that he is counting upon in his marriage union with you. Do you think you can walk consistently with the Lord Jesus and with this world at the same time?
Do not be angry at my speaking of him as an unbeliever. If the Bible is true, there is a rooted enemy within, and though he may admire the “religion of Jesus” at a distance, he cannot love to be in constant contact with it all his life.
Conversions to Christ based on romantic love are not to be trusted. I do not say Mr. ______ is a hypocrite, for his love for you deceives him into loving what you love, without there being reality in his heart. Oh think! how will you speak of your well-beloved Jesus to him, without causing him to express the strongest feelings of dissatisfaction, because your heart is not fully engaged with all that engages his?
Is it really marital happiness for you to despise his worldly pursuits, while he despises your religious ones? Is it really marital happiness that you should rejoice in the glorious promises yourself, while this very joy is your greatest grief as you are reminded that your husband, dearer to you than your own soul, has no “part nor lot in this matter”? Will it be marital joy knowing that every time he leaves your house, he does so as one under condemnation, without God and without hope in the world? And will you consider it great joy to find that your natural duties to him as your head draw you one way while your spiritual duties to Christ cause you to disobey the will of the one who rightly expects you to obey him?
From what I have heard, Mr. ______ is a sweet and well-intentioned man. But if you have waited for your earthly father’s consent to this marriage, why not wait too for your heavenly Father’s consent? And are you not foolish in reasoning that because God “intends” to save him and that by using you as the means to it—you may thus disobey God’s will? Whose is the work of conversion? Does He require you “to do evil, that He may do good”?
Had you given yourself to him before you knew the Lord and then expected the Lord to hear your prayers for him, it would be expecting abounding grace. But now it is really presumption and self-will that you would with open eyes unite yourself to him and then expect that since you have not fitted yourself to God’s will, He will fit Himself to yours!
Surely, if the Israelites are so repeatedly urged not to mingle with the heathen lest they learn their works and are thus so often chastened for this sin, are we not in like danger in taking an unbeliever as mate one who will be our guide, counselor, companion, the repository of our every care, joy and sorrow and the one we vow to obey?
Did Solomon with all his wisdom lead his ungodly wives the good way or did they lead him the bad? Human nature has not changed! Have light and darkness now more communion than they had when the Apostle Paul wrote through divine inspiration, “What fellowship... hath light with darkness?” Why does the Apostle Paul bid us to marry “only in the Lord”?
I do not deny that Mr. ______ may someday turn out to be a brilliant light for the Lord, but whether this is so or not, I think it is the greatest presumption for you, in his present spiritual condition, to marry him. Your reasoning on this is even more strange. You determine to walk into the fire, while telling me to pray that you be not burned! Would you think it reasonable for me, if I were to yield myself to the folly and sin of this world, to then ask you to pray that I should not be led into temptation?
He says, “If ye love Me, keep My commandments.” Now Abraham had a painful trial of faith when he was called to offer up his beloved Isaac. Would it have proved his love for Jehovah had he said, “I cannot do that, but if the Lord takes him from me, I shall be resigned”? The trial of your faith must be more precious than gold, must be tried in fire and will prove itself by giving up the idol, not in being “resigned” should it be denied by your Father.
You tell me that you have already consented to marriage with Mr. ______. That I consider as the world’s snare. You made a promise you had no right to make and one, therefore, you have no right to keep.
The Lord says, “Give Me thine heart.” Mr. ______ says, “Give me thine heart.” The Lord says, “If you give me all your time, talents everything without the heart, they will be nothing.” Mr. ______ says the very same thing. You answer, “I will give them to both.” But stop! Who is it that says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” And who is it that says that He will not divide the heart with Belial? “Choose you this day whom ye will serve.”
Oh! may you be able to answer in action rather than words, “Lord, Thou knowest all things; Thou knowest that I love Thee.”
Letters of Lady Powerscourt (adapted)